To be mad my folks gatecrashed xmas?

[merrychristonabike]

Me DH and our kids went to a hotel for xmas - a tradition we adopted to escape the 'where will you be at xmas?' from mum and dad every year. We've invited them and my in-laws before, but it wasn't fun as my parents were clearly put out they were sharing the time with in-laws.
On arrival on xmas eve, my parents were there to 'surprise' us and we were furious. My husband later asked them why they were there and my dad flipped, telling my husband he'd always had his suspicions about him and generally being a dick. Dad didn't wish DH merry Christmas, ignored him at dinner and left without saying goodbye to either of us,
It ruined the 3 night stay. They didn't bring the kids' gifts - I think so we will still have to go see them and I just can't face it. There's a bit of back story to their behaviour, but it's too long for here other than them being overbearing and intense. And I also just want to know AIBU? And what's your advice yo navigate this?

Her parents are rude, not OP. They are rude to her DH and his parents and who turns up to a meal at a hotel without an invitation? They are the ones who should be apologising.

you are all rude!
you, your dh, your df and your dm

what an awkward shambles

To be honest, it just sounds like the Op is the emotionally immature one in this family. She’s happy to see her parents every week, likely uses them for childcare, but sneaks away at Christmas and is ‘furious’ when they turn up - in a public hotel accessible to anyone - like any random stranger can. What a way to show how to behave to her children.

a tradition we adopted to escape the 'where will you be at xmas?' from mum and dad every year.

normal families do meet up for christmas but you havent gone into this

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2 so if you have invited parents to your house before for Christmas, that gives them the right to turn up every Christmas whether you have invited them or not?

did the hotel put you all together?

who else would the parents spend christmas with?

I think it’s rude to turn up as a surprise that people aren’t expecting. I also think you and your DH were rude, you should have sucked it up for that day and addressed it afterwards.

Are people genuinely this clueless?

@WillowTit themselves?

It wasn't just a meal on Christmas eve. They booked to stay for the whole duration we were there.

but why did the hotel put you all together?

and you think that is ok?

@Examconfusion they didn’t just turn up for the day.

@merrychristonabike why didn’t your parents bring presents with them?

i agree

This is confusing, you go to a different ‘secret’ location every year, but you’ve been to the same hotel the last 4 years and invited them before?

Sounds like now is the time to sit down with your dh and decide what kind of relationship you want with your parents going forward, and when and how you want to see them.

As for keeping the peace for your mother, that's her problem, it's not your fight and by enabling their behaviour it only makes your Dads behaviour worse.

It’s socially unacceptable to just turn up and join people without an invitation, I’m surprised some posters don’t understand that.

YANBU OP, if they wanted to come they should have asked, at which point you could respond with your wishes. No one can stop them coming to the same hotel but that doesn’t mean they get to interrupt your time there and it’s still rude of them to come just to join you without asking.

They don’t sound like people who will understand without having to say anything, it sounds like they need it spelt out.

Nothing secret about it. We have gone to the same hotel 4 Christmasses in a row. The second time we thought it'd be lovely to invite my M&D and the ILs. But my parents were rude, ungracious, made the 4 days awkward when we were all together. That's why I didn't invite them this year.
I also made it clear to them before Christmas that we just wanted to spend Christmas as a a family of 4 - but that's not acceptable to M&D, which is why we starred going away in the first place.
In years gone by our kids could barely open santa gifts for my parents foisting their gifts on them.

next time go on a cruise
or a private barge

I think it's really shit you let your DH be the fall guy, they're your parents and you've made this so much worse by allowing him to feel like he has to step in.

I would be really cross if any set of parents surprised us when there is history in this way. But no way would I let DP be the one to deal with it. I can't believe you let them see the DC weekly if they are like this? Of course they and your DC probably want to see each other at Xmas, it would be weird not to and there needs to be an adult conversation about alternative plans and why that's the case. I'm not saying they should, but I get the impression you don't say anything and just avoid them, and it's only when forced to confront the situation things like this happen. Otherwise you're quite happy for them to look after your DC. And if I was worried about a parent's behaviour toward the other, another reason my DC wouldn't be spending loads of time around them without me there...

In years gone by our kids could barely open santa gifts for my parents foisting their gifts on them.

generous then?

Why should the op just have put a smile on her face and been happy? Saying she behaved awfully? Just because they are her parents shouldn’t mean she has to like them. And so what if her dh spoke out? He’d probably had enough and he’s an adult. He can say what he wants

Why is everyone assuming I use my parents for childcare? I don't.

@WillowTit we have one DC. We assume there maybe quite a few Christmases where they won’t come home for Christmas (once they have left home). In fact they worked Christmas Day this year as works in hospitality. Had other relatives staying so we weren’t alone, but they are elderly so won’t be around for ever.