No idea why people put up with this shit. Years ago, I hosted for my family and they were all told beforehand what they were expected to contribute. DF was on veg and spud prep, I was cooking, DSIS setting the table, DM clearing up the table after and taking stuff in the kitchen for ex-DH to wash. Myself and DSIS drying pots and putting away. In between, we were all looking after the 2 children (my DS and Nephew).
My DM had been a bit of a nightmare for a while and when she arrived, she point blank told me that she was not helping with anything and I couldn’t make her. I just calmly told her that if she wasn’t going to chip in and work with everyone else to make it a nice day and share the load, then she could go home, as I wasn’t cooking for her. She basically told me to piss off and that she wasn’t helping. I pointed to the door and told her to leave.
When I was dishing up, my DF asked me to do her a plateful of food that he could take home for her! My response - I’m not rewarding that shitty behaviour - she can sort herself out.
I really don’t know why people put up with this type of crap. If you want help or assistance, make it clear up front. If you are hosting a big group, then be very clear what you expect. It doesn’t have to be done in a rude way, but if people know what your expectations are, then that is half the battle. Stick to your boundaries and don’t let people take the piss.
It’s the same every year on here - families, In-laws and husbands all taking the piss and women just putting up with it. It will be the same people moaning again next year.