Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

Quite a lot less abstemious than ours, at least in terms of alcohol. I like to get gently merry, I can never see the merit in getting so smashed you can't remember anything and feel awful the next day.

It sounds great can I come!!
Definitely get a karaoke machine however, I'm sure some in your party can sing...

😆True! But I suppose that's why you should offer a choice. Or at least lemonade to top up a dryer white wine. MIL will do that with dry white wine. But I can't make a sweet wine less sweet.

You done more than enough op.
I wouldn't give her a second thought.

Sounds wonderful to me! Please can I come next year and she can go elsewhere?!
I agree with a previous comment that she should have provided alcohol if that’s what she felt she needed to have fun.
The only thing lacking appears to be her manners.

Sounds a lovely day to me!

I think your brother was a bit cheeky passing that info on!

Tbh it doesn't sound as if you were over-generous with the pours. You say that nine people had the low-alcohol sloe gin fizz but you only opened two bottles. No hope of a top-up, then! 🤣

When everyone had champagne, there were 9 of you but you only used 1.5 bottles.

At lunch, two bottles of red wine among 7 adults is, again, not much.

And then, you say that when you played games, there was red wine and champagne to finish off, even though you only used 1.5 bottles of the former and 2 bottles of the latter, among 7-9 people.

Your pours must have been tiny! And definitely no hope of any top-ups! I suspect that this is what gf is referring to.

I hardly ever drink, but if I was hosting a big Christmas, I'd ensure there was more alcohol than only enough for one small glass each and no top-ups. That does seem like an abstemious amount of alcohol on Christmas. I'd have doubled what you used for 7 adults and 2 teens over 12 hours.

Also, if you ate at 1, offering only cheese at 9 isn't very generous. I expect some of the guests went home a little peckish!

Christmas is a very personal thing, yours sounds fine, different to ours but that’s not a bad thing. I have a friend where her and her family all get smashed but that’s really not for me on Christmas Day…that said, there’s nothing wrong with what they do either.

That's not remotely abstemious unless you're some kind of overindulger. It sounds lovely.

Oh please on the snarky "if that's what she needed to have fun." That phrase is so tiresome and childish and close-minded.

Many people enjoy sumptuous food and drink on Christmas Day; it doesn't make them gluttons and tossers.

OP's offerings sound OK but hardly generous. Tea and coffee on arrival on Christmas morning is pretty grim.

And good hosts find out what their guests like to drink, and have it on hand.

The guest did not make the comment to the OP.

The brother was an oaf to pass it on.

lol, yes as more that two glasses of wine over 12 hours on Xmas day is over indulging.

She's priming for next Christmas when she'll insist on going to her parents for every year to come as 'it's more fun'. Don't expect to see your son on Christmas Day again!

To me this seems like a lovely day with a really good amount of food and drink offered.

The rule in our house is that if you want something specific to drink you bring it. We aren't really drinkers, but there will generally be a bottle fizz, some sort of cider and beer and lemonade/coke/squash/tea/coffee. I'm not going to trouble of spending loads on various different types of booze and mixers.

If she wanted vodka she should have brought vodka.

I would be hesitant to fall into the trap of hosting them every year.

Does DB ever host?

Sounds lovely op, and you sound like a lovely hostess.

i can take drink or leave it. Sometimes I go out and have a bit to drink and get a bit merry, if I feel like it, but mostly I don’t. But I have been accused by my brother as being boring because I don’t drink as much as he does, or my sister. They get drunk regularly. I told him that I think people who drink a lot in company do so because they’re boring people who can’t hold a conversation so just get drunk because they think being drunk makes them exciting and fun to be around, when quite often the opposite is true. Didn’t go down well with him, but I just got fed up of him mentioning this at every family get together. I can have a good time without getting drunk.

It is the OPs brothers girlfriend not her sons .

I don’t think there is anything here to suggest that this woman in her 30s is going to shack up with the OP’s 15 year old son. I feel like that would be a very different thread. 😂😂

Your day sounds great, and has got me thinking mine was probably quite dull!

@ThatKhakiMoose they ate a huge Christmas dinner at 3. I'd struggle to be hungry at 9 after that lot. The OP offered cheese but no-one was hungry.

This.

5 canapes apiece? I missed that. The girlfriend may not have been referring only to limited alcohol.

Honestly, OP's event sounds like a perfectly nice Sunday dinner type event but many people expect to go more lavish on Christmas. We open champagne and Chambord on arising.

(The only day of the year I drink in the morning, for the pearl clutchers.)

Also wanted to go back to this. I had to Google what abstemious meant, I've never come across before either in books (I do a lot of reading) or in person. Certainly from my experience it isn't a word people use so was surprised to see people responding like it was a standard word 😂

Your day sounds wonderful! She sounds rude.

In our house we had 19 people only 1 13 year old not drinking, we started with champagne at 11 through until 2/3 8 bottles also some people just had beer, after that with dinner there was red or white wine but lots of people switched to Gin, Vodka or beer. 3 or 4 bottles of Port later on with cheese, everyone left about midnight.

This is a fairly standard Xmas in our house and in other family members houses but I do know some people who would only have as much as you did.

Personally when I invite people for Xmas day I make sure I know what they all drink and have plenty in so we don't run out, but also everyone that comes always brings what they drink so slightly rude that she turned up at your house expecting to drink Vodka without supplying anything?

I would say abstemious compared to what I am used to but I would also like to say what a twat she is for using the word abstemious!