Page 6 | Husband went to the gym on Christmas Day?

pineofcone · 2024-12-27T13:51:05+00:00

We did Christmas just the two of us. We don’t have children and our families live in different countries. We did presents, watched a film, cooked dinner and then he said he was off to the gym. He is very much into the gym, goes pretty much every day. He couldn’t understand why I was annoyed that he couldn’t just miss one day. Aibu?

gannett · 27/12/2024 15:00

ElangaScores · 27/12/2024 14:56

Why? He’d go for a run whilst I was out, no doubt. The gym would be lovely and quiet, we’d both be home for a Xmas dinner. Some people enjoy exercise. Is that hard to understand?

Show quote history

No. It's all a lie. We're all having an affairs. No one could possibly want to exercise on Xmas Day.

TooManyChristmasCards · 27/12/2024 15:02

I went for a run on Christmas Day, what's wrong with that?
Obviously not first thing in the morning, did kids presents all morning, walk the dog, had lunch, it's a family day, but you can still take 1 hour to do something you enjoy. Any kid could have come running with me but they don't like it 😂
There were a lot of families outside, but a lot of runners on their own too, and the weather was crap.

If you can’t spend one full day together as a couple then ..
depends on the day, for me you were not actually doing anything? I mean, if you'd been intimate in bed all day, it would be offensive.
If you had plans, or were doing something, it would be unfriendly.
You had presents, food, watch tv. Going to they gym sounds perfectly reasonable.

Would you feel different if he had gone in the bath for 1 hour? Would YOU have gone in the bath for 1 hour?

OP, he likes exercising, that's normal and frankly a big positive for many people.
What do YOU like? What do you do without him, hobby, sport? You need your own space too.

DreadPirateRobots · 27/12/2024 15:03

Fwiw, I work for a media company that broadcasts 24/7 and I could have gone to my work gym on Christmas Day. The company's campus is open round the clock and the gym would have been available, unmanned. I also used to go to an Anytime Fitness which like PP said was accessible to members 24/7, unstaffed.

treesocks23 · 27/12/2024 15:03

My DH and 18yr old DS are gym obsessed and they both went together on Christmas morning. I think they’re bonkers but each to their own lol. They came back, showered and we were straight out for Christmas lunch.
I think if DH and I were by ourselves he may consider it but I think he’d asked if I minded and as long as it was only 1-1:5hrs or something I’d be fine with it.
I will never fully understand that training/gum mentality but to them, it’s their enjoyment and they love it.
Neither my DH or DS drink so this is something they really enjoy in their day.

InaChristmastizz · 27/12/2024 15:05

@gannett yes, I agree it’s down to the circle (and ages?) of the people you hang around with.

However, I’m in my late 50’s and I’ve lost count of the numbers of friends or acquaintances I know who’s partner had affairs, inc. my bastard Ex. so it’s more likely based on lived experiences than posters trying to be mean. (Although I accept that this is AIBU)

If you’ve never faced the pain of discovery and the dreadful aftermath of a cheating partner, you won’t necessarily understand why some of us might want to warn other women of some potential signs to look out for. I’ve always been there for my friends but by then, it’s all out in the open. Men who are having affairs will do anything to allow them to text or meet up with their affair partner and they tend to actively avoid spending too much 1:1 time with their actual partner. So ‘nipping out to the gym’, is definitely a potential Red flag to be aware of.

Cranmer · 27/12/2024 15:05

I did park run on Christmas day and so did 1000 others in my town. It meant Christmas day stresses started after 10.30am in our house!

EuclidianGeometryFan · 27/12/2024 15:05

pineofcone · 27/12/2024 14:16

I’m fine with my own company, I just wanted to spend the full day with my husband. I didn’t want to sit on my own and watch a film.

If you can’t spend one full day together as a couple then ..

Show quote history

If you can’t spend one full day together as a couple then ..

You didn't finish the sentence. Finish it, in your head - then what?
Do you mean to say "...then there is no point being a couple" or similar?
Do you want to separate?

You need to talk to him, about how you feel, about what your needs are. And next time, make sure you have this conversation in advance so you both know what to expect. Communication essential to happy relationships.

If your needs are incompatible, then you may need to separate. Or it may just be that he didn't realise how important it was to you to spend the whole day together, because you didn't tell him.

Bbobik588 · 27/12/2024 15:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

randomchap · 27/12/2024 15:07

Did you actually speak to him about your expectations, or plans for the day? Did he tell you in advance that he was planning on going to the gym?

Tbh, this sounds like you could both communicate better.

Could you join him at the gym?

Lavenderflower · 27/12/2024 15:08

I think who are are gym rats or generally into fitness would attend on Christmas Day if their gym open. I don't see the issue with it.

TooManyChristmasCards · 27/12/2024 15:09

InaChristmastizz · 27/12/2024 15:05

@gannett yes, I agree it’s down to the circle (and ages?) of the people you hang around with.

However, I’m in my late 50’s and I’ve lost count of the numbers of friends or acquaintances I know who’s partner had affairs, inc. my bastard Ex. so it’s more likely based on lived experiences than posters trying to be mean. (Although I accept that this is AIBU)

If you’ve never faced the pain of discovery and the dreadful aftermath of a cheating partner, you won’t necessarily understand why some of us might want to warn other women of some potential signs to look out for. I’ve always been there for my friends but by then, it’s all out in the open. Men who are having affairs will do anything to allow them to text or meet up with their affair partner and they tend to actively avoid spending too much 1:1 time with their actual partner. So ‘nipping out to the gym’, is definitely a potential Red flag to be aware of.

bloody hell, ANYTHING is a potential red flag then.

Who can live like that? If I had a husband so controlling and suspicious, it would drive me insane and I would indeed actively try to avoid spending ANY time with him at all.

For example, anyone who has a dog is a red flag? Dogs need walking several times a day, and ideally a good run too. RED FLAG.

I could go on with every little thing.

Londonmummy66 · 27/12/2024 15:09

doodleygirl · 27/12/2024 13:53

I went for a run on Xmas day, didnt for one minute think I shouldn’t.

Me too

Gymmum82 · 27/12/2024 15:10

I went for a run on xmas day and Boxing Day. Had we been at home and not away I would 100% have gone to the gym and not thought twice about it. Some people the gym is their escape

IlooklikeNigella · 27/12/2024 15:12

DH went for a run and I went swimming... Pretty normal here.

murasaki · 27/12/2024 15:12

He went the the gym after Xmas Dinner??? I could barely get myself to the sofa.

WigglyVonWaggly · 27/12/2024 15:12

I think if he goes nearly every day and the gym was open, it’s unlikely that he’s having a secret fling like some are suggesting and much more likely that he really did go. Exercise becomes a routine and a habit if you go regularly - it makes you feel better, gives you a mood boost and you can be reluctant to miss it. Lots of people go for a walk or a run on Christmas Day. Gyms are usually shut as staff don’t want to work, but I bet if many were open some members would go first thing. If it’s just the two of you with nobody round, he probably felt it was more productive than doing something like Elf for an hour. I guess my only bug with him would be if he took ages as he went smack in the middle of the day and that’s very different to being back by 9/10 am and having the whole day together.

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 27/12/2024 15:13

pineofcone · 27/12/2024 14:16

I’m fine with my own company, I just wanted to spend the full day with my husband. I didn’t want to sit on my own and watch a film.

If you can’t spend one full day together as a couple then ..

Show quote history

Ah come on. He went to the gym for what? An hour? It's his Christmas day too and he enjoys the gym.

He really hasn't done anything wrong.

Parky04 · 27/12/2024 15:13

ForeverPombear · 27/12/2024 13:55

I think the PureGym near me were open Christmas day. OP I'd be checking to see if the gym he uses was open.

Our PureGym was closed on Christmas day.

TypingoftheDead · 27/12/2024 15:14

doodleygirl · 27/12/2024 13:53

I went for a run on Xmas day, didnt for one minute think I shouldn’t.

A run isn’t the same as saying you’re going somewhere that might not even be open on Christmas Day; granted it wasn’t really the OP’s point, but if their gym wasn’t open then where did he go?

FedUp1000 · 27/12/2024 15:14

My exH used to go to the ‘gym’ most days too. He was certainly getting hot and sweaty but not through lifting weights unfortunately.
Hopefully we are all making the wrong assumption here and your DH is just really into health and fitness.
I think he should be able to go out for a while on Christmas Day if he feels he wants to. I’m not sure that your need for him to be with you trumps his need for space and exercise.
edited to add that I saw people out for runs on Xmas day

MadamDicey · 27/12/2024 15:14

pineofcone · 27/12/2024 13:59

I should have elaborated more but it’s our first Christmas just us, we’re used to bigger family Christmases. And I just didn’t want to be on my own.

For one day I thought he could miss it. He goes pretty much every day (depending on work).

So you wanted him not to do something he enjoys , so you weren't on your own ?
Surely you can see that you are being abit unfair

daffodilandtulip · 27/12/2024 15:14

I'd have been glad of the silence tbh.

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 27/12/2024 15:14

TypingoftheDead · 27/12/2024 15:14

A run isn’t the same as saying you’re going somewhere that might not even be open on Christmas Day; granted it wasn’t really the OP’s point, but if their gym wasn’t open then where did he go?

Show quote history

The op has said the gym was definitely open.

Justsayit123 · 27/12/2024 15:16

He’s told you where his priorities are… what are you going to do?

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 27/12/2024 15:19

pineofcone · 27/12/2024 14:16

I’m fine with my own company, I just wanted to spend the full day with my husband. I didn’t want to sit on my own and watch a film.

If you can’t spend one full day together as a couple then ..

Show quote history

Then?
We are childfree and if my husband left the house on Xmas (or any day) it would not be something I gave 1 second of thought to.
Can you elaborate on why he should have stayed in the house all day?