Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

She sounds like an ugrateful 😂
Sounds like a wonderful day to me x

Rude of your brother to pass on his girlfriend’s comment!

Sounds like the main problem was that she dislikes wine and didn’t bring her own vodka.

Her family sound like my awful in-laws. Bunch of chavs making cocktails all day (badly) and then laughing about being up puking all night

It sounds a great Christmas day.

It goes both ways, my nephew spent his first Christmas with his partner's family and was horrified at the way they drank excessively all day.
I'm our home the adults don't drink and the late teens and older kids do, with no judgement on either part.
It's an insensitive and unkind comment to make about you hosting.

You also said: I'm loving the very MN reaction to "abstemious" as though it's a part of everyone's everyday vocabulary.

Which led to my response that it is part of some people’s.

Come round my way if you like, it’s definitely a word in my lexicon.

Your Christmas sounds perfect. I do not wish to castigate another person or judge them, but maybe they are not used to the kind of day you offered. You sound like a wonderful person so just do what you do. "To thine own self be true and it must follow as the night's the day, that you can be false to no man (person)"

Sounds way more decadent than mine! Grew up in a household where alcohol just wasn't served until late afternoon or even early evening on Christmas Day. Even as an adult I don't have my first drink till 4pm (but we do eat our main meal later than most). This year I did have a couple of glasses of Bucks Fizz whilst opening presents late morning but it made me feel a bit sick and sleepy.

Should add that I do like a good drink, we just don't seem to overdo it on Christmas Day. I think this woman would not have been happy with us!

Tell her next year she can bring her own spirits if that's what she wants....

I can’t believe you invited someone into your home on Christmas Day (all be it the brothers girlfriend) and she had the cheek to be so rude. Every family and traditions are different and we had a glass of wine with our meal and that was it until the in-laws went home and I opened the Gin. You spent all day running about hosting other people if it wasn’t good enough tell her to do her own Christmas next year. Your brother shouldn’t have told you to be honest there was no reason to upset you. The girl friend should have sent you a thank you card not a criticism.

"some people" =/= "everyone"

At no point did I suggest it isn't part of anyone's vocabulary, I just found it funny that some posters on this thread seem to think it's part of everyone's.

It sounds like a fabulous day!

Abstemious is a ridiculous word and maybe your brother or his girlfriend were just looking for an opportunity to try out some new vocabulary they stumbled upon.

Ignore them, they sound pretentious! You put on a lovely day and I hope your brother and his girlfriend helped out a bit 💐

I think it depends on what you are used to. That sounds similar to our Xmas as kids .dh however has a huge family and held an open house on Xmas until 3 pm
when dinner was served . Before that there were 30-40 people in and out lots of drinks , beer , wine , spirits bring your own. Chocs , crisps and pre made snacks . After dinner it continued with more people and more drinks with everyone helping themselves to cake mince pies and left over sandwiches through the evening !!

so if that’s what she’s used to I can see her point but she should have bought something with her and not expected you to cater for all tastes

She's still going to think it's tame and boring if she comes from a family where Christmas is about getting completely wasted.

I'd be more concerned your son is going to get dragged into it all and be drinking excessively at any/every occasion or having to deal with the fallout of GF doing it. It's not healthy to equate fun with copious amounts of alcohol and consider anything else boring.

The alcohol sounds about what I'd get through, but the rest of my (large) family would (and I think, did) polish off at least twice as much per head. I'm the youngest of my siblings, volunteered to drive as I'm not used to big drinking days and didn't want to be ruined on Boxing Day. The 'kids' are now all fully legal alcohol consumers, and competing with their parents for liver damage... 'We' got through countless bottles of fizz, wine, there might have been beer for my nephews (there was at round2), along with things to add to the fizz and anything else you fancied really. My parents were never big drinkers (but my Mum will happily get merry when we're all together now), but my siblings and siblings in law seem to have an endless capacity for it along with the next generation!

No indeed some people is not everyone which was rather my point. It is part of some posters everyday vocab which is why they reacted as they did - in a way that apparently surprises you.

This

It sounds a really lovely day. "sparing, moderate not self indulgent" In what way dioes this describe you and the day you organised? She's an ingrate.

It sounds like you had a wonderful day and you were a fantastic host! I'm shocked the gf complained about the alcohol! There's a few tea-totalers in our family and others who will maybe have one glass of something with lunch, then one or two in the evening if they're still here. You have been more than hospitable.... don't let her comments get to you. x

Pretentious is the word.

I had to Google what it meant and my vocabulary is good. An exam or a job interview where you want to exercise your vocab and impress others, fine, but in everyday speech it is pretentious. Remember Ben Stiller on Jonathan Ross and using the term mellifluous to describe someone's voice when an everyday term could have been used instead. He looked embarrassed almost as soon as he said it when Ross (while laughing) picked him up on it.

The iconic former Liverpool manager Bill Shankly sums it up pretty well

I honestly don't think you need to be more "fun" at all! Reading the account of your day, it looked jam packed!

Your vocabulary isn’t that good if you had to google it. I can never remember not knowing that word. It’s not pretentious if used in the correct context and it was entirely apposite as it was used here. There’s a huge amount of inverted snobbery on this thread.

Googling a bogstandard word doesn’t indicate a good vocab, nor does some weird idea that you would affect different usage in exams or interviews.

Bill Shankly just sounds thick.

Sounds lovely

Given her boyfriend is the OPs 43 year old brother, I'm sure he can navigate the horrors of a family that drinks vodka at Christmas with aplomb.

Different strokes for different folks! Sounds like you had a lovely day to me. My only feedback would be to say that If I’m hosting I would never assume what people want to drink - I always ask my guests what they like so I can accommodate (within reason). The generational comment is true to an extent but personality is too- if her family are more extrovert it’s bound to be a rowdier affair.