DH is a Freemason and it makes me cringe

[YerJokin]

He takes it so seriously. He's always gone through hobby phases but he's done this for years now and takes it very seriously. He's currently on the phone discussing 'Bretheryn' and it gives me the major ick, I actually want to cry listening to it.

I've tried to stand by him as he takes it so seriously so i attend events and smile encouragingly but I can't bear it. Never knew when I married him that he wanted to do this. It's not the worst thing he could do of course but it's an old boys club and we're only in our 30s!

He has lots of friends and other hobbies so it's not even his only social outlet, no idea why he needs this in his life and treats it like a second job.

Catholics shouldn't be joining the Masons anyway. The Vatican forbid it. https://www.vaticannews.va/en/vatican-city/news/2023-11/vatican-catholics-still-forbidden-masonic-lodge.html

Quite! one numpty Masonic historian (I forget his name, it may come back to me) said that Masonry was established before the Earth was formed.

My ex was a Freemason. He and his little cohort never seemed to achieve anything other than dressing up in their suits now and then and eating school dinner meals together and taking it in turns to get to be the one who read the lines from their special little book in their no girls allowed club. I never saw or heard of any evidence of charity work. In fact, when I went along to the incredibly strange ladies night, I asked one of the men what their charitable work had been, and whether they had a charity number (they didn't). One of the men did a speech thanking the ladies 'for ironing our shirts all year' and women weren't allowed to go to the bar. Despite me being the breadwinner and paying the mortgage on my own, my ex had to buy my drinks that night and I wasn't allowed pints. Fake fake fake.

Bunch of mostly old fools playing dressing up and silly handshakes. My grandad was one. Total nonsense. They are fairly inconsequential now but in the 80s and 90s there was a lot of concern about freemasonry's ties to the police and judicial system.

It's a cult.

You're probably right in that it's worse in the west of Scotland.

I would assume maybe the food bank was run by a church so didn't want to accept money from a cult.

And yes I grew up in Glasgow and there is a crossover between the Orange lodge and Masonic lodges. My mum complained to the police about the route of an Orange march going past her flat - a very high-ranking police officer turned up at her door a few days later asking her lots of questions.

Ugh no. My dad was a member for a while and I think it was a testing time for him and my mum, the whole ethos was anathema to her and it would be to me too. My dad never even benefited from membership in the way people had led him to believe he would, or in any way at all tbh. It's not something that would ever appeal to my DH, thankfully.

Exactly 👏👏

She was in her mid 20s at this point so early 80s, kind of the 'golden age' of the masons. He was something like a chief superintendent - a totally bizarre rank of police officer to be responding to a complaint about noise and disruption.

Just because an organisation does charity work doesn't make all the dodgy stuff ok.

You won’t get far on MN if this upsets you!

I used to live in Glasgow and do not miss the din of the orange marches, accompanied by the sea of middle aged balding males when I looked out the window!

I agree with OP about the cringe. It’s basically like a posher version of Reform. The Freemasons used to be mega secretive and you’re still not allowed to disclose exactly what happens at each stage of the ceremonies. Having had an insight into them on a professional level, I can reveal that the big secret is they’re actually rather dull. Dan Brown did untold damage to the ‘brand’… but he made them sound very interesting (as well as murderous).

There have been various rogue branches involved in murky stuff but they’re not at all endorsed by UGLE - or any other official Freemason outfit.

The founding fathers of America were Freemasons, Isaac Newton was a Freemason, Oscar Wilde was a Freemason, several presidents and even a king here at one point.

In reality, the Freemasons are part of the Establishment. The only rule is you have to believe in god/a higher being. Muslims and others of faith for example are very welcome. In fact, modern Freemasonry is not as white as you may think.

They do indeed raise truckloads for charity but barely shout about it. It is a bit sad that they’re dying out but I suspect the new-found recognition of male loneliness might boost their membership in the years to come. They just need to be a lot better at marketing. Like any organisation with multiple branches, it can feel like herding cats though and some members are very resistant to being ‘marketed’…

Their last CEO was a medical doctor and very pro-modernisation. Not sure if the organisation has gone backwards since.

@Plastictrees Middle-aged fannies playing flutes. It carried on going past our home all the years I was a child/teenager. We would stand at window and my mum would mutter angrily about it

The big secret about the freemasons is that there is no secret. It's just blokes getting together, doing charity work etc. I think you're being quite intolerant and mean. He clearly enjoys the camaraderie and purpose it gives him. I don't see what's problematic.

They regularly win certificates, awards etc. My grandma once received a certificate from Princess Anne for services to charity along with a group from a female lodge for raising so much for charity. Maybe they keep a low profile because they're not in it for the glory I guess.

I know Catholics aren't allowed by the church to become freemasons. But that doesn't mean freemasons won't accept Catholics as members.

My DP and his (male) family are all Masons. He doesn’t take it too seriously himself, but the Masons are seen as great for the community where we live.

My experience is opposite to a lot claimed on this thread.
DH and several friends are involved, the people we know there are very "normal" and not at all seedy. They go to a meeting and dinner once a month plus events with the wives about 4x a year. It fills the gap the rugby team used to when he was younger and is a good space for maintaining male friendships and support which is often hard to find elsewhere, especially for older men. I have never heard of any dodgy business practices and a lot of them are retired anyway so would have no influence at all anyway.
His lodge, which includes people of various religions, backgrounds and ethnicities have just donated over £50k to local charities

I left my ex the year he became master of the lodge. I was pig sick of him and his behaviour. It was like a bloody drug. I used to get a colleague to call me in to work as I knew he would expect me to look after his kids on his contact nights yet again. After forty or fifty days in a row, I just wanted to watch telly and drink wine.

I couldn't stand the socialising with people I had zero interest in and the ladies evenings sucked so bad I wanted to laugh but they took it really seriously too. There was a phenomenal amount of money involved though. My ex got work that he would never have got had he not been in.

I found it all a bit sinister tbh.

I know some freemasons, lovely guys. It's just a men's club that does great charity work like the round table. Not a cult!!! Honestly, I mock the Freemasons I know mercilessly for their weird customs but it's hardly a big deal!

I have several friends who are Freemasons and they don't behave like this. The charitable works can take a bit of time, but I suppose some people view as some kind of cosplay.

Exactly
As a female architect all the local male architects picked up work and promotions after a few drinks at the local Masonic hall and I never stood a chance.

Its disgraceful discrimination and I just can’t believe anyone thinks this is OK.

Obviously those who aren’t directly affected by discrimination don’t see it and those that benefit just don’t care