Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

I don’t think your day sounds boring but I do think you were a bit rude not checking with your brother ahead of time what his girlfriend drinks if you didn’t want to ask her directly

If I was hosting I wouldn’t expect my guests to have to bring their own drinks

So, she was invited and only really drinks vodka - why did she no offer to bring a bottle then? And I also hope they contributed something to the celebration too.

You seem to have entertained perfectly - don't beat yourself up.

You drank and ate a heck more than I did ( and I still managed to put 5lbs on!)
GF would have died of boredom at our house.

We hosted this Christmas and bought bottles of red, white and champagne. We also had some beers. Everyone just helped themselves and offered each other drinks. We didn't have set times for anything.

Everyone then also brought what they wanted to drink so FIL had Guinness MIL had Bailey's, my DM brought more wine and champagne.

We were 7 adults and two older teens. We probably managed 4 or 5 champagne, one prosecco and 3 bottles of white plus beers and shorts. Only one person was drunk by time they left at 9 and my teens don't drink.

Cor, your Xmas day makes mine look abstemious and I thought we had a lovely day. 🙂. I don't drink so there was just wine, if people wanted it, no pudding because no one eats pudding, no games because everyone is Uber competitive and falls out. Oh and I forgot the crackers. Your day sounds lovely, can I book for next year?

Fascinating how much judgement 'hard spirits' are getting. It doesn't sound like she was suggesting licking tequila shots off grandma!
I wonder if there would be such cats bum mouths if she was a sauvignon blanc drinker and there was only red available. A vodka and cranberry is no more hardcore a drink than a glass of wine, just personal preference about how your fuzzy drug of choice tastes. And Nigella always makes Christmas cocktails so they're as middle class as it comes!
OP I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like an off the cuff comment to your indiscrete DB, just acknowledging that you do Christmas a bit differently to her family. It really doesn't sounds like a complaint. Maybe she does prefer a more pickled Christmas, maybe it was just a surprise to experience something quite different to her norm, but she said it was nice so I'd take her at her word.

Your day sounds perfect OP and you sound lovely, I’m sure you have no worries about boyfriends, girlfriends wanting to spend time in your company in the future.
A noisy boozy Christmas would be my absolute nightmare, you had the perfect family time!

I was eating sawdust from the floor and catching raindrops from the sky for refreshment. Luxury! I think I win for being most abstemious.

How rude ,to be anything other than greatful that you were invited somewhere on Christmas day ,and didn't have to lift a finger to cook or your bank card to pay .
It sounded absolutely lovely op

Bloody hell, I think that's loads of alcohol!! We opened ONE bottle of fizzy wine at lunch time and had some Baileys cream with mince pies....practically virginal in comparison??!

Sounds like a really nice day. I don’t get the whole getting shitfaced at family Christmas thing. And sloe gin fizz sounds 🤌

She was grateful. She said it was lovely, just different to her usual Christmas.

she didn't say it to OP though!

Are you saying, if asked a direct question by her partner, presumably in the privacy of her/his own home, she shouldn't be allowed to answer honestly if it could be considered even the slightest bit critical? That's not a very healthy relationship! If they stay together is she never allowed to say anything even the tiniest bit negative about him, his family or friends, ever?

She literally only said there wasn't as much alcohol as she is used to, not even that there should have been more. I notice nobody calling her rude has criticised the brother for completely slagging off her family's celebrations, calling them "awful" and saying "never again", which most people would consider far ruder than "nice but more abstemious than I'm used to!"

I find it a bit ironic that so many posters don't seem to see the irony in rushing to denounce a complete stranger judgemental and rude based on one comment while doing the exact same thing themselves!

Cheeky cow. If she wanted to get drunk on spirits, she could have bought some.
Was she there peeling potatoes & Brussels the day before. Shopping for Crackers. Did she help serve, & wash up ?
It's A LOT of work. tell your brother "Good Luck with that"

Mm. Personally I wouldn't worry as there's a reasonable chance you won't be hosting her next year. Much younger than your DB, with a very different view of what constitutes a good time, DN wasn't comfortable with her family...she may well not be a lasting addition to your family anyway. Your Christmas sounds lovely and the only hosting take away I think is that it's probably best just to point people at the alcohol and tell them to help themselves rather than serve it at set times.

Maybe her Christmas is usually a little more Three Fights, Two Weddings, and a Funeral? Perhaps you could pencil in some drunken brawling between the dessert and cheese courses next year.

Ignore that poster. You were the perfect host, food-wise. Those nibbles sound lovely, and plentiful. If there were plenty of everything for the main Christmas dinner, dessert , chocolates with coffee etc, you started and finished late there there is no way anyone who had eaten plenty would want a more substantial evening meal just a couple of hours later.

We always have cheese and crackers, pate, crusty bread, chutneys etc on Christmas night. There is much as anyone can eat. If anyone is more hungry than that they can have leftover turkey, fruit. I can't actually believe someone would cook a whole other meal after all that excess and rich food.

If I only drank vodka and was invited to someone's house I would bring a bottle with me. I wouldn't expect to be offered any.

TBH, I don't know anyone over 30 who still drinks vodka.

Well we were four adults and one teen. We had one bottle of fizz (not finished), two glasses of port and one G and T between us. So I wouldn’t describe your Christmas as abstemious. I don’t think ours was, either — we just don’t put a lot of focus on drinking.

Sounds like she’s just used to a slightly louder type of day with drinks other than wine, beer and sherry basically.

I know I swore last year to never new years at the in-laws again because it was like a linp
fish basically. They don’t know that though and dh wouldn’t dare tell them 😅

What a cheek on her part. You bring a bottle or 3 if someone is putting on a whole day for you. She could have brought those spirits she wanted.

I think that she was very rude. You did a huge amount of work to make the day a success and she found fault. Perhaps just invite her for tea and turkey sandwiches if she's still around next year?

What? Nobody over 30? I can’t think of anyone I know in their 30’s who doesn’t.

It sounds lovely to me.
I think she's very rude
I certainly wouldn't expect to be offered spirits as part of a meal, and if she really wanted Vodka, she should have brought her own

Sounds 0k to me
We went to inlaws where we are basically allowed a welcome drink and a glass of wine with dinner, the kids are rationed to 2 chocolate coins each and screamed at by their own father for daring to have a 3rd after eight.
Minus games or TV.
Have sworn I'm never going again.