Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

I think it sounds like a lovely day

Her Christmases sound like my parents ones and that's why we (DH,DC and I) prefer that to my in laws but even yours sound better than my in laws

Sounds like the right word to convey what she was probably trying to say. You might call her attitude obnoxious, but I don't see why the word is a problem. I'm struggling to think of another which would be as fitting tbh.

Personally I would find it a bit dull, we don’t switch the tv on at Christmas and I can’t imagine all sitting around it on Christmas Day. Each to their own though and I’m sure a lot of people like that.

You offered a lot more food than I would but less alcohol!

I wouldn't judge her for expecting a bit more alcohol to be offered. It's just a question of what you are used to.

We had 8 adults for the meal. One was driving so she stuck to tea, mineral water and a couple of AF cocktails. One BF turned up later in the evening and drank 0% Guinness.
Between 3.30pm and 11.30 when they left, we drank about 20 tins/bottles of beer/cider/hard seltzer, 3 bottles of red wine, a bottle of Sancerre, a couple of bottles of champagne and assorted cocktails -the younger crowd drank Margaritas made by adult DC, also G&Ts. I didn't drink until I'd finished cooking but then enjoyed a few Negronis as well as some champagne.

Like PP we didn't turn the tv on. After dinner we played Traitors, chatted and sang. It was great. And like other PP we make sure that our guests know where the glasses, drinks (alcoholic and soft) and ice are kept so that after the first couple have been served to them they know where to get top ups. It makes for a very relaxed, communal atmosphere.

We are old so wouldn't normally have cider or hard seltzer or tequila in the house but bought them in for the under thirties. What they didn't drink went home with them.

It's a lot but it was spread over a good few hours. No one was messy drunk and adult DC were up early for the gym the next day.

I generally try and avoid people who can only equate fun with alcohol.
Nothing wrong with drinking but if you can't enjoy yourself unless you get drunk then its a bit sad.

Far too much booze.

Fibe for alcoholics or heavy drinkers.

Not enough grub.

I barely drink though!

yes it was a silly oversight, I’m watching a documentary while reading this.

This sounds like the sort of family Christmas that I’ve always dreamed of.

It bothers me that people don’t realise how lucky they are.

Your Christmas Day sounds lovely OP!!

They probably did not want to drink your awful dry white wine /if they like sweet white wine 😂😂

Your Christmas sounds absolutely lovely, OP. I also had a lovely, albeit quiet, Christmas at my in-laws’. Central European Christmas is rather more reserved, centred around fish and very low alcohol. No games, and even the carols were a very tasteful choral arrangement. It was extremely nice and I would never say otherwise to my lovely family, but a small bit of me yearns for a dose of festive chaos, a glass of champagne and some turkey. One day…

Your Christmas Day sounds great. That's way more booze than we have and a good variety too. Coffee and tea to start and end the day sounds lovely too.

Do they have a proper Christmas dinner in their own house first? I don't know anyone who has finished their Christmas Dinner early enough to go round to someone else's house for 3pm. Unless there is a general agreement amongst you all to just have a starter and mains in your own houses then come round to yours for the pudding and cheese courses?

@romanfriendsandcountrywomen your Christmas sounds absolutely lovely.

One thing I have learnt is that every family has their own Christmas format and traditions. It’s only when you spend Christmas with a partners family do you realise that not everyone celebrates Christmas the way your family does.

No one way is right or wrong just different.

I would describe that as a very pleasant level of indulgence. Why would you want to be drunk at someone’s family Christmas, nicely merry is definitely more enjoyable for all!

This sounds lovely, not abstemious.

I think the people who want to be actually drunk are either bored shitless or would be drunk at any event.

It's sounds lovely to me.
I'm not a big drinker so leave organising alcohol to my partner.
If I had specific likes/preferences re drinks I would have taken them for the day eg vodka & mixers. I would also have taken a contribution eg nice chocs, wine etc

What did DB & GF bring to the day?

I would say 'how rude of her' but it does depend whether it was just your DB that she said it to.

It sounds like a lovely, sophisticated and enjoyable Christmas.

We didn't have alcohol as have a recovered alcoholic in our household- it was still fun!

It sounds lovely!! 🥰

OK.

None of my close friends or family drink vodka. I have no idea what aquaintances I know drink because I don't drink with them.

Is that OK?

So, if I was a vodka drinker I would bring a bottle with me.

Sounds fine to me , if she doesn’t want to come again nobody will force her to . FWIW I’m a total non drinker as is my husband and our adult children so nobody gets offered alcohol if they come to us because I don’t buy it . We were at my sisters Christmas Day and the only person who had a drink was my other sisters husband and my sister who was hosting very kindly provides wine etc for him .

My thoughts exactly.

I'd provide drinks if I was hosting. But people are welcome to bring their own preferred ones if they'll only drink one type of drink and turn down everything else. I'll take whatever's on offer if I was a guest at someone's house, but I understand that some people have very specific favourite drinks sometimes eg they only drink a specific fruity cider and wouldn't drink anything else. And I can't be doing with people insisting that they will only, for eg, drink Coke Zero and so refuse a Pepsi, or the other way round. If you're that fussy bring your own specific cola. I'm too old to transporting 2 whole drinks aisles from Tescos to my house

Your Christmas sounds fantastic OP!! A really nice day. She should have brought her own drinks f it bothered her. If the comment comes again, I'd 100 percent say, we are excited to see how you do it next year - your turn!