Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

It's probably about the alcohol.

probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz

for what ? 7 or 8 adults is pretty tight really. it's one glass per person. Generally at Christmas, like at a party, if you drink you expect the alcohol to flow and to be topped up.

My bet is that is specifically why she was saying that. She wanted more booze. Fine if it's not your thing but people are different and used to different things.

Good god she would hate us then we don't drink at all on Christmas Day!

Your day sounds lovely, more exciting than ours.

Agree. I would stock on bottle of champagne per person, at least. And offer it upon arrival.

Sounds lovely, although I would have served drinks as soon as people arrived at 11am. For 7 adults at Christmas all day until evening I’d expect to serve at least a bottle of wine/fizz per person, probably a bottle and a half each (10 bottles or more if teenagers were on the low alcohol) plus cocktails (have plenty of spirits at home) or liqueurs.

Four adults didn’t drink, for various reasons.
Two adults had one glass of Prosecco each.

I’m from a lively northern family and would find what you’ve described as a little reserved.
We eat too much and drink cocktails/fizz/spirts all day, we’d never sit and watch a film. I wouldn’t hate what you’ve described but it doesn’t sound like the fun Christmases I’m used to. My PIL aren’t half as fun as you guys, they don’t even sit with us really. When we go to theirs I hate it.

Wow - some lovely inverted intellectual snobbery you've got going on there. Since when is using a wide vocabulary a bad thing? Typical British tall poppy syndrome. Schools encourage students to use a wide vocabulary. What a shame they'll apparently be mocked and despised for it in the wider world by people like you.

We're all different, I'd have found your day too moderate in terms of alcohol as I like a good drink and feast at Christmas personally. Seven of you able to drink and only 3.5 decent bottles of wine served during the day, I'd have felt like the gf, difference is I'd never have said anything about it.

My only suggestion would be to offer people more choices. It seems a little constrained to me that everyone has the same drink at the same time. Once the drinking has started, people should feel able to go to the kitchen and get themselves a beer or a top-up of wine or a soft drink or whatever.

Sounds absolutely fine to me.

I would tell your DB she is free to bring her own choice of alcohol if she feels she needs more. In fact rather rude of her not to at least have brought a couple of bottles of something for the host.

She should have brought a bottle of vodka if that’s what she was planning on drinking. And very rude that the comment has made it back to you.

I probably would have put some mince pies out when everyone arrived and some Christmas cake out along with the cheese in the evening.

Blinking rude.
If you expect certain drinks, bring them. Who keeps cranberry in the house? I did a party for 15 yesterday, people bought wine, AF drinks and soft drinks. Only two had alcohol.
My DD and DS don't drink. Gen Z don't really. I think your choices sounded lovely. As an ex boozer the gf sounds like she comes from a family of hard drinkers. Your brothers DD probably found it too much at Easter, I know my DC would.
I hope she did bring a gift cheeky mare.

I wouldn’t have thanked you for tea and coffee on arrival and I leave drinks out for guests to help themselves whenever they want. But I certainly wouldn’t have been so rude as to pass any comment afterwards when you’ve been extremely kind and generous. And your brother should have kept his mouth shut too.

What food/drink/flowers did she bring as a thank you, out of interest?

I can’t believe how many people appear never to have heard the word “abstemious”, it’s in pretty common usage with everyone I know.

It does sound like you had a lovely day - I think it just boils down to the fact that everyone does things differently.

When we host, we keep glasses topped up. We don't have a set number of bottles to be opened at particular times. We hosted Christmas this year and we were offering a variety of drinks (wines, fizz, spirits, beers, Baileys) as soon as people arrived, and then continuously throughout the day and night.

Some might find our way too indulgent. Perhaps too boozy, though no one was anything more than a little merry.

Depends what you're used to!

There were loads of nibbles- smoked salmon blinis, mini pies, prawns, some M&S canapés. About 5 each!

Thats not loads here!

It sounds like a lovely day to me - if she wanted vodka she should have brought some. When you’re cooking Christmas dinner who has the time to start mixing cocktails as well?! Did she contribute anything at all, in terms of her time helping, or bringing any food/drink with her? She wouldn’t be invited again if it were me - maybe she can host next year?

I think wrt the booze, it depends. It sounds a bit like maybe you had a set amount of bottles e.g. of fizz, and when they were gone that was it, rather than just opening more as required? I can see how that might seem a bit abstemious.

That level of booze is miserable for Christmas Day. I’d have been gutted to get a cuppa and then measly small glass of cheap fizz, champagne and red wine in the next 5 hours.

Five canapés each. Lord above - are you an almond / One chicken makes 17 meals type??

I'm totally imagining a scene from Saltburn. 😂

I can’t believe how many people appear never to have heard the word “abstemious”, it’s in pretty common usage with everyone I know.

Perhaps it’s generational if it’s commonly used by some? My aunt sometimes says it & other words I don’t use, she’s 70.

Your Christmas sounds lovely, she sounds like an asshole.

No it isn’t. It sounds a bit sparse.

I have a wide vocabulary thanks, but I can still recognise obnoxious useage of words that are pretty much only used in limited circumstances 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have read the responses. I think what I'm taking away is:

1. brother is a bit of a gossipy idiot. This is fair. We love him though and his heart's in the right place
2. not girlfriends fault. I always thought this (see point 1)
3. whilst nice my Xmas day was perhaps a bit lacking in FUN. There could have been more fun drinks, treats, puddings etc. This is fair.

My kids are getting older. DH and I have chatted about this - when they start wanting to bring partners home we will want things to be a bit more younger person attractive. DH googled karaoke machines until we realised we're all tone deaf and it just wouldn't be fun. We will get cocktails and different games.

I'm going to be a bit more lively and lavish next year...!