DH is a Freemason and it makes me cringe

[YerJokin]

He takes it so seriously. He's always gone through hobby phases but he's done this for years now and takes it very seriously. He's currently on the phone discussing 'Bretheryn' and it gives me the major ick, I actually want to cry listening to it.

I've tried to stand by him as he takes it so seriously so i attend events and smile encouragingly but I can't bear it. Never knew when I married him that he wanted to do this. It's not the worst thing he could do of course but it's an old boys club and we're only in our 30s!

He has lots of friends and other hobbies so it's not even his only social outlet, no idea why he needs this in his life and treats it like a second job.

Why is this a Freemason problem and not a corruption-within-the-police problem? There are thousands and thousands of masonic members who are not police, lawyers or politicians. You never hear stories about them acting shady. That is because it is not the Freemasons that are shady, nor does becoming a mason turn people shady. Certain professions attract certain dark personalities. They would be shady whether they were FM or not.

People not understanding "correlation does not equal causation" just tars thousands of innocent people with the same dirty brush.

Oh I don’t mind having a critical discussion- but to do that we need people to be able to provide evidence for their claims surely. It’s clear that the majority of people are just regurgitating hearsay. It was exactly these sorts of accusations the Nazis used to persecute and imprison Freemasons.

If you read my posts, I have said anyone is a Nazi, I have said anti Freemasonary views, esp linking them to some kind of powerful conspiracy aligns with the views of the Nazis which is historically accurate, these are views the Nazis held. Why do you have an issue discussing the Nazis persecution of Freemasons and the sorts of accusations they made?

If you want to discuss the Nazi persecution of the Freemasons then feel free to start your own thread. In the meantime, try not to call non members nazis just because they are questioning things.

I always thought they did lots for charity which is a good thing.
Why not talk to your husband and tell him how you really feel?
But also keep in mind how you would feel if he asked you to do the same ie stepping back from a group of friends you do things with regularly, how would you react to that ?
If he is not hurting anyone then I would just let him get on with it and not accompany him and just do my own stuff whilst he looks after the kids so it’s equal and you both get some time out to do stuff you like

DH is a Freemason, it's a fairly recent interest actually, he's only been a member for a year or so. He enjoys it because he's ex military and it gives him a similar sense of belonging, he has struggled with being a veteran and not having that sense of identity/ belonging. The time commitment isn't huge - it takes him away from the family for one evening a month, and if I really need him at home for some reason he will skip his monthly get together. He's also said if anything were to happen to him they'd take care of me and our family financially. Obviously I only have his word for that. I do find the learning lines things a bit odd, but it seems harmless enough and it keeps DH happy, so who am I to judge. He might think my hobbies are odd 🤷‍♀️

Why would that need a separate thread? Surely it is very relevant here where so many are spreading the same false narrative about Freemasons? The real question is why don’t you want that very relevant discussion here. Aren’t you the one who accused me of policing the thread and saying everyone is allowed to voice their opinions. My opinion is that many of the accusations posted here reflect the historical position of the accusations levelled by the Nazis against the Freemasons. Do you find that inaccurate? If so, how?

And again I have not called anyone here a Nazi. Point out where I have.

My family has long been involved. Nothing serious and it’s just like a man’s club where they do some charity work. I don’t think being a member is an issue - it’s how much time it’s taking out of your relationship. See if can do more together with other social circles and see if that helps

Absolutely ridiculous post. Freemasons do a lot of good work raising money for lots of charities. You obviously do not understand any of it. No one has to give their wages, no one is force to join. It is not a cult!! Educate yourself and maybe ask your husband some questions. It really isn’t that secretive.

Yes, my DH is absolutely not at all secretive about it! He actually tells me quite a lot about it and I've been invited to 'ladies nights' too, which I haven't had a chance to go to as yet. I have actually met one or two of the guys from his lodge at a party recently and they seemed very nice and normal tbh.

I haven’t accused anyone of being Nazis, I have asked and you can’t point out where I have said anyone here is a Nazi. You can’t do this because I haven’t. No matter how many times you say it it won’t make it true.

I’m saddened, although not surprised you have repeatedly resorted to abusive ad hominem arguments, calling me “weird”, “argumentative” “incredibly tiresome” “having an agenda” and repeatedly trying to make me feel ostracised. I can only guess why you are putting so much effort in trying to make me shut up. I do have an agenda, it’s called the truth.

if you don’t want to engage with me, I will be very happy with your choice.

It is really useful if anyone in your family gets into trouble with the law then the local chief inspector willl help out. When redundancies come about you can be sure a handshake will make sure you or your husband are not on the list. Preferential rates with the local bank manager when you have to remortgage, no fines for parking on disabled bays or double yellow lines, jump NHS queues, family will get bumped up the housing ladder if they need social housing. If you need someone beaten up or investigated by inland revenue then a word at the lodge will make sure it happens. All this for a few smiles at social dos and your husband away for 5 nights as well. They possibly also satisfy his urges. What’s not to like?

Don't forget the sex parties!

where I used to waitress we had the local Freemasons in once a week - they were polite and did a lot of charity work. I don’t see this as any different from joining any other boys club; golf, sailing, football etc. it would only be a problem for me if it meant he was out of the house a lot and wasn’t pulling his weight at home. Just make sure you get equal amount of time off in the evenings

BUT DID YE KNOW??

There are women only lodges

And they do a lot for charidee.

I don't think anyone else has pointed this out.
(Actually just posting so I can be reply #666.)

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right? Are you saying to be eligible for charitable donations you have to be related to a free Mason?
My sister ran a charity a few years ago helping to pay for holidays for sick children, the Freemasons donated massively over the years. My sister wasn't a freemason, neither was anyone else?

What proof do you have? My guess is zero! All hearsay. Unless you have dont make unsubstantiated allegations.

The devil is in the detail. The "Inland Revenue" ceased to exist nearly 20 years ago.

Oh dear. The rules of logical argument state that you discuss the topic not the person. Your views on me are not relevant to this discussion. Do you have any points relevant to the topic in hand? If not, i will leave you to it (unless you are willing to back up any of the accusations you have thrown around about me, then we can seriously discuss those, I’m not willing to engage with your disappointing name calling and bullying tactics) I will go back to challenging the unsubstantiated conspiracy theories being spread on this thread.

It is a cult. A massive, ancient, power weilding cult, doing charitable works as a front.
It is spiritually damaging. Your spirit is telling you something.
Trust your gut.
I'm standing with you.

Being male, I don't really comment on here very often (not sure I would be very welcome). I joined Mumsnet a little while back to comment on a specific topic and feel the need to do so again.

I have been a Freemason for the last three years. I enjoy it very much indeed and it has become a very big part of my life. My experience has been overwhelmingly positive, which is why I am rather dismayed by the large number of negative comments on here.

Some people have asked what we do. A Masonic meeting has two main parts. Firstly, there is the meeting in the lodge room which usually involves a ceremony. Either we are initiating someone or someone is being taken to the next level (second or third degree). It's rather like a playlet with different people taking part, with various moral lessons, based around the story of King Solomon's Temple. Then we have a lovely dinner (we call it the 'festive board), propose various toasts and raise a load of money for charity through alms collections and raffles. It's a lot of fun and completely harmless.

Our main aim is to "Make good men better." Corruption, cover ups and lawbreaking are not part of who we are what we do, despite what people often allege.

Freemasonry is not misogynistic and family always comes first. I am a single guy, so I am not really effected as much by this concern as others, but the Freemasons I know, who do have a wife/partner and/or children, are very careful not to allow their Freemasonry to be detrimental to family life. They will limit the number of nights they are out and any family events absolutely come first.

It's not just a man thing either. There are two Grand Lodges in the UK which are for women.

There's a lot more I would love to say but I don't want to make this post too long. Please feel free to ask me anything you like. I will answer as best I can.

Can you substantiate any of this?

@JamesPeterson Thank you for your post. I am not a FM, but know people who are and who have been for decades. One has held a very senior position. Your post totally corroborates what I understand Freemasons to be about, based on what those members I know have told me. Looking at the way they run their business and private lives, I believe everything you have said here.

Thank you. And of course you’re very welcome here, Mumsnet has moved on from being just mums.

Your description of Free Masonry is the one I recognise. I have only ever come across one incident of what could be seen as misogyny (and that was by a member of the SRIA ). In turn it transpired he was actually repeating something a woman had requested previously.

I see so many men who get so much out of Freemasonry. Good men, keen to improved themselves.

What made you join?