DH is a Freemason and it makes me cringe

[YerJokin]

He takes it so seriously. He's always gone through hobby phases but he's done this for years now and takes it very seriously. He's currently on the phone discussing 'Bretheryn' and it gives me the major ick, I actually want to cry listening to it.

I've tried to stand by him as he takes it so seriously so i attend events and smile encouragingly but I can't bear it. Never knew when I married him that he wanted to do this. It's not the worst thing he could do of course but it's an old boys club and we're only in our 30s!

He has lots of friends and other hobbies so it's not even his only social outlet, no idea why he needs this in his life and treats it like a second job.

Quite.

Astonishing how much disinformation has been spouted here.

And there are women freemasons.

I wonder if the same scorn would be poured on organisations like Ladies Circle which also get together, have events and raise money for charity. Or is that ok because they are women?

My ex was too. Just confirmed to me he is a twat.

Little white gloves. Leather aprons learning ridiculous passages off by heart.

Christ. Really?

Well, like you rightly put, it is not the worst thing he could be doing. It is not evil in nature. You are entitled to your views and if your don't enjoying attending the sessions you could simply not go. But as long as he is fulfilling his fair share of housework and treating you well you have no grounds for complaining here and you must accept and support him.

My grandfather, uncle and aunt's husband were/are all Freemasons. We used to just roll our eyes at them. When my grandfather died, we discovered he was paying out thousands a month to lodge. But, it was harmless really. It just gave them somewhere to go and something to do. It actually comes in handy from a networking perspective. A lot of high-up people are members - police, politicians, business owners etc. Connections. As kids all our work experience placements were arranged by my granda asking his lodge buddies. I still have one of his swords. My gran, mum and aunt were in a Women's Institute type of club. We called it the Witches' Circle. They were a lot less charitable than the Masons!

Which bit of it would be the make?

I think the fact you called the womens club the Witches Circle says the most about this post
😳

My uncle was a Freemason and my aunt put up with it for years. It may well be tied to his job in some way. The boss might be a member. He is not allowed to tell you if this is the case.Maybe that is why he started it. Membership offers all sorts of employment and social advantages. I think you need to grin and bear it on a “If you cannot beat them join them” basis However do not tell him it makes you sick. Just say it’s not terribly your thing but will go along with it all provided he spends quality time doing stuff that you find enjoyable too on an equal time basis. Do not let this get all consuming so nip time spent in the bud but in a positive nice way saying you love and would miss his company if it gets too much.

Blackballing isn’t confined in Masons, though

Yep. My ex used to as well and I found it equally off-putting. It's a fucking ridiculous antiquated club that takes itself so seriously and actually is really only good for ridicule. I don't blame you for catching the ick.

For all the poor men in our midst who have nothing to be part of and are disenfranchised from society but desperate to raise money for charity, there's the Rotary Club. Charity without all the stupid ritualistic garbage. I think 30s is about 20 years too young to be a member of either, but I'd much rather a partner of mine was a member of the RC if I had to choose one.

I'm sure there's no funny business going on with freemasons, especially if they say that there isn't: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/nov/21/judge-denies-he-was-asked-to-give-advice-about-letby-because-he-is-a-freemason

Yes, there is a lot online. Ric Berman wrote a decent book about its history. Also they have a research lodge and a journal here: https://www.quatuorcoronati.com

I had to research them for a book I was writing…the subject was a member.

Sure, but all religions have their rituals and ceremonial dress. The principles of Deism in Masonry were important to the founding fathers of the USA. The history of masonry is actually kind of interesting.

Does anyone know how they 'raise money for charity'? I have never been asked to give to a charity that was linked to the FM's so how does it work?

Very off putting

Yes, yes. I know. Misogynism etc. What we really wanted to call it was the Bitches Circle, but we weren't allowed to swear. It was unfair to witches though. I don't think witches get together to talk shit about other people and treat others like shit like this group of women did. If you weren't in the clique group, you were nothing.

Sounds like the Freemasons

This, my dad was in the Masonic/Freemasons and I noticed the hints of misogyny the one time I was taken to his Lodge. Disgusted me even as a teenager. But took me a while longer to realise how much he actually did hate women.

How many meetings did you attend?

Also, the expression “Third Degree” questioning refers to the catechism you have to answer correctly when being raised from the second degree “Fellow Craft” to the third degree “Master Mason”, I kid you not.

The Vatican have repeatedly forbade Catholics from joining freemasonry for 100s of years. Freemasons will not accept true Catholics as the two religions are completly incompatible. Freemasonry is a religion with their own Great Architect God.

Yeah definitely a hint of misogyny at the ladies nights, probably fuelled by the much older men who make up 90% of the group. DH is not misogynistic in day to day and his lodge is definitely one of the traditional fundraising ones than any kind of nefarious acrivity but it's still weird to me. He likes learning the history and I think it's good for men to have an outlet. He only ever got one contract from it when he bumped into an old acquaintance there but is now employed and it's never given him a leg up.

I could understand if it had career benefits or business but it doesn't!

I used to do MLM and I see traits of that brainwashing in there, this need to recruit people.

He has his own money so he can spend it there if he wants. I guess I'm a hypocrit because I have known form the start if something happened to him they would look after us, and I'd accept that...

Ha, my sisters reminded me how hard they chased our Dad for a while, he was then Chief Architect for the local authority so up to his neck in the local planning department and had a lot of influence.

He went along with it (for the shiggles because my Dad and 'silly rules' do not go well together, he sets fire to rule books and I never understood how he got anywhere in planning!) to see how far they'd go and what the reaction would be when he said:

'Ah but im taking early retirement in 18 months...'

All his new buddies vanished in a cloud of dust, reversed outta there like their arses were on fire because they knew in 18 months time he'd just be a grumpy git with zero influence over anything or anyone.

So is mine, I don’t get involved, don’t do the whole dutiful wife at events thing 😝

However, I do think anything that men feel is a community of friends, a support, a hobby is a good thing. They are generally far worse at sharing and helping each other than women are. Suicide rates in men would support this.

Realistically all the masons do is a lot of fundraising and they aren’t harming anyone. It’s like the WI for guys.

Ladies night is a red line for me. Went once, never again 😂