To ask why women would be uncomfortable with unisex bathrooms

[Chumssss]

Discussion with my DH tonight about this. Am I right in thinking that unisex bathrooms are not great?

Funnily I find a lot of women “squat” over toilets when using public ones so finding piss on the seat is not uncommon for me in many a single sex ladies toilet.

Clearly you've never had a very heavy period, flooding or a miscarriage in a loo. Lots of blood to deal with. No matter how carefully you wipe your hands with loo paper, the blood stains your skin — you need soap and water to wash it off. And if you have to exit the cubicle to wash your hands you may well end up with pink water in the basin as you soap up. And of course blood smells strongly of iron. It's not disgusting, it comes with being female. What's a woman supposed to do when she has menopausal flooding or a miscarriage at work? Do you think those things are disgusting? Why? They are perfectly normal.

I still don’t understand why any of that leads to you having blood stained hands, risking leaving blood on the toilet door handle and tap?

I have fibroids and so my periods were like a waterfall plus I use menstrual cups and yet have never once had to walk to the sink to clean off “blood stained hands”. And if I ever had to do that I would find it equally uncomfortable being beside a woman or a man.

I have fibroids so heavy periods come with the territory and nope, never had to stumble to the sink with “blood stained hands” to wash off “blood and gore”.

Oh look, you inserted 'stumbling'.

Never tried fiddling around for a tampon string after you've flooded? Never got bloody fingers after changing a soaked tampon or a moon cup? If you've never had blood-stained hands, you really haven't had a heavy period.

Yes, why use 'stumble', JHound?

Well, there were reasons that historically, women here in the UK fought for single sex rather than mixed sex toilets (and other spaces - after all, most of the "debate" on this goes way beyond toilets) in the first place.

Were they wrong to do that? Are the reasons no longer valid? How does that square with organisations like, for instance, Unesco, currently actively fighting for separate toilet and washing facilities for women and girls in developing countries as a women's human rights issue? Are they wrong and misguided in that?

And wouldn't it have been better to discuss whether they were still required or wanted with those actually impacted by changing them to mixed sex before imposing mixed sex toilets on every woman, regardless of whether they consented or not?

If you're fortunate enough not to have experienced it, then there's no way of explaining to you. (I've seen the same argument on Twitter countless times. Several women, raise the problem of needing to clean up. There's always one person who reckons that it's not a problem because neither she nor her daughter ever experienced it.)

I went through hell when I was perimenopausal - I had endo. Yes, you clean up as best as you can with loo paper and wipes if you have them on you. (You try to be fully prepared, but perimenopause is dreadful for some, even with medical intervention.) I'm through it now, but I recall having to wear Tampax plus night time pads and still only lasting 50 minutes.

You avoid touching the handle...but sometimes blood does get on your hands. Ditto if you're unfortunate enough to have a miscarriage at work, as happened with me.

You try to get to the sink without anyone seeing you and you clean up properly. You make sure that you leave everything spick and span.

You don't need the added stress of having men around.

So where do you rinse out your menstrual cup?

Unfortunately there are so many weirdos and perverts on the loose, they are totally unsafe. It really worries me as I have a 7 Yr old who wants to be independent. No chance of that happening in one of those toilets, I'll be on the lookout.

My friends and I were on a long weekend and went to the Slug and Lettice and came across an obvious man dressed as a woman trying to enter the female loo. We stopped him as it's just ludicrous. There were young girls using the toilet.

I wouldn’t want to be on a period sorting myself out knowing there’s most definitely a man having his 70 hour shite/ phone and fogging my 1 minute wee and tampax change wrestling 2 kids. There should always be a massive block of concrete between men and women When they don’t know each other and bathrooms you don’t see men with 2/3 kids in a man’s cue for a loo ever there always with the long suffering mums

I've read the rest of the thread & noticed there are discussions about floor to ceiling cubicles. At the time I witnessed a man presenting his genitals albeit unwittingly before a hurried start of a theatre performance thinking he'd be alone in the area,I couldn't have cared less about the design of the cubicles.We were both in the area one going in,one going out with a man preparing himself as if he was in a male only toilet. I was shocked but even more discusted at the thought I could have had a child with me.

Edited to add I think unisex toilets are an abomination of human rights.

I don't think I've used one, but I wouldn't be comfortable using one that was say a set of cubicles with sinks outside albeit I'd use it if I had to of course. When I was heavily pregnant I was unwell at work one day and threw up all over myself. I went into the ladies to clean myself off and had to remove my dress in order to rinse the vomit off. I had a female colleague in there with me making sure I was alright. With her there, I was merely embarrassed at being almost naked, heavily pregnant, and covered in sick. Had one of my male colleagues walked in (who were all lovely and people that I generally liked and trusted) oh good god no. I would not have attempted to clean myself up had it been a unisex toilet I just couldn't do it I would have gone home still covered in sick and I don't think any of my male colleagues would have liked stumbling in on me like that either had it been that way.

You've reminded me of the time a few months ago when I went to use the loo at a very nice cafe and found it was mixed-sex. Opened the door to find three cubicles, one of which was occupied by a man having a pee with the door of his cubicle wide open. He turned round before he'd zipped up, too. I'm a lesbian: I don't want to see dicks at any time.

Understandable & as on my post Predictive text disgusted not discusted

I'm not someone who dislikes transwomen or anything - but the ladies toilets are a safe place for women (however they come 🙂) from men and their evil ways 😒

A favourite restaurant has made their toilets unisex. The result is that they now stink. Stink. There is usually piss on the floor and seat. (Also, it was clearly put together by a man and so the mirrors are too high for an average woman). They're down a corridor so as a woman you get the frisson of unease because your safety is compromised, and yet luckily the men have so far looked equally horrified at the sight of us in the loos. No-one likes them, except the type men who get off on making women uncomfortable and so insist upon having those spaces.

The same people who say “but signs on toilet doors won’t stop rapists”! are the same ones who bleat about transwomen needing to be in women’s toilets for their own safety.

So they seem to know that door signs work when it’s men’s safety at stake.

Unisex toilet where I work, often walk in to see seat up and yellow piss on the ceramics and floor,

Gross. 🤮

Men. Fucking entitlement.

The thing is, even in best case scenarios, it's not great.

In some instances they are not so bad, but even there just one person who makes someone uncomfortable can change that.

And lots of women probably wouldn't be bothered in plenty of circumstances - except when they are. I might not mind at work with a couple of men I know and like, who are sensitive, but I sure as heck mind at night in a bus station with people I don't know, some of whom may appear to be weirdos, drug addicts, or whatever. I know lots of young women who shared washrooms at University and didn't mind at all, but then one guy who you had some kind of uncomfortable moment is there, and it's not ok all of a sudden.

So apart from situations where you can control who has access, like in your home, they just don't really work.

The fully enclosed cubical thing I don't like. It's trying to replicate the kinds of individual washrooms you see in smaller places which are usually unisex, but IMO they are too small, I find them difficult to maneuver in and I'm able bodied. You can't really take a child in, much less an infant in even a small stroller, and they make me really claustrophobic. They can be a bugger to clean as well.

I would not like to use a unisex toilet myself for many of the reasons above, but I do worry about my son when he is of age. He will one day be expected to use a male toilet as a child and it does make me worry that I won’t be able to go in there to wait for him and I’ll have to wait outside. Men have been known to prey on young males also.

The answer would be to have a unisex toilet in addition to male and female ones, rather than instead of. This would solve a lot of issues for families, carers and also be inclusive of trans/non-binary people. The problem is probably going to be that most already existing businesses/premises don’t have the space for this but it would be great if there could be new building regs put in place for all new build offices and public spaces.

Another thing I have noticed is that the baby change is always in the female toilets, so where is my DH meant to change a nappy if he is out with the baby without me?! I think building regulations need to be updated to this century for everyone’s benefit.

Toilets should be strictly sex divided. No man should ever a woman's toilet and vice versa. I've known women go into a man's toilet when the women's were busy and this should also be banned.

In the work place, fine. In pubs and clubs, no thanks.

I really do not want to do number 3!!! Sounds terrible

So therefore nobody has? So selfish and stupid a way of thinking.