Ick of Christmas present from Dp

[DivaORJustified]

Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.
Was really happy with the earrings he brought be, they were under stated but very elegant, exactly what I would chose. On Boxing Day when we had his dc under 10, one of his daughters presents was exact same pair of earrings in gold instead of rose gold. Am I right to feel upset about it as it doesn’t feel like a romantic or thoughtful gift anymore. Happy for opinions no matter how harsh. Thank you

Christmas is ruined because of two pairs of earrings? Jesus. I wish you could hear how absolutely ridiculous you sound.

Okay to start, let’s not catastrophise things. Christmas wasn’t ruined. Nor will it be next year. This is why you need to change your perspective because it isn’t reasonable right now.

Yeah your partner can upset you (not on purpose) but we are all saying it isn’t worth being upset about.

Yeah change your perspective or husband - I’m sure all of your family would completely understand your reasoning.

A partnership has two people in it - not just you. He very reasonably told you why he bought the earring for you and his daughter.

You again continue to want to argue (as above) and we majority wise don’t agree with you. Again you make the same point (over and over again ad nauseum) thinking it will change our minds. It won’t. You are being unreasonable.

You actually sound like a petulant child. I’m sure his daughter didn’t care she got the same earrings as you and you are meant to be the adult. He thinks as much of you as his daughter. He bought both his ladies a beautiful pair of earrings each. That is special.

But you want to be MORE special. It’s actually quire sad that you had a tantrum
over something lovely that he did.

“Usually Dp give each other a wish list of specific items or vague items like earrings so the other can choose.”

I think you may have answered your own question OP. Vague items are not a romantic sentiment in my opinion. If it is a specific set of earrings then I would say that’s different as you have your heart set on them and he went out of his way specifically to get them for you, and no one else, child or not.
If he got the same pair that you specifically asked for, for the child, then yes I would agree that it takes away the romantic sentiment in the first instance.

But a mere vague gift? I would say it’s a sweet gesture that he got them for you and DC and you now have matching earrings which I feel is rather lovely.

YABU

What’s your relationship like, generally, OP?

This has got to be a joke thread surely.

Or maybe it’s a reverse and it’s actually the DD who wrote it.

I don’t believe a grown adult would be this petulant.

if I didn’t say anything he wouldn’t know and probably ruin next Xmas as well! Should I change my perspective to it’s ok for me to be treated in a way I don’t appreciate?

He didn't ruin Christmas. Your reaction did that. By your own admission, you were really happy with the present, until some time later you discovered that he had done what he, and the majority of people here, think was a nice thing. You could say he had ruined Christmas if he had been malicious or neglectful. But instead he failed a test he couldn't possibly known he was being set, where you had never told him what the right answer was, and which 70% of people here would fail!

Obviously OP you have learned absolutely nothing from the vast majority of posters.

Unless there is something you are not making people here aware of all I can say is good luck. You are going to need it when this man sees the error of your ways. Keep your LIST for those who can accommodate it to your liking

OP I think you’re right to feel disappointed and put out by it. I’m the least high maintenance person around but can still totally get where you’re coming from. Opening a present from a romantic partner and seeing its jewellery and then seeing a nine year old get the same actual present by the same giver would take the shine off for me. I wouldn't do it myself.

This happens - we've had this in a thread before. Same situation.

"Ruin Xmas..."
Oh come on. Is all of this actually serious?! 😂

Absolutely ridiculous. The man probably loved the fact he was sharing the gift to his daugher with the new woman in her life & vice versa. The whole opinion is bordering on cruel.

Some men are just not great at gift choosing. I buy my own gifts from my fiance then leave them at his to prent on christmas/ my birthday. He's out of work due to MH and only gets £390 a month though, so he can't afford to buy me gifts as naturally, his son takes top spot.

If you're making a big deal about what he brought you off list so it matters if and what you brought him off list

I used a common term to illustrate disdain.

However, he utilised a multi purchase to get a discount. He’s cheap. And he’s lazy.

Another point of order: the earrings were the OP’s main present, and simply another little present for the daughter among a pile of other gifts, including bigger ticket items. It is not thoughtful and I too would be upset if I was the OP.

Using a discount doesn't make someone cheap

I, and I’m sure lots of people, would love to swap places with you @DivaORJustified .

When I think of the times my Christmases have been ruined, it’s been due to DV, life threatening illness, poverty or mental health issues. Not once has it ever been ruined because I was given a gift that wasn’t unique to me, to prove how special I am.
I can only hope I reach a place of such stability that I have to look for drama and validation over something so completely inconsequential.

@Over40Overdating i will retract Christmas being ruined as I’ve also had far worse with ex H and family incidents when I was young.
It still upset me though and I just had to carry on and act happy with I clearly wasn’t. I think some posters get where I am coming from
and it left me feeling under valued and feeling crappy. I appreciate romantic gestures too and this one is we clearly not what I thought it was so I feel stupid in that respect to get excited about a gift that never was.

@DivaORJustified

DivaORJustified
"pissed off he couldn’t buy one special thing for me to show is appreciation for all I do for him in the year. Money isn’t the issue, it’s the laziness! I wouldn’t have given 2 hoots if he got dd the same brand but a different pair.
And yes also there is recurring theme this year that I have to explain basic things that should come natural to dp for me and the way he is in our relationship. So whether justified or not I feel shit as he’s called me ungrateful and selfish."

DivaORJustified · Today 16:22
"he's not going to do any of that to make it up to me as he isn’t understanding how I feel. And yes they feel tainted and I feel stupid for being so happy about the on Christmas Day. I do work hard all year to keep the family going."

Sorry OP, but I've really been struggling to understand your PoV, but I think your two posts above reveal that your upset isn't really about the earrings at all - well, only tangentially. It seems like you feel under-appreciated all year round and you were hoping for a "special" or "unique" Christmas gift to show you he does really care and appreciate you to make up for this, but could it? Really? And of course he doesn't understand. All he knows is he bought you a pair of earrings you loved on Christmas day and now you don't. Shouldn't you just sit him down and tell him this isn't really about one day when he didn't do the right thing, but the other 364?
Incidentally, I simply don't get the "jealousy" angle coming from other posters - it's clear from everything you've done (and continue to do) with his DD, that this is nonsense.
And as for the person who called you trash, it's absolutely disgusting to call a total stranger on the internet that, and it says everything about the person who wrote it and nothing about you. (And I hope MNHQ has now deleted it )

Why did you ask on AIBU if you weren't prepared to take YABU for an answer?

Whether he picked the same for his DD or not, he chose these for you and you were perfectly happy with them until you saw his DD had the same. There’s no mention of whether he’s a good partner but if he is, this should be quite a trivial thing in the scheme of things. To throw it back at him and ruin Christmas, screams as ungrateful. It wasn’t the only thing you had to open either. Lots of women don’t get presents as they can’t afford them, but they appreciate having a good partner 365 days a year and that is worth more than any gift. If your partner fits this bill and went out to buy you things that he thought you’d like and you did actually like before seeing his DD with a copy, you’ve done pretty well. I mean this kindly but some people never find a good partner or they end up with an illness and a relationship can be short-lived. If he’s a good man, is it worth all this drama? Christmas and a good relationship is about far more than gifts.

Agreed. Not using an available discount is plain daft.

Things are generally fine, we’ve been through ups and downs this year and had to cancel or child free holiday because of a family emergency on my side. He does appreciate what I do but I’ve told him a few times that I think things are lacking in our relationship. If I continue to feel this way I will be sure to end it. Not because of a present but because of an ongoing feeling I have. He still owns his own place so he will need to move out if this happens. I will have no reason to stay in UK while my dc are in uni and I will work abroad at different Hq at the company I work for and come home when they are back or if they need me. It will help me get over things. It may not work out like that but that’s the contingency plan. We had our child free holiday rebooked so going away may help. Day to day he’s good around the house and would do the normal dropping off and collections ect for my dc, he’s affectionate and generally easy going.

OP, actions not words count.
You have niggles and you don't feel appreciated by him.
You are obviously of value to him for all that you give and do, but you deserve to be value for more than a convenience for him and his children.

Don't waste years on someone like that.
You deserve better than him.
He is the one that is ungrateful.