Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

No. It sounds lovely. I spent it in a&e with a family member who broke something...couldn't fault the staff. Didnt have any Christmas dinner but that didn't matter.

It’s less alcohol than I'm used to on xmas day and starting later. Xmas day is the only day where we have a bucks fizz ( or several) with breakfast/ present opening. I usually take alcohol if going away and this year took beer and several bottles of wine. If I wanted spirit's I’d take them as the relative we spent xmas with isn't a spirit drinker but happy for people to bring stuff they want to drink and open it whenever. When you

It all sounds delicious and very hospitable, and maybe your brother should start the new year with a vow of silence for at least a week.

I don't understand the presumption that abstemious is a bad thing. To me it's a completely neutral term, and surely anyone can imagine Christmases both more and less boozy than the OP's one. That's like saying someone's Christmas party is busier. Good or bad surely is in the eye of the beholder.

You all sound like lovely people OP, both you and your guests.

OP said twice in her OP alone that there were 7 adults plus 2 older teenagers. So maybe half a bottle, which is, what, two large wine glasses each.
I don't think that is much over the course of 12 hours, particularly on Christmas day?
2/3 glasses of wine over the whole day is hardly a "substantial" amount of alcohol!

I'm 43 and was drinking vodka at my xmas party and another event in the last week though confess I usually drink wine.

Sounds like a truly lovely Christmas Day and as someone else commented “can I come too” 😂
Honestly though, it sounds like you were very attentive with food/drinks etc making sure everyone had a nice day. Good for you OP!
I don’t associate Christmas Day with booze, cocktails, spirits, vodka etc. for me it’s more about the food, home comforts (a nice cuppa) and a relaxing chilled day with family. I get the impression she is perhaps a bit immature?

I’m very much a wine, vodka or gin type of drinker.

Not so keen on most red wines, definitely don’t want a pint or a sherry or a Pimm’s.

Look, OP, I wouldn't overthink it. People's ideas of Christmas 'normal' vary widely. There's was nearly a fullscale riot on here recently on whether all presents are opened first thing in the morning by children, or stockings only, the rest kept till after church/lunch/the King's Speech, and another on a thread where an OP was 'disgusted' by her DH's 'inability to delay gratification', which turned out to mean he ate some special cheese they'd planned to keep till Christmas Day.

You do you, and don't think you need to reinvent it as some kind of youth-attractor thing.

Sounds to me like the girlfriend learnt a new word recently and was trying to sound smart but just came across as pretentious.

another "I don't know anyone..." er 🙄

HOW do you know what "everyone" you know drinks? I wouldn't have a scoobies whether 99% of the people I know drink vodka specifically or not.

You're saying you know the exact drinking habits, down to whether they do/don't partake in every individual spirit, of all your old uni friends, mums you chat to at the school gates, your hairdresser, your boss, all your colleagues, neighbours, extended family....?

You must have some odd conversations. I don't even know whether half the people of my acquaintance drink at all, let alone whether they like vodka but can't stand rum and what their views are on whiskey...

Just say "me, my two friends and my sister don't drink vodka so I've extrapolated that out to everyone I've ever met" if that's what you actually mean!

Eh? It wasn't a cocktail party. There was a whole feast coming. 5 canapes each is totally fine, if plent of crisps and nuts are left out for the hungrier people. If you go out to a fancy restaurant and you're served canapes in the bar first you don't usually get more than 3 or 4. Rarely 5 but definitely no more than that because it's just a precursor to the main event. I don't know what you expect of canapes. Do you usually have them as part of a buffet? As in a "party food" buffet at New Years Eve or something?

Me too! This is why I like Mumsnet. It gives me a range of opinions and I can figure out where I fall.

I'm currently on "My Christmas was nice but perhaps could have been a bit more fun. "

Rude! Your Christmas sounds great.

I think your DB probably paraphrased and lost the context. She might have said 'That was lovely, different to the boozy Christmas do's I'm used to at home.'

You've seen that she's nice from your personal interactions so far, that's all that matters.

Your brother's girlfriend sounds nice... but more pretentious than what I'm used to.

I think it's useful feedback in the long term as now you know what she drinks and can get some in or ask her to bring some. Next time I’d be more flexible saying " would anyone like a drink?" listing the drinks available and I'd encourage people to help themselves to future drinks so you're not being drinks monitor all day. You do seem to have been quite prescriptive in what drink people can have when

I'm finding the posts on this thread about using the word 'abstemious' really strange. It wasn't pretentious, it's one of the few occasions it was the ideal time to use it.

It's a word I know, but can't remember the last time I used it as there are not many situations that crop up that are suitable. (And people to say it to that would understand it, judging by this thread).

Did you not have tea? I'd find that pretty odd. But it sounds a lovely day.

OP, how did your other guests find your Christmas? Did they think it could have had more “fun”? Or were they very happy with the delicious food, drink, relaxing and company? Would they have actually kind of hated it if you forced karaoke on them? Or alternatively, do you look back and notice that people might have preferred a different activity to the film? My point is, you’ve had ONE comment from ONE guest who clearly comes from a big roudy boozing family. Do you really think that you need to change your lovely Christmas traditions to better suit ONE guest, and potentially upset or disgruntle your familiar guests who had a lovely time and wouldn’t have wanted it another way?

It sounds normal to me. Vodka is not a traditional Christmas drink so if she wanted to drink vodka she should have brought some.

Well, I'm sure it'll be a cracking Christmas next year when DB's GF is hosting everyone.

(She will be hosting, right? She's not just an ungrateful so-and-so?)

I would hate to think people were sitting waiting on me offering a drink of their choice. Everyone is welcome to help themselves to our drinks trolley and mixers as well as the wine fridge the coffee machine and the kettle. Most of our friends and family do the same and they mostly bring extra whatever alcohol they’re drinking. There’s a cocktail making station if that floats their boat too.

Honestly, half the time on here if you have more than a thimbleful you’re a raging alcoholic. We open the champagne when we get up on Christmas Day as do most people we know.

5 canapés each was measly and I wouldn’t have offered tea and coffee only at 11am, people are free to choose whatever they wish to drink on Christmas Day in our home without judgement.

It sounds a pretty boring Christmas Day and I’d have been bored tbh but we’re used to having a houseful of family normally.

She’d have hated my Christmas then! Steak and chips, lots of quiet, films throughout the day, and the adults in bed by half 9…..

A good guest will always anticipate that there is a small possibility the hosts may have underestimated the amount needed, or be on a very tight budget, and brought some gifts such as at least one bottle of wine, their own favourite tipple in case it's not something the host would ordinarily keep in, and some nice crackers and/or cheese, fancy crisps, mince pies or chocolates.

There will only be any awkwardness if the guest has no manners and asks for more without being offered anything when it's obvious there is no more wine or dessert etc and then gets the awkward glances or gets told there is none. As a guest if the last bit of wine had been used from a bottle I would always offer to open the one I'd brought next if I or anyone else wanted more. They can always turn it down with a "oh, no, don't worry, we've already got another 2 there. Unlese you'd prefer a change?". Gives a guest the option to open their own if what they've been served isn't to their taste. My inlaws had very sweet cheap wine at Christmas dinner for many years, I used to hate it. We started taking our own dry stuff and they thought they were being good hosts by insisting on serving theirs. 😫