Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

Half the posters on this thread need a dictionary for Christmas next year.

This. What was his motive in repeating the comment?

That said, the amount of fizz you served sounds very minimal for Christmas Day. And I always ask what guests like to drink, and lay in proper supplies.

I’m a little suspicious of someone complaining there wasn’t hard liquor at a family holiday gathering. Esp an all day party, the day sounds lovely as described.

I just don’t see the need for mixed drinks at an all day long gathering, its a family holiday not a pub crawl but I grew up in a family of alcoholics ruining events due to this shit. It was usually great fun until about halfway through then all hell broke loose.

Did she really use that word? If so she might need to rethink things and the role alcohol plays in her life. It’s a little extreme imho

You had plenty of food & wine but perhaps you aren’t that much fun and she wanted more laughs?

3.5 bottles of fizz across 10 people is 1.5 125ml glasses a person, so personally I’d consider that a bit tight across 3 hours on Christmas Day.

2 bottles of red wine on the table is one 150ml glass per person so again I’d find it a bit tight! How come no white was offered?

It does sound a lovely day, just more quantity needed across that many people. That being said I hope guests brought things so you weren't left footing the whole bill.

Sounds like a perfect Christmas day to me OP!

I think the fact she used the word 'abstemious' tells you all you need to know about her.

Was the food & drink accessible? Or did someone have to offer/serve it?

2 bottles gin fizz (1/2 strength)
2 red
2 champagne (1.5 with prezzies, rest after lunch)
plus snowballs/port/baileys

That's not sloshing in it, but it's not bad either - and it doesn't sound like anyone was feeling deprived, that there would have been more if people wanted it..

Mind you, I did have an abstemious Christmas, as it's just me and the kids, and I decided that this year I didn't want to feel sleepy by the afternoon so i skipped all booze and stuck to Shloer - completely opposite to a couple of years ago when I foolishly did some home-made advocaat and was totally sloshed by 2pm!

Exactly. As that women matures she'll realise that hopefully. She also might realise that it's not the norm for ANYONE to have spirits with a special meal, and so if you were nice enough to invite her again I'd hope that she'd realise that she'd be offered wine or something non-alcoholic with her meal and bring her own vodka instead. Cocktails are a nice idea but they're a faff to make and you were doing all the hosting and booking. The young ones could have brought the stuff to make the cocktails and made them and offered YOU one. She sounds like a right oddball.

Your Christmas Day sounds lovely although I would be a bit taken aback to not be offered any fizz or drink other than teas and coffees on arrival. Fair enough if someone WANTS a tea or coffee but really you should offer fizz or your sloe gin fizz at that point for the ones that want it f you're being festive and opening Christmas presents. I would find a cup of tea a bit boring to have at that point although any other day I'd enjoy it! And I would prefer white wine with a Christmas dinner if it was turkey but would be happy to havea a bit of red and certainly wouldn't make any mention of it.

But everything else sounds perfect and what most people do on Christmas Day and she sounds so rude for passing comment about it. I'd try to let it go however unless she's rude in other ways.

Took seconds to google the meaning.

Never surprises me the amount of posters who want to resort to name-calling a stranger who expresses a comparison to someone else and assume it is automatically a criticism.

Is this not a word people use?

How often do you hear it?

It's quite possible to enjoy alcohol in greater quantities than OP served, without becoming obnoxious drunks.

There's really no need to be snarky about other people using a wider vocabulary than you do. Which word would you prefer her to have used?

Its clearly just a case of her family being a bit rowdier and heavier drinkers.

To be fair, 4 bottles of wine/fizz would be pretty tame in my family, and we dont get rowdy with our drink. Over 12 hours, with 7 adults, I would have guessed about 10 bottles of wine.

That being said, I think she only said it as a comparison, I dont think your Christmas was boring at all!

That sounds lovely.

Even it isn't what she is used to, how incredibly rude of her to comment!

Sounds very nice and normal to me! The only thing I would have added is some mince pies or shortbread or something with the teas and coffees on arrival, but even without those things it still sounds like everyone was well provided for.

In any event, I think the GF’s comment was rude. When you’ve been hosted nicely by others it’s impolite to complain about the way they did it just because it isn’t exactly how you would do it. Although presumably she didn’t know her comments would get back to you (and your brother shouldn’t have shared them).

Your day sounded lovely.

I was looking at what could appear restrained and perhaps the flow of the booze / fizz. We don’t wait until midday (it’s usually very close but it’s not a consideration, such as waiting until 6pm for a drink..) and 1.5 bottles of fizz means 7.5 glasses amongst all of you which sounds quite metered out. We also have what people want out similar to a bar station (Pimms, gin, fizz, juice, tea, coffee etc) and then wine on the table or top ups offered before we sit (and during) and then port and liqueurs are out and moved over to the table for the puds and cheese so it’s an easy and open access. Perhaps she didn’t feel able to get what she wanted?

As others have said the girlfriend probs should have brought her favourite tipple with her but I’ll re-iterate, it sounded lovely.

It's a lot less booze than we have but she was spectacularly rude.

She sounds bloody insufferable and I hope for your sake your brother doesn’t marry her!

What a lovely Christmas you provided very generously op!

I counted 7 people that I would offer alcohol to, as I excluded the niece and your son.

2nd drink wasn't offered for an hour after the 1st one - and 2 bottles for 7 people was cutting it fine

same with the red wine at lunch - I can't believe there was any left over to be offered later on when playing games along with left over flat champagne.

I am guessing despite there being 7 people offered wine that a couple of them don't drink ?

I don't drink - no moral issues i just don't like the taste, I would have bought 4 bottles of the welcome drink fizz, 4 of champagne, 4 red and i would also have had white wine to offer too. but clearly you know your family / guests drink red.

My dh would happily drink a bottle of red himself between 3pm - 6pm - that's only one glass every 30 mins or so if you are able to get 6 glasses out of a bottle - Google tells me 5 glasses per bottle depends of course on the size of glass !

I also guess you had plenty of water and soft drinks on offer during the Christmas meal and that your family / guests drank them.

Anyway, if the new gf drinks vodka and / or cocktails then she should have brought her own with her ! and given it over upon arrival. It's so easy to buy premixed cocktails in cans and bottles these days.
silly girl !

I hope she didn't turn up empty handed ?
wine/flowers/chocs or something at least...

I wonder how many bottles the GF brought as a gift for her hosts?

There were loads of nibbles- smoked salmon blinis, mini pies, prawns, some M&S canapés. About 5 each!

It sounds fine - my only thought is that 2 bottles of wine between 9 is 1.5 glasses each no? Not sure how you had champagne and wine left over after dinner with that number of people if it was flowing freely?

Hard liquor? A mixed drink? Don’t you have a temperance meeting to go to?