To ask why women would be uncomfortable with unisex bathrooms

[Chumssss]

Discussion with my DH tonight about this. Am I right in thinking that unisex bathrooms are not great?

It's OK sharing feelings about unisex toilets on mumsnet etc. The fact is until women fight for the right to not have strange men sharing their facilities there is no point in complaining. My earlier post describing my disgust at a theatre where a man in a hurry to get back to his seat before the show started displayed his appendage before entering the cubicle thinking the space was empty. It wasn't.

Look some places only have unisex and that’s our choice to use them. But why should we lose the option of going to places where we know there are women-only bathrooms?

I know, ‘not all men,’ whatever. The issue is you can’t tell who is safe.

Not every woman shares a home with a man, so no, not necessarily. And those of us that do, reserve the right to share our homes with men who we are reasonably sure won't assault us, or won't pee on the seat and leave a puddle on the floor. So.

Ive worked in pubs too and have only had the opposite, but if this was in anyway true, unisex toilets would be utterly shit for men too. So not really a winning ‘yay for unisex toilets’ argument.

According to Cambridge rape crisis website one in 30 women are raped or sexually assaulted every year in the UK. I’d imagine overwhelmingly by men.

I don’t like the odds of not sharing bathroom space with such a man in unisex public bathrooms especially as you can’t tell if there are lots of people in there (so safer) or not until you’re in and there’s normally only one way in and out.

I know a predator could use bathrooms this way at the moment but it’s so much more unlikely when they can’t pretend to be in there for good reason.

I’ve been in two unisex facilities where the men left the cubicle doors open. One was onto a corridor in a restaurant. The other was in a railway toilets which had been women only but then turned unisex. I was with my young children and complained to railway staff who said it was always happening.

I can't see men being keen that keen on a shared loo. There tends not to be queues at the gents for a start.

It just feels awkward, and too much familiarity with complete strangers of the opposite sex. If given a choice - ie on an aeroplane- then it has to be accepted, but it is uncomfortable all round.

Unisex means gender neutral. Well, as a female I am not gender neutral so I prefer a loo for ladies only.

What if someone doesn't consider themselves male or female but say a cat? Is there going to be giant litter tray positioned next to the unisex loo?

often those cords are tied up but even if not what if you collapse without being able to pull the cord? I was once very unwell in a cubicle and someone came to help because they saw me collapsed on the floor via the gap

I've experienced this - I'd like to know from men if men do this in male-only facilities, or if it's a power-play or creep thing that they reserve for mixed-sex facilities. (Whatever the answer, it's gross and unacceptable. )

Definitely this. If no washbasin in the actual toilet cubicle you have to go outside to wash your hands with possible period blood on too.

Single sex toilets that are private but can be accessed easily in an emergency are vital. Choking is another example of when people tend to run to a toilet and then pass out.

DH managed to save someone when he saw them choke and run into a restaurant toilet. The poor guy collapsed but DH climbed over the cubicle door and thankfully got to him in time.

Of course small private venues might have room for only one or two fully enclosed toilets. But bigger places where so called progressive unisex sealed cubicles are replacing open plan single sex ones are absolutely not prioritising safety.

The only way I can maybe be okay with them is if they’re bigger toilets and the hand washing/mirror area is inside. But then the queue is going to turn massive with people waiting for other people to get ready.

However given men’s history, chances are some creep will either stick his 🍆 in the hand soap or put a camera in there. Or both.

Ever notice with these types of posts that you have an overwhelming majority of women explaining all the reasons they don’t want, like or can be in unisex toilets, then around 5% who say ‘I’m not bothered, I don’t see the issue’ (obviously without the ability to read the other 95% of posts).

But nobody ever says ‘unisex toilets are great actually for x, y and z and all toilets should be like this’, it’s more just general nonchalance and ‘don’t really care’

So on the basis that 95%+ don’t like them, and 5% aren’t bothered, why in the world are they even in place?

(I know why really, but I’m sort of curious if the ‘what’s the issue’ crowd could explain the positives).

I have run a public venue.

Mens toilets are routinely filthier, stinkier.
Men often try to spy on women in toilets, from recording the sound of weeing to climbing into the roof space above cubicles to film, or just putting cameras on the ceiling, or just lurking in a cubicle for ages listening to women in either side weeing.

Lots of women feel self conscious making unwrapping noises wrt menstrual protection products with a strange male the other side of a cubicle wall

Lots of women just feel vulnerable with their knickers down in close proximity to strange men.

I just don't want to share a vulnerable space with men. Also, unisex toilets make it easier for sexual assault to take place.

The bathroom is more than a place to wee. On nights out when I was younger, I used to go there to escape creepy guys. You go there to cry. People talk about their boyfriends in there. It's a safe place to ask for menstrual products from other women.

I just don't want men in that space, when for drunk and vulnerable women it is actually a place you go for a bit of peace and safety sometimes. Also, women in some religions might find it super uncomfortable. And call me paranoid, but I just don't wanna be sat pants down with only me and a door with a shit lock between me and a man.

Finally, blokes toilets are generally just grimmer. Public toilets are nasty anyway, but men's are 100x worse.

It would bother me slightly less in a controlled work setting (like a toilet for a small number of people in an office), but even so, so many men pee on the seat and don't clean it up.

Would you really want your daughter having to go into a bathroom full of men?

Having walked into the men's toilets before by accident, the stench hit me before I even saw the urinals.

Absolutely this. I always notice when the ceiling tiles are missing above a cubicle and you can see up into the space above. Never ever use those ones and do a quick check before I let DC’s into a cubicle.

I'm not uncomfortable as long as it's secure cubicles and no urinals. I actually prefer mixed changing at the pool because I don't have to find two separate shampoos and shower gels.

Many places have mixed sex toilets without issue eg small hospitality venues, transport and homes of course. In big locations eg stadiums and shopping malls there's no reason not to have a variety of options to suit everyone including some mixed sex for both trans individuals and families where it's a mum and son or father and daughter too old to go into the opposite sex but parents don't want them going in alone, better than using the disabled toilets

My DH hates unisex toilets, says they make him feel really uncomfortable and self conscious about making a noise or a smell. I suspect lots of men feel the same, lots of people prefer privacy from the opposite sex.

Thank you all for your responses. You’ve mainly echoed my opinions. My DH isn’t saying that all public bathrooms should be unisex, but didn’t believe that my opinion (that they were a terrible idea for women) was that widely held. I wanted to prove that it was

Because a lot of men piss all over the toilet seat even more so when they are drunk. I don’t want to have to mop up piss before I can sit and have a wee.

I didn’t mean “women”, I meant society as a whole.

I think it’s quite obvious that’s what I meant.

This is an important point. It never ceases to amaze me how many people don't realise that toilet doors not being floor to ceiling is an intentional design feature which means you can see if someone has collapsed.