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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband went to the gym on Christmas Day?

360 replies

pineofcone · 27/12/2024 13:51

We did Christmas just the two of us. We don’t have children and our families live in different countries.

We did presents, watched a film, cooked dinner and then he said he was off to the gym. He is very much into the gym, goes pretty much every day.

He couldn’t understand why I was annoyed that he couldn’t just miss one day. Aibu?

OP posts:
Fromheretothen · 27/12/2024 16:00

GravyBoatWars · 27/12/2024 15:55

There is something wrong with getting upset in this situation. They had done all their planned activities for the day, there weren’t children or guests to be tended, and he does not need permission from OP to go run to the gym, or take a nap, or go for a walk. A person’s desire to go do something alone for a short stretch takes priority over someone wanting them to sit next to them on the sofa or whatever - your partner is not a comfort animal.

If OP were upset because they had something planned or he abandoned her when there was work that had to be done that would be a completely different topic. But she’s not, she specifically said she wanted him to stay with her all day.

Edited
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If he had asked and she's said no you'd be right. But he didn't ask, he didn't mention it, just decided he would go out - when it's not unreasonable for someone to think that Christmas Day was a bit different. People trying to pretend that that's not thoughtless is crazy.

It's not about him going to the gym, it's about him not communicating it. He might go every single other day but Christmas day (birthdays/anniversaries too probably) is different, he's an idiot if he can't process that.

Whiskeyandkittens · 27/12/2024 16:01

I was going to go to the gym (which was open for the people who may be confused) on Christmas day- but I lost my door access card and the office that sorts those WASN'T open!

Sounds like something that can be sorted with a chat or if you'd discussed it beforehand, or you'll be quietly seething and he'll be obliviously thinking everything is OK and normal.

biscuitsandbooks · 27/12/2024 16:05

Fromheretothen · 27/12/2024 16:00

If he had asked and she's said no you'd be right. But he didn't ask, he didn't mention it, just decided he would go out - when it's not unreasonable for someone to think that Christmas Day was a bit different. People trying to pretend that that's not thoughtless is crazy.

It's not about him going to the gym, it's about him not communicating it. He might go every single other day but Christmas day (birthdays/anniversaries too probably) is different, he's an idiot if he can't process that.

Show quote history

Christmas Day isn't different or special to everyone though - for many people, it's just another day with an extra-nice meal.

I agree their communication sucks but I don't think it's fair to say he was thoughtless, necessarily, especially if he goes to the gym everyday. OP could have said she didn't want him to go on Christmas Day if it was so important that he was home.

AuntieMillicent · 27/12/2024 16:05

I went to the gym on Xmas day. It isn't manned, and any member who pays £10 refundable deposit can have a key. Just noting maybe ops husband's gym is similar. Sorry not rtft.

Jennyathemall · 27/12/2024 16:06

DrMaxwell · 27/12/2024 13:52

Um, my first thought is are you sure he went to the gym? Sorry

Typical MN!

Jennyathemall · 27/12/2024 16:07

gannett · 27/12/2024 15:00

No. It's all a lie. We're all having an affairs. No one could possibly want to exercise on Xmas Day.

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Exactly!

Iliketulips · 27/12/2024 16:08

DH's gym was definitely open Xmas Day. I think I'd rather have known if he planned to go, but wouldn't overly bother me as long as I wasn't the one left doing all the food prep and washing up while he went out.

notacooldad · 27/12/2024 16:10

If my gym had been open on Christmas day I would have gone either on .y way to work or on my way home.
Actually, even if I hadn't have worked I would have gone for 90mins tbh.

Stravaig · 27/12/2024 16:12

This is the third thread I've seen today where it is the OP's partner who needs the 'red flag, run!' advice from MNetters.

GravyBoatWars · 27/12/2024 16:12

Fromheretothen · 27/12/2024 16:00

If he had asked and she's said no you'd be right. But he didn't ask, he didn't mention it, just decided he would go out - when it's not unreasonable for someone to think that Christmas Day was a bit different. People trying to pretend that that's not thoughtless is crazy.

It's not about him going to the gym, it's about him not communicating it. He might go every single other day but Christmas day (birthdays/anniversaries too probably) is different, he's an idiot if he can't process that.

Show quote history

OP could have asked him what he planned to do Christmas afternoon if she needed to know the schedule, and if she wanted him to spend the whole day with her she could have expressed that and discussed it. Her needs, expectations and wants do not take priority over his - he had no more responsibility to bring up going to the gym in advance or ask if she was ok than she did to ask him if it was ok to spend the day at home together.

This didn’t require OP’s consent, just a normal “I’m going to go to the gym.” If OP had a schedule conflict or wanted to request he delay, that was her opportunity.

Jennyathemall · 27/12/2024 16:12

Londonmummy66 · 27/12/2024 15:09

Me too

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Yeah but admit it, you’re both having affairs…

notacooldad · 27/12/2024 16:12

If you can’t spend one full day together as a couple then ..
Then what?
Presumably you spend a full day together when you go on holiday?
If not does it matter, you are not going to fall apart because you do different things throughout a day.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/12/2024 16:12

Lots of people go for a run or walk Christmas Day, this is no different

CulturalNomad · 27/12/2024 16:13

There is something wrong with getting upset in this situation. They had done all their planned activities for the day, there weren’t children or guests to be tended, and he does not need permission from OP to go run to the gym, or take a nap, or go for a walk. A person’s desire to go do something alone for a short stretch takes priority over someone wanting them to sit next to them on the sofa or whatever - your partner is not a comfort animal

100% agree with this. He shouldn't have to ask her permission to do a completely normal activity in what was essentially "down time". Just how many hours sitting like a potted plant on the sofa watching Christmas movies is enough?😂

Wonderi · 27/12/2024 16:13

It depends on how long he was out.

3/4 hours or more then I’d be a bit annoyed.

Any less wouldn’t bother me at all.

I often go for a walk/jog and I had no idea that anyone would have an issue with me going out on my own.

Him not spending 24hours a day with you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.

Jennyathemall · 27/12/2024 16:13

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 27/12/2024 15:20

No way was the gym open Christmas day. Even if it was, why would he not want to be with you?

Well, im never coming to you for advice

Mrswhatsit40 · 27/12/2024 16:24

Hmmm 🤔

Redrosesposies · 27/12/2024 16:25

Wish my DH would go to the gym. In fact I wish he would just go out of the house. Anywhere would do and hopefully not come back.

19lottie82 · 27/12/2024 16:27

When I used to go the gym I went on Christmas Day for an hour. It’s no big deal.

johnyhadasister · 27/12/2024 16:31

As because you are both from different countries and have no one else here, may be he feels isolated? Just an option

NoTouch · 27/12/2024 16:32

You need to communicate better, but communication doesn't mean he doesn't get to go to the gym for a couple of hours just because you want to "spend the whole day together" rather than "only" 22hrs of the whole day!

Communication could be we'll have dinner at 3pm, then would be nice to have a walk and come back and watch Die Hard 2. You want to go to the gym? What time are you planning to go/how long for? Ok, you want to go after walk....I'll have a nice bath with my new smellies/get into my new PJs/read my new book then and you can shower when you get back and we can watch Die Hard 2 together!

Alternatively you can sit at home and wallow in some imaginary theory there is something wrong with 22hrs of togetherness compared to 24hrs.

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/12/2024 16:33

This is literally not a big deal. He’s not Velcroed to you. Be less needy it’s very clingy to be upset by this

Whammyammy · 27/12/2024 16:33

Went to the gym.... of course he did. Cone home freshly showered/showered when he got home?

johnyhadasister · 27/12/2024 16:33

When I did some Christmasses years ago in the in laws and my husband has his family around him but I had no one, I ate my dinner and then sat on the end of the sofa with a book or a laptop or gone out alone for a long walk, but my husband always joined me. I felt very isolated even between people

Bogginsthe3rd · 27/12/2024 16:34

As long as he brings home the gold in next Olympics it's all good
Daley Thompson is often quoted as having said: “I train twice on Christmas Day because I know the others aren't training at all. It gives me two extra days.”

Husband went to the gym on Christmas Day?