Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

and you did offer port and baileys

I think your brother's girlfriend needs to learn some manners.
How ungrateful.

Maybe she can come to us next time?

We had half a bottle of wine all day between 4 adults (I don't drink for health reasons). The others just had half a small glass with dinner.

Agree with this. I don't drink much usually but on Xmas day im used to it being pretty much free flowing. I can understand what she meant by the comment. For reference, we are also in our 50s with teen dds, parents, siblings and later on quite a few friends present. By 9pm when you were sitting to watch a film with a cup of tea the party here was getting to full flow. Drinks flowing (beer, wine, cocktails, spirits) , music on, people dancing, chatting, generally just having fun. So if these are the sort of Christmases she is used to I can see where the comment came from. Having said that I think your brother was rude to have mentioned it and she'd probably be mortified if she knew. Also, just because it was different to what she was used to doesn't mean she didn't enjoy it. Your day sounds lovely

I agree sounds lovely. As a hostess maybe you should have asked but she also could have brought the vodka and cranberry juice herself if that is what made her Christmas.

Its the most middle class back handed compliment of the season though 😂

perhaps she liked it being abstemious

Of course it’s a negative comment
It’s literally remarking on a lack in the food and drink department.

True.

I've never known any family offer cocktails at Christmas or any time, for that matter.

Many people in my family are /were teachers, including an English teacher.

Agree with this. I don't drink much usually but on Xmas day im used to it being pretty much free flowing.

I've never had a Christmas with as much booze as the OP supplied.
Never.

Mainly we just have a little wine with the lunch and perhaps a beer or two in the evening.

I’m not angry at all. It’s a disagreement 🤷‍♀️

It is miserable hosting. As is the 5 canapés. I didn’t comment on people being forced to drink when they don’t want to because they shouldn’t but that’s a really miserable spread of food and drinks to be offering over a very long day. And no starter or dessert on offer for dinner is miserable too.

Your Christmas sounds lovely OP. We tend to be cocktail/spirit drinkers at Christmas. I didn’t drink a huge amount on Christmas Day, but do prefer spirits over wine during the day as wine just makes me sleepy too early. I had a few manhattans on Christmas Day this year and we played escape games, cards and quizzes at the table. I think our Christmas is more like SIL’s but there’s nothing wrong with yours.

Ignore the pretentious plonker.

She'd probably just learnt the word and tried to use it.

Sounds all right to me.

Here was ours: Morning walk, muesli for breakfast and coffee. . Some cheese/biscuits/pickled vegetables and sparkling water for lunch. We had steak and chips and carrots and split a bottle of red wine for tea, with some ice cream for pudding. We had a shot of Scotch each before bed, and nibbled on some chocolate during the day and listened to the radio sitting in front of the woodstove. Suited us. You celebrate how you like. Christmas should be peaceful and is about spending time with those you love, IMHO, not really about drinking loads.

Half a bottle of wine over 12 hours with someone else’s family? Yikes 😆

Did you offer more? Assuming you did then I don’t think she has anything to complain about.

I assume your brother a) knows what she drinks and b) knows what form your Christmas Day takes so he could have put the two together and either a) been a cheeky bastard suggested to you she might need vodka or b) been a thoughtful guest and brought a bottle of vodka , mixers and whatever to yours. It was down to him, not you, sounds as though you catered generously for a wide age range both in terms of hospitality and activity.

(I am also assuming that your brother didn’t contribute to the hosting in anyway although three of the participants were there because he was.)

She wasn't rude, she said it to her boyfriend, who asked and it shouldn't have been repeated.
There's a level of her being younger and in-between the stages of everyone else. She also might not have been confident enough to ask to bring stuff. Christmas day has been time off work and no driving for me, I've been on different flavoured baileys from aldi. My DD (27) likes to mix cocktails, we all like seasonal cocktails. I wouldn't have red wine with Turkey and don't like fizz/champagne. We wouldn't laugh at snowballs, we always have them while putting up the Christmas decorations. If you come from a family of alcoholics, then of course you are going to be triggered by someone enjoying a drink and over react, as many posters do on here.
I only hope that she doesn't compromise too much for the older bloke (your DB) that she's now with. You and your DH are old enough to be her parents, so of a different generation, as well as life stage.

I dont know why you're asking strangers OP, its your christmas, it meets everyones needs, a good time was had by all

I think its perfectly good, but what if I didnt, what if I said to you it sounds shit and boring and stingy?

What does it matter what I think

I dont know who has all the room to have 101 different types of drinks, the glasses, the ice, the accompiaments etc etc for the odd person to have a cocktail

Beer pong! Goes down an absolute treat, even with the grandparents. They'll think it's silly at first but then they'll get stuck in. Just put disposable tablecloths on the table and floor. You can put coke in the cups if you want to, you don't have to get drunk.

Got to love a snowball - Christmas Eve would be the only time I would drink it though.

Sounds all right to me. I'm not drinking alcohol at the moment, but in past years I wouldn't expect anything other than wine with the meal.

As a guest in your house and relatively new kid on the block, she was very rude. She needs to wind her neck in!

There's nothing abstemious about your day, it sounds lovely.
I've never known anyone offer vodka or cocktails on Christmas day. You offered plenty of champagne, wine, Baileys etc. and that sounds more than enough. It isn't like you handed out half a glass of wine each! Part of being a good guest is to appreciate what you're offered.

5 of each or 5 in total? In total that is not much waiting for food! I would have been starving without a meal until 3 but timings aside it all sounds nice.

She's a woman in her 30's, if asked a question by her boyfriend, she gets to answer honestly.