Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

I was coming to say something like this.

Your DB and DN loved your Xmas, after having a horrible time with the GF's family at Easter.

Definitely don't try to make your entertaining more like their family and only change things you think everyone will like.

Half a bottle among 6 adults? How does that work? You offer a glass but everyone only gets about 50 ml? Was the Prosecco just used for a toast?

If you eat too many canapés you’ve no space for the main event! And also if you start drinking champagne when you wake up you’ll be trollyed by lunchtime. It’s not being boring, it’s pacing yourself! 😆

Everyone got to lick the bottle 🤣

Btw it's not fair of your son to say "never again" about celebrations with his girlfriend's family, just because they drink more. I hope he isn't usually this inflexible!

I don't think she meant to be rude, was just an observation and comparison. It's quite hard attending a Christmas that is new to you.
I had my first one at new in laws last year. No opening presents round the tree together. No champagne, in fact no alcohol before lunch at 3
Mass in the morning followed by visiting various graves

Probably didn't help that I was missing my children, but I felt really sad and upset all day, it wasn't a criticism of their different ways of doing Christmas, I just missed my families way.

We aim for 1 bottle of wine per person, plus 1/2 bottle of fizz for any occasion.
We always have red and white. There is likely to be a bottle of Rosé in the garage fridge.
There is vodka, gin, rum and whiskey and coke, lemonade, ginger beer, and tonic. Plus, soft drinks for any drivers.
Always to have too much rather than too little.
We eat mid afternoon, too, but would expect people to have had a substantial breakfast on Christmas day so would only offer light snacks.

If she said it was nice but different to what she is used to that is not a rude comment its an observation. She can enjoy both types of occasion. If she had said I much prefer what I am used to that would have been fairly rude and if she had said it was totally boring and she hated it that would have been extremely rude.

Sounds to me like her family drink too much! I'd much prefer going to yours OP (I'm in my late 30s)

I think the day sounds nice, but as it was xmas day I would have offered a glass of fizz when everyone got there at 11 - coffee and tea was probably what set the tone of the day as being a bit boring for her, even if it actually wasn't. Maybe she felt a glass of something would have made her as a newcomer feel more relaxed straight away?

i am with you on the dry white wine

This thread is interesting in that it shows how differently people experience Christmas - but I'm amazed that the main talking point is the use of the perfectly normal word 'abstemious'!

I agree with this. If he asked her and she thought she was talking to her partner privately then it was merely a comment. She may be horrified to know he fed that back to you as I am sure she had a nice time but was just comparing to what her usual Christmases were like.

1.5 bottles of champagne for 9 people? Seriously? That is not abstemious, that is I don't know what.

Also, you don't offer to open more bottles when you have guests, you open them and start pouring, when you notice that somebody did not finish their wine, only then do you realise that the person really did not want any more.

Same goes for food. You keep serving and topping up until you genuinely notice people are full to capacity.

I know, it is tiresome, expensive, and boring, but you decided to invite them yourself, nobody forced anyone.

I remember my first Boxing Day at my in laws and feeling like this, there were loads of us there and opening another bottle of wine was a big deal. My FIL was in charge of the wine even though we all brought bottles.
It doesn’t sound like a criticism more of an observation and as others said first Christmas’ somewhere new can feel a bit weird.

It’s interesting that someone claimed it to be “precocious”. Bit strange to think a woman in her 30s to be capable of precocity, especially when she used it correctly!

Usually MN posters are falling over themselves to show how much of a good host they are so the snobbery that’s being shown on this thread is amusing, not only about spirit drinkers in general but insisting that she brought her own drink with her

I am not that big of a drinker these days but I have a fully stocked bar of wine and spirits when I have a group over to cater for everyone’s tastes

I would be embarrassed if one of my guests was drinking something they didn’t like because what they wanted wasn’t offered. Maybe it’s because I don’t really like wine or beer and that seems to be the standard offering in most places. Because of that I will always check preferences before hosting and make sure I have got it in for them

Your day sounds lovely. Howver, she sounds very rude, I wouldn't give any more thought.

Presumably everyone had breakfast. OP said there were nibbles and canapes at 1pm. Full Christmas Dinner at 3pm. Christmas pudding and chocolate log. In my experience it takes AGES. No-one rushes Christmas dinner. Lots of laughter, chatter, pulling crackers, jokes, passing of food. Everyeone is stuffed afterwards. More than at a usual Sunday roast dinner. I bet it would have been 5pm ish by the time the table was getting cleared.

The chocolates were probably getting passed round later on. OP also said an offer to open more wine, or bring out the port or Baileys was turned down as everyone said they were full, so had teas and coffees instead. If anyone is seriously wanting a full on other main meal at 9pm then they've got a problem and could go home to their own house after cheese and crackers in OP's and cook it!

It sounds reasonable to me (the plan you did). I assume by more 'adult' she is referring to more/heavy booze per person, coarse language and or vulgar games across the day. If that's not your thing, then it's not. I wouldn't change your next one for her. If she wants to spike the punch with her family then let her....

I have in the basic beer and wine for the adults, alchopops for the teens and fruit shoots and pop for the kids that's expensive enough if their is something specific guests want they need to bring it themselves which usually people do and I take drinks for myself and kids when we go to others. Surely she understands as an adult everyone does things differently has she never been invited to anything before, birthdays, bbq, house parties etc

I’d be wondering why your brother (I assume it came from him?) wanted to share this feedback with you.

OP I think your Christmas sounds lovely! Abd suited to your personalities. I don’t drink much either and wouldn’t have drunk any more than you guys did.

This is why I’d never host anyone at Christmas. 😱

It’s just the 3 of us and we don’t drink and none of us are bothered about stuffing ourselves to excess so it’s more or less like any Sunday.

But it suits us, so that’s all that matters. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, your Christmas sounds lovely. And so do you! What a lovely mum 🥰
FWIW, I’m very much someone who “likes a drink”, and often drink more than I should, but I’d have been perfectly happy with the amount you provided.