Ick of Christmas present from Dp

[DivaORJustified]

Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.
Was really happy with the earrings he brought be, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose. On Boxing Day when we had his dc under 10, one of his daughters presents was exact same pair of earrings in gold instead of rose gold. Am I right to feel upset about it as it doesn’t feel like a romantic or thoughtful gift anymore. Happy for opinions no matter how harsh. Thank you

YABU for using the term 'ick', as an adult.

I think these replies are over-emphasising the fact that the second pair was for his DD. The step-parent dynamic is clouding the issue.
Imagine that the second pair was for his mother or his sister - do you think the OP would still have no grounds for complaint?

I would hate to get a "bulk-buy" present.

My DH gets exactly the same present each Christmas for his two sisters, despite them being very different people. It's like his brain is not capable of thinking of them as individuals and getting them appropriate different presents. He just sees something suitable for "middle aged sister" and gets two!

YANBU : batch buying the same gift, particularly when it's jewellery, for the "women in his life" is unimaginitive and insensitive to you. He might have liked the earrings - wonderful for him - but not great for you. I'd just not wear them unless they'd work for a fancy dress party or similar. What an utter doofus he is.

Maybe next year you'll get a periscope OP

@KarlaKK thanks and yes! A sorry I didn’t realise would have gone a long way from him.
i will prob get flamed again but he’s five years younger than me. My kids are at uni and I actually love younger children tbh because I miss doing those things with my dc. We take them abroad with us too and I am the main care giver when it comes to getting ready for beach, washing dds hair and getting them ready for the evening.

I agree . It takes the ' shine ' off the gift when he gives the same to someone else . It doesn't feel like they've been specially chosen for that person more of a job lot .

I agree with you but it isn’t easy to verbalise. Nothing to do with jealousy but I would not expect to like the same earrings as a child under ten. If he had given them to you with an explanation such as wanting you both to have the same to mark a connection or because he thought she would admire your taste then the context would maybe have been different and you would have felt differently.
Maybe try to reframe it for yourself and see it as a link, get a picture of the two of you wearing them.

I don't see what was not special about it. He chose them for you. The fact that he also chose them for his daughter is neither here nor there.

There is nothing about which you need to feel upset. You come across as rather spoilt and immature. Get real please.

A father also gives his daughter something special, not a t shirt or gift voucher.

I don't get the urge to slag you off and call you names like some are OP but I do think you're looking at it entirely wrong. He's seen something that he has considered to be beautiful, he has bought this beautiful item for the two people he considers to be beautiful, slightly different but the same design. That's a lovely thing. He hasn't been lazy with his thought process and if something is a nice gift then it's a nice gift for all the people he loves. Now, you either like the earrings he gave you or you don't. But if you loved them before you realised he got his daughter a similar pair then you're being silly. And, slightly competitive (probably not meaning to be) with a child. He thinks you're being ungrateful and I can see why.

You're coming across as petulant and ungrateful. And childish.

Flip side - the daughter might feel a bit flat as her dad got her the sane present as he got his girlfriend. Presumably, he spent more on DD than you.

Yes! And for using the term “partner” for someone she clearly feels she is superior to.

It sounds like you put a lot into the relationship Diva and do so graciously and generously so I don't think it strange that you want to be made to feel special or cared for. I wouldn't say anything else to him and let him come to you with an apology and see if he comes up with the idea of the two of you going off for the afternoon and exchanging the present and choosing something together. Although, with the present being earrings, it is likely they can't be exchanged unless still in some kind of seal.

If it turns into another argument tell him what he should have done. I don't think your reaction is unreasonable although some do. But even if it is we all feel like that sometimes and just need a bit of reassurance that we're special. My ex never made me feel in the least bit special. I wasted so much time on him. I know I'm now very sensitive to these types of situations / 'slights' so would have reacted the same as you.

Yes. Agreed.

@eatreadsleeprepeat yes so hard to verbalise this.
@BitterTits I have no issue with him getting his dd same brand just a different fucking style! Said it so many times! you seem intent that I am jealous of his dd. This was not his DCs main present by the way, she got some large age appropriate gifts normal and understandable for her age. I don’t need his money, I earn more and live in my house as it’s bigger. I made a room for his dc and got them what ever they need to feel at home here.

If I didn’t want his dc, I wouldn’t be with him as they are part of him! It’s something that I accepted from the go.

The earrings will always be tainted now in the OP's mind. There's no point in anyone trying to get her to put all of this to one side and start liking them and forgetting her feelings. The only way is if the partner takes the earrings off her and gives them to someone else - his mother maybe (although that might open a can of worms if the DD knows they are the OP's) and buy her something new. That is the only way the situation can be fixed and everyone can move on. Otherwise the wound will always be there. The problem is the partner might not be able to work out the solution.

OP the way you differentiate between the relationship between a child and relationship with a romantic partner….isn't through a pair of earrings!!!!!

Im alarmed that you need there to be a marked difference in this aspect, surely your relationship is what designates the perimeters, not a piece of jewellery.

This is bordering absolute bonkers territory

Maybe he told his dd what he was getting you and showed her a picture, or she saw them when he was wrapping them up. She maybe fell in love with them and asked for some too.

Thinking about it make sure he doesn't give them to his mother otherwise you'll have a reminder every time you see her wear them lol.

Somehow I think you would find something to complain about if it were the same brand though…..it would be: ‘he never put any thought into it, sees my needs as the same as his daughters’

Different gift but same argument. Because that’s what you’re looking for. An argument

I do understand why the OP feels like the gift is less special.

I strongly suspect her DP found some nice earrings, realise he'd peaked in terms of gift finding, and then decided to buy another pair rather than buy an ugly second pair.

At least he found a nice pair and bought a second pair as opposed to two of the same ugly pair? Small consolation?

@DivaORJustified I don't think he's done anything wrong, but I also don't think you're in the wrong for feeling the way you do. The shine might be off, but they are still a nice gift. I'd try to focus on the nice gift part.

My husband bought my daughter and I the same dress and the mini me version. Should I object? Or should I appreciate I have a husband that knew that my daughter would love wearing the same dress as her mummy and it was a little memory for us?

Yeah right. If he'd done that she'd probably be complaining he spent so much more on his daughter.

I think a lot of people on here are giving OP a hard time! I see why she’s disappointed. For Christmas she wanted her partner to make an effort and make her feel special with a thoughtful gift that was meant just for her because he thought of only her when he bought it. It’s not about the daughter it’s the lack of romantic gesture behind the gift! OP wants reassurance but DP is disregarding her feelings. I get it OP. I would feel the same.