WIBU for cutting MIL out of our lives for comments she made about my 13 year old?

[DefinitelyNotAStepfordWife]

I'll start by stating that I can't stand the woman. I barely tolerated her for my partner and kid's sake before this and already wanted rid of her. There's no hiding that. Pretty sure she hates me too but I really don't care at this point.
On to my question: MIL came to stay over Christmas and asked lots of questions about 13 year old's bf. General stuff, what area does he live, does he treat her nicely, how old is he, stuff like that. Then started asking about if they've done anything yet, even so far as asking if she needs a pregnancy test. She's 13! I know kid's start earlier and earlier, I'm not ignorant, my sister got pregnant at 15 so I know this happens, but come on! She's 13! She blushes when talking about holding her bf's hand and he's only just turned 14 and is in a few of her lessons. It's innocent and cute.
A few comments were made by my partner and his brother about potentially scaring him off but this was said just to tease her a bit and my daughter just laughed and told them to shut up. My MIL then felt comfortable enough to tell my 13 year old that she needs to be careful how much of her new make up she puts on so she doesn't look like a prostitute or make her bf think she's "giving it away". I told MIL multiple times to stop sexualising my daughter but was repeatedly ignored.
Another time, Christmas day, me, my partner and MIL were talking about how the kids were getting tired and need a rest as they were all getting a bit worked up. This was after 13 year old and 10 year old got into an argument. I said how 13 year old shows her temper more when tired and how she was having a rough time at the moment, fall outs with friends, falling behind with homework, pressure of choosing her GCSEs ect, and MIL said "no, she's just a teenager, and all teenage girls are just b*tches". I couldn't believe it! Doesn't help that my partner won't say a word against her, even in defense of the kids.
This is after years of attention seeking from MIL and a lot of nasty comments towards me but this really is the last straw. So AIBU if I tell my partner I want her nowhere near our kids?

They don't. The activities stop 13 year olds having time for boyfriends. At 13 the only boy I'd have kissed was my pony.

it just wasn’t on her radar as she was busy with school & extracurricular activities
@noworklifebalance i don’t understand this. For a young tesen, a boyfriend is just a special case of friendship. Do your children not have friends on their radar because of school and hobbies? How odd if so.

Some of these comments are insane.

My kid in YR3 has a "girlfriend". They sre besotted with each other and write each other little notes and talk about getting married when they are grown ups, most likely copying what they have read in books or seen in Disney films. He made her a lego rose. She makes him little models of of air drying clay. They sit together at lunch and have playdates. They danced together at the school disco. Neither of them even knows what sex is.

The assumption that there is something wrong with this and we should stop them doing it, even if they were 13, and that the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" where kids or young teenagers are involved implies they are having a sexual relationship is ridiculous. Obviously with teens you'd need to be aware of risks of things going too far and ensure appropriate supervision and conversations with them about it but generally it's harmless and some of the comments here are just bizarre. Is the idea that teens should be forbidden any contact with the opposite sex until 18? And then, what? An arranged marriage or something?!

II was very busy. School, music activities every lunch time and after school, and all Saturday morn8ng. Riding on a Saturday afternoon. Still somehow managed to have romantic feelings and hold hands/kiss a bit with a boy and go to the pictures/school disco with him. What an odd perspective you have in human emotion.

Is she similarly horrible to your other two children or is this reserved for your dd? I was also wondering if it's because she sees her differently in some way?

I would definitely have issues with this and I wouldn't be behind the door and telling her directly but not in front of dd that the next time she called my child a bitch would be the last time she was hosted in my house.

I'd tell her nothing going forwards about the kids or you or dh private lives you are all now the most boring mundane people she's ever met because she's lost the right to know things. I understand that it's not easy to cut a parent off, especially if you've had a lifetime of letting it wash over you as your dh has but he should be calling her out on your children's behalf- that is his job as a parent. I think I would have challenged her very clearly on all her little comments in front of your dd. Every single time she makes a catty remark I'd ask her Mildred, could you explain to me why you think it's appropriate to ask a 13 year old if she needs a pregnancy test? Could you explain to me exactly what you mean by telling my child that makeup will make her look like a prostitute? What makeup does a sex worker look like? Do you see many of them? Make her look stupid with logic in a calm and polite way then follow up with your dd after and explain that adults are not always right and your mil holds views that aren't shared by the rest of her family and if she's uncomfortable she has your support to say so out loud in front of mil or anyone else and you'll deal with it.

For those suggesting a 13 yo can't have a bf - what?!?! I had a bf at 13. We held hands and walked around school together. My 14 yo niece has a bf she's never kissed. It's developmentally normal to have an interest in relationships at that age, teaching them consent and respect and how to enforce boundaries is all part of that learning experience. On what planet do people equate that with something overly sexualised?

Plenty of friends (male & female but tended to gravitate more to having friends of the same sex) but busy doing clubs not to care about having boyfriends, girlfriends, social media, make up etc

And a teacher, you had no safeguarding concerns at all about Y7’s having sexual relationships with each other? 😳 How was your OFSTED?

Why did you respond like this to a poster's comment that said nothing about there being a sexual relationship?!

Have people been drinking too much to read properly?

My six-year-old has insisted for the last year that she and one of her little friends who’s a boy are going to get married when they grow up. She actually told me, “Johnny and I are in love and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.” 😂 I think she got that line from some movie someplace…

After asking a few questions, I discovered that ‘Johnny’ does not actually know that they are in love and getting married.😂😂😂

Social media didn’t exist when I was 13. Human emotion did though.

Cut her off and save yourself the grief of having her around.

I had a horrible, mean spirited, vile MIL who made my life hell. She liked my DD but the comments I’ve heard her make about her other granddaughters… yikes. She said one of them (13 as well!) was “nothing more than a common prostitute” because the poor girl ran away once.

I was going to say maybe we should go to past practice and keep girls in nunneries before their “coming out’ season. geez louise.

I had a boy kiss me on the cheek when I was 12. I still remember that kiss and him with great fondness. It’s nice.

Erm ok 👍

Just to reassure everyone, I've had the conversation about consent, pressure, contraception, not giving consent to unprotected sex and STIs. She's also had talks about it all in school so I'm confident that she knows everything she needs to at this point.
The main concern is the comments made by my MIL, not the fact that my daughter says she has a bf. That's besides the point. And it's not just these comments, my MIL is just a vile person. While her late partner was in the late stages of cancer she told me about when she told him to shut the fuck up because he was annoying her by complaining about his pain. She wanted me to be sympathetic to her. That's how vile she is. And I have 3 daughters who all need protecting from her. She also called my 10 year old, who has a lot of autistic traits, a sp*z. She's absolutely disgusting. What would others do in this situation? I know my partner is still too far under her thumb to see it all clearly so I'm in for a fight with this topic.

She sounds like a peach. Seems like you have your daughters’ back - you don’t need to appease her

Op, look at the technique of grey rock. Employing it successfully will lower your blood pressure and take the wind out of your MIL”s sails. She’s looking for a reaction. Don’t give it to her.

You were massively unreasonable to share anything private about your daughter with a woman you openly hate, says the first thing that comes out of her mouth and generally likes to cause mischief

No doubt that will come back to bite you when she says “oh granddaughter I have heard from your mother that you have fallen out with your friends and been a bit moody”. How on earth will your DD feel knowing you have been talking about her with her gran who it sounds like everyone knows she is a pain in the arse

Of course they do, when I was a teen (40 years ago) a girl in my class was pregnant at 14-15. It happens, but usually parents would try to prevent this by not encouraging having "boyfriends" when you are literally a child yourself and putting boundaries and rules in place.

With regards to your MIL Op - I think you dont like her anyway, might as well stop talking to her. She was a bit rude but I guess she is from a different generation so the kind of stull she came up with was pretty normal in her days.

I was going to say maybe we should go to past practice and keep girls in nunneries before their “coming out’ season. geez louise.

Madness, isn't it!

I had a boy kiss me on the cheek when I was 12. I still remember that kiss and him with great fondness. It’s nice.

Awww that is cute.

My other child decided who she was going to marry aged 4 when still at nursery. He told his mum that they're going to get married and have 6 children. My daughter told me I need to extend the house so they can all live here with me. 🤣 Their "dates" mainly involve racing around a playground.

She sounds actively dangerous to your children’s mental and emotional wellbeing. I wouldn’t be around her, and I wouldn’t allow
her anywhere near my children.

The OP is going to have egg on her face if she does fall pregnant!

It may well be normal in your circle, but as a PP has suggested, this is possibly down to semantics and what you define as a ‘boyfriend’.

I was privately educated in the 80’s and boyfriends at 13/14 were not the norm. 15yr old DS and 13yr old DD are also both at private school, and whilst DS Y11 group are starting to get boyfriends/girlfriends, I can assure you, it’s categorically not the norm in Y8 for DD’s year, and all of the Y8 parents would be concerned if they thought they were getting into ‘relationships’ as would the teaching staff.

I'm shocked after the comment about your ten year old she had the opportunity to say anything about your 13 year old. There is no way if your partner is a decent man he'd be allowing his mother to use vile slurs like that and still be welcome in your home. Unfortunately the bar for your MiL had been set very low. If she can use that disgusting name for a child, then what she said about your older DD is mild by comparison. I don't know what your partner is thinking.

MN is fucking cloud cuckoo land sometimes 😂

"Boyfriend" at that age is not synonymous with "sexual partner." Obviously.

I’m sorry you can’t judge nothing by a comment like that because let’s face it teenage girls can be bitchy and can be really moody

Oh dear! 🤣