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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why women would be uncomfortable with unisex bathrooms

388 replies

Chumssss · 28/12/2024 21:58

Discussion with my DH tonight about this. Am I right in thinking that unisex bathrooms are not great?

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 29/12/2024 00:28

BlueLurker · 29/12/2024 00:03

A man (or anyone really) who wants to assault could do it equally well in a place with a ‘women’ sign on the door… it’s not as if they have a particularly high regard for rules in any case. And before anyone says ‘but you can tell by looking’, there have been several horrific reports of short haired/butch-presenting women being berated in loos for exactly this reason, and that’s not ok either.

I’ve worked in a place with neutral loos and there was never an issue.

My favourite bar in town only had space to put in two small (individual) loos so they decided to make them both neutral - it’s a female-run venue and no one has ever complained.

The BA lounge loos in Heathrow T5 have all been made neutral this year, it has helped no end with queues - previously either the men’s or women’s usually had mega queues (but no rhyme or reason for which it was at any moment), but now supply much more closely matches demand.

So no, I don’t have a problem with it, and in many cases it’s actually better. Many public toilets could do with far more regular cleaning, but this isn’t really a gender thing.

The BA loos in the LHR Lounges are probably quieter because many women are using the ones outside the lounge in the main departures area! They are usually manky and that's despite having an attendant regularly clean them. If I have plenty of time I'll head to the B Gates lounge which is much quieter and cleaner.

By comparison the Edinburgh and Glasgow lounge female loos are immaculate and smell heavenly. (Still segregated)

GauntJudy · 29/12/2024 00:30

I feel uncomfortable and anxious in them. They feel like a quiet corner where a sexual assault could easily happen.

Keeptoiletssafe · 29/12/2024 00:35

GauntJudy · 29/12/2024 00:30

I feel uncomfortable and anxious in them. They feel like a quiet corner where a sexual assault could easily happen.

Unfortunately you are right and they are.

AWOL66 · 29/12/2024 00:35

Anyone who has to ask this question has a very rosey view on the world in terms of how many men are sex offenders and how many men don't pee on the loo seat...I'm jealous I wish I still thought like that!

yipyipyop · 29/12/2024 00:35

Women leave public toilets in disgusting states too. They piss all over the seats and leave shit splattered up the pan. I wouldn't mind as long as they were fully enclosed cubicles. I can see why some women wouldn't be comfortable with it though.

HeWhoMustNotBeNamed · 29/12/2024 00:40

Having just come back from a french skiing holiday where the majority of loos were unisex (I imagine because space and water is at a premium on the mountain!), it wouldn't bother me in principle. However the french loos are much more open plan in general so it would be harder to assault someone.

Marshbird · 29/12/2024 00:42

curtaintwitcher78 · 28/12/2024 22:39

Whenever you go to the toilet in a small cafe/restaurant where there's only one toilet, it's unisex.
When your friend goes to the toilet in your house, it's unisex.

If I go into a small unisex toilet in a small restaurant and it’s a mess with piss on seat, I complain, and get a member of staff to clean it. There and then. Same on aeroplanes- I ask stewards to clean it before I use it if I walk in on piss - which is sadly for the stewards often the case. And I used to fly very often. I will not clean a toilet after someone else in those circumstances. Those businesses have chosen singlesexed approach to make room for profit seats, then they can do the cleaning

if I were to find piss on my own bathroom floor or the loo at home, or skid marks I would drag the offending male by his ear into the bathroom and tell him to clean up his own mess with various expletives . Or if it’s not a loved one loose my own shit with him.

In a large public toilet there aren’t people who manage the loos available to complain to immediately and I’m therefore the one who has to clean up some random man’s piss or shit before I can use the toilet. I also have to put up with the stench of random man’s hormone laden piss.

urinals were invented over 150 years ago, to meet men’s needs of quicker piss, and better aiming. Standard Toilets were always a crap idea ( pun intended) for men to stand and piss into. I spent years training my own boys, but my eldest is now 6 foot 6 inches, just how the hell is he supposed to accurately aim into something around 3.5 foot down ( sti mate as I haven’t measured 😳🤣) even when he knows he has a mum that’ll go ballistic if he doesn’t clean up after himself . Whoever now thinks men in 21st century can do a better job at aiming than in 1866 needs their heads examining.

frankly I’d put single sexed d urinals in my own home given a chance ! I’ve done enough bloody cleaning up after boys and men in my life..and with intersatial cystitis my bladder often struggles to hang on long enough to clean up after some random blokes piss .

and that’s leaving aside the whole safety , menstrual and miscarriage milarky

Pluvia · 29/12/2024 00:49

And before anyone says ‘but you can tell by looking’, there have been several horrific reports of short haired/butch-presenting women being berated in loos for exactly this reason, and that’s not ok either.

Short-haired, butch lesbian speaking: please don't give us this old crap again. I have occasionally heard of a woman (usually a lesbian because some of us really don't fit traditional female stereotypes) being accosted by other women for being in the wrong loos because of hair or clothing. My lesbian friend Alex, 6'1" tall and with short hair and Levi 501s, has had it happen a couple of times. And she turns round to whoever is accusing her of being a man and smiles and in her woman's voice she says 'It's an easy mistake to make' and everyone laughs, because as soon as they engage with her it's quite clear she's a woman. It's fine by Alex. She'd rather women accosted men in loos and told them to go elsewhere than that they put up with men with fetishes in the Ladies. Stop using lesbians as an excuse to let men into women's single-sex facilities.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 29/12/2024 00:49

Ugh there was a unisex bathroom in France when we were skiing. Usually I'd have been quite happy sending DD on her own but this one was really intimidating.

There were loads of guys peeing with the door open, even one with his arse on show.

The toilets were absolutely covered in piss, I had to clean it up before helping DD onto the stupidly high toilet.

No. It didn't work for us. At all.

Nameynameynamename · 29/12/2024 00:50

The handful of men's toilets I have been in have been absolutely foul. The only places I go to regularly that have unisex toilets are chain coffee shops and their toilets also tend to be gross. The toilets on trains are completely unusable. Etc.

I'm not particularly worried about being assaulted but I'm also not comfortable using the toilet potentially less than a meter away from some random man. Obviously "not all men are like that" but enough of them definitely are.

FlirtsWithRhinos · 29/12/2024 00:51

HeWhoMustNotBeNamed · 29/12/2024 00:40

Having just come back from a french skiing holiday where the majority of loos were unisex (I imagine because space and water is at a premium on the mountain!), it wouldn't bother me in principle. However the french loos are much more open plan in general so it would be harder to assault someone.

Bleugh, I hate the unisex loos in French resorts! They have got slightly better but I still end up pulling my neck warmer over my nose half the time!

It's quite traditional for French loos to be unisex, but then again it's also quite traditional for the French to treat women as, if not second class citizens, then certainly second thought citizens.

NotThisYearThx · 29/12/2024 00:51

Sux2buthen · 28/12/2024 22:04

Only you know your opinion.
If the doors go to the floor and ceiling all good

I hear this regularly. There’s a reason they’re referred to as a rapists dream.

Crinkle77 · 29/12/2024 01:00

I like the ones at my work at a university and are used by staff, students and public. They are completely enclosed like accessible toilets and contain toilet, sink, sanitary bin and hand dryer so very private. They are directly off the ground floor lobby area and separated by a glass door so can be seen from outside so feel very safe. They are cleaned regularly throughout the day so are rarely dirty.

Jewel1968 · 29/12/2024 01:05

I used unisex changing in swimming pool. There are cubicles that lock and people tend to wander around in costumes or towels but occasionally I see a man walking around naked - Cos he didn't realise. Funny, I never see a woman walking around naked.

I used unisex cubicles in my office. They are awful but not because men use them. They are terribly designed and probably a little dirtier than normal.

I do think unisex would be better if male and female hadn't been separated and then thrown together years later I think in Scandinavian countries there is no segregation and so behaviour doesn't change. We separate boys and girls very young in UK. I wonder if we didn't would behaviour be different .

As it is now in this culture I would prefer single sex. If change is to happen it should be gradually

JHound · 29/12/2024 01:11

Chumssss · 28/12/2024 21:58

Discussion with my DH tonight about this. Am I right in thinking that unisex bathrooms are not great?

I have been to many a venue with unisex bathrooms and they don’t bother me.

But then I have regularly gone into men’s bathrooms when the ladies line is too long.

It does depend what is meant by unisex though. Most unisex bathrooms I have seen either have completely stand alone toilet and sink combos or the toilets are sex segregated and the sinks are shared.

Pluvia · 29/12/2024 01:11

I've travelled in Finland, Sweden and Norway in the last 10 years and have rarely encountered mixed-sex toilets. I've been to saunas that have separate male and female changing rooms. So not sure your idea that things have always been mixed in Scandinavia is accurate.

Pluvia · 29/12/2024 01:15

or the toilets are sex segregated and the sinks are shared.

And isn't it lovely when you're having a really heavy period and your hands are stained with blood after sorting out your sanpro, to have to stand and wash off the gore at the basin next to your male boss? I bet the boss would be mortified too.

Sometimes women just need their own space to do the kind of things only women need to do. And why other women don't understand that is beyond me.

Zanatdy · 29/12/2024 01:16

we have them in work in our new office. They aren’t popular and i’d imagine triggering for some

JHound · 29/12/2024 01:19

Pluvia · 29/12/2024 01:15

or the toilets are sex segregated and the sinks are shared.

And isn't it lovely when you're having a really heavy period and your hands are stained with blood after sorting out your sanpro, to have to stand and wash off the gore at the basin next to your male boss? I bet the boss would be mortified too.

Sometimes women just need their own space to do the kind of things only women need to do. And why other women don't understand that is beyond me.

Why would my hands be stained with blood?

Why would I exit the cubicle with opening and touching the door and turning on the tap with blood stained hands?

That seems really odd to me and if I was to do that it would not matter one jot to me if it was my male or female boss next to me. I would find both equally as embarrassing.
And really disgusting if a woman was stood next to me rinsing “blood and gore” off her hands in the sink.

Sapphire29 · 29/12/2024 01:20

Do we really want our teenage daughters in a public toilet, alone with another man/men?
I say teenage cos anyone younger is likely to have a parent with them.

Not all men are a danger. But some are -and for me it's not a risk worth taking. Everyone has a phone with them these days too.

Plus some men are grim. Even my husband comments on how vile mens toilets are. He walked into a public toilet a few months ago and someone had just crapped on the floor. Hadn't even attempted to get their butt over the seat.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2024 01:21

JHound · 29/12/2024 01:19

Why would my hands be stained with blood?

Why would I exit the cubicle with opening and touching the door and turning on the tap with blood stained hands?

That seems really odd to me and if I was to do that it would not matter one jot to me if it was my male or female boss next to me. I would find both equally as embarrassing.
And really disgusting if a woman was stood next to me rinsing “blood and gore” off her hands in the sink.

Edited

It’s not hard to deduce. Some women have really heavy periods. Some women have miscarriages in loos. Upthread someone said the majority of miscarriages are in public loos.

EasyComfortDishes · 29/12/2024 01:22

I don’t mind them, other than the blokes in there.

FlirtsWithRhinos · 29/12/2024 01:23

The time I sneezed holding an overfull mooncup was ... memorable.

It took me quite a long time to clean up the blood I had showered all over the cubicle floor.

I'm glad it was a single-sex floor so I wasn't cleaning up unknown men's pee-splats as well as my own blood.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting I'd eat my lunch off a floor in the women's or anything, but it was marginally less grim than it would have been if it was unisex.

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 29/12/2024 01:29

How about because we said No.

We've given reasons until we’re blue in the face. As we say in MN, No is a complete sentence.

Keeptoiletssafe · 29/12/2024 01:31

Crinkle77 · 29/12/2024 01:00

I like the ones at my work at a university and are used by staff, students and public. They are completely enclosed like accessible toilets and contain toilet, sink, sanitary bin and hand dryer so very private. They are directly off the ground floor lobby area and separated by a glass door so can be seen from outside so feel very safe. They are cleaned regularly throughout the day so are rarely dirty.

Edited

They may feel safe but statistically they are not. See my post at 23.33