Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

I never realised so many people found abstemious an odd word

If I started the day with bucks fizz there wouldn’t be any Xmas dinner 🤣 or someone else would have to do it 😆

It sounds like a lovely day to me. Honestly she has no idea what boring means. If it was because she couldn't get plastered then that's just sad.

Parsimonious is hardly the word for someone who has willingly provided food and drink that she has paid for and prepared, all day, to guests at her table!

She didn't say it was boring though. She probably mainly meant less alcohol than usual and the alcohol does sound less than I'm used to with particular drinks at particular times but some people drink too much and if lots of people get drunk and fall asleep that can be boring but isn't abstemious. I think people are interpreting her comment in ways she didn't mean. Someone needs to tell her her boyfriend is a malicious gossip though and she should just say "it was lovely dear" when he asks about her day in future

Very rude. Your day sounds great. We don't drink so she would have hated our day.

If she's a) an english teacher and b) knows what "abstemious" means I think we can hazard a guess that she knows the meaning of the word boring....although whether she does or not is completely irrelevant as if you'd read the post properly you'd have seen that at no point did the girlfriend USE the word boring or anything similar to describe the day, that is just OPs own description/concern.

Yes that's okay if you're now saying what you meant to say originally instead of making ridiculous over exaggerations to try and support your point.

"My close friends and family" is very different to "everyone I know".
The former is, what, ten, fifteen people max?

"the ten people I know well enough to know what they drink don't drink vodka but I don't know whether the other 6 billion people in the world over 30 do or not" (but if i took a second to actually think about it I would actually realise its more likely than not at least some of them do otherwise why would supermarkets and bars bother selling it?) isn't a very convincing argument.

I’ve never enjoyed alcohol apart from the odd cocktail now again and I just wonder why so many people do, is it the taste or the removal of inhibitions?
I just don’t like the thought of adding what is basically poison for the liver into my body.

Abstemious is a perfectly normal word - everyone’s heard of abstention, haven’t they? It’s the adjective for that; it’s not particularly obscure.

I still think the only person who was rude was OP’s brother for passing on a comment made privately.

👌
You really are bothered by this aren't you?

Agree, if someone claims to „do a lot of reading“ then it’s an easy word to guess. Well it’s an easy word to know the meaning of if one does read. I’d not be quick to post that I didn’t know the word and be derogatory, I may post to say ooh a new word for me how interesting.

I have never enjoyed parsnips and I wonder why so many people do.

I enjoy the taste of some alcoholic drinks, but never drink to get drunk. I drink because I enjoy it, and my "off switch" is quite low compared to many on here. I don't think the OP's day sounded abstemious at all. I think the level of drinking is similar to what we consumed.

Pick me!

Why do you have an issue with people who have a decent vocabulary? I can’t imagine personally on looking up a word I don’t understand being anything other than pleased I have a new word, even if I might not use it. You must know what abstain means?

I don't understand why so many posters are getting their knickers in a twist about the word abstemious.

It doesn't feature in my every day conversation (however, it will from now on ), but I knew perfectly well what it meant, and I think it was an appropriate description in @romanfriendsandcountrywomen first post.

It certainly sounds relatively sedate. But if she is using the word abstemious for it and likes to just drink vodka and cherry coke something tells me you won’t be ablebto do right for doing wrong. You were doomed from the outset.
I would have loved to have been a guest at yours!

Abstemious really isn't an insult though! Or she may have been commenting specifically on herself, if she usually has a few vodkas and didn't drink much as she doesn't like wine, she might have meant "I was less pissed than usual" as a self deprecating comment - it might even be a positive.
Your day sounds a good balance of decadent and classy to me. Similar to what DP and I aim for and we're early 30s, though our food is less fancy and we have a mimosa or bellini while cooking. My family Christmases were always very dull and quiet but not necessarily abstemious.

i think for such a long day it is better to be Abstemious
otherwise you end up snoozing on the sofa!

I was thinking this.abstemious is generally used with a heavy dose of self deprecation.

I'm loving the very MN reaction to "abstemious" as though it's a part of everyone's everyday vocabulary.

I have never, ever heard any friends, family or colleagues use the word "abstemious". I say this as a former English teacher. I presume I've come across it once or twice in novels, but nothing that sticks in my memory. When I saw it in the first post, it was a quick "oh, as in abstain, that makes sense" - but "abstemious" absolutely is not part of everyday vocabulary for a large proportion of people.

That doesn't make those who do use it pretentious, nor does it make them better than those who don't. Vocabulary is shaped by many factors.

It's pretty everyday to me. Though my optician recently said she'd never had anyone say 'vestigially' during an eye test before.

Coincidentally, I'm re-reading (for the millionth time) a Miss Read book and the chapter I began last night had 'abstemious' in the third or fourth paragraph.

So perhaps not everyday vocabulary but certainly not unheard of.

Having said that- these books were written some decades ago. Perhaps it was in more frequent use back then.

It is part of some people’s every day vocab and I’m surprised you haven’t come across it as an English teacher.

What qualifies as every day vocab for the general population when around 7 million people are functionally illiterate is neither here nor there.

It is part of some people’s every day vocab

I would love to see where in my post I suggested anything to the contrary.

I said "abstemious" absolutely is not part of everyday vocabulary for a large proportion of people.

When I hear the word "abstemious" dropped into conversation by friends, or spoken in the street, or written in a work email, I'll reconsider my stance.