The amount of mess in my house makes me want to cry, cleaning it up constantly makes me want to cry

[ldnmm]

My kids, 2 and 4 are just constantly making a mess- constantly. It never stops.

I've been cleaning up constantly and whenever I turn around, there's a new mess somewhere. I just can't fucking hack it anymore.

I want to throw away all their toys and be done with it. I just can't take it anymore.

Make them tidy up after themselves you say? Yes I do that but it's just so consistent and there are so many things that I don't always have the energy to get them to tidy things away. There's just so many bits of bullshit toys all over the place that it becomes a huge ordeal to even tidy up properly and not just dump everything all messed up in buckets.

My husband is a bit shit at tidying up after himself as well and I literally cry because I can't take it anymore.

I cry when I am trying to stay on top of everything because I'm so exhausted and so frustrated. So yesterday my husband said, let's just leave it a bit- it doesn't make a difference as they make a mess so quickly anyway. So we left it a bit, but I'm just fuming today. I feel sick and frustrated.

It's just so fucking relentless and I don't know how to manage it better but I clearly can't just ' let it go ' as it drives me absolutely mad and I start being extremely frustrated. Chuck all the toys away ? They're never going to be able to tidy up every little thing after themselves like I need them to. Yes they'll tidy up at the end of the day etc but because they have so many toys and so many activities ( stickers, drawing, puzzles ) they like to take them out, play, then come back to it etc etc. so I can't see it working, without me having to be constantly on top of them and being exhausted by that too.

It's driving me mad though ! So I don't know what to do.

The only way to have a clean house is to get rid of unnecessary stuff. Assess what toys they don't really play with and put them away. If they don't ask for it in 3 months, donate to charity.

Put half of their toys away and do toy rotation?

This was me! We have MASSIVELY reduced, the kids are still just as happy, they find plenty to do, they're actually way more creative because they use the same toy in multiple ways (mangatiles are very very adaptable!), and tidying up can be done in 10 mins. I literally set a timer and we're all done in 10 mins.

We also reduced clothing, excess ornament/ decorative items, extra and unused kitchen items...

Don't get me wrong, we have plenty, probably still far more than we need, and we can definitely still make a mess with it, but it is FAR better than it was and is so much easier to quickly clear. And everything has a place to put it, so no more piles of "stuff" that we don't know what to do with.

If you want to know what categories we found useful to keep, I'm happy to share, but honestly how you feel is SO normal. I hated it and cried a lot too. It's utterly overwhelming and you're doing your best, so go easy on yourself.

There are two grown ups living in your house. Your DH can step up, he was weaponised his incompetence like so many men do when a woman is there and will pick up after them. You sound exhausted, force your DH to do his share and your load will be much lighter.

I would try rotating toys and asking family to give money, or small items only in the future. Throwing things away seems so wasteful so better to reduce what comes in in the first place.

We live in clutter and we absolutely need to prune crap dramatically.
Books, clothes and just STUFF!
As a household we are not good at this. I have no excuse of young children either. I do believe am ND but too old for diagnosis and just need effective strategies...I don't drive and will need to rely on equally problematic DH to take stuff to Dump/ recycling...
I feel your pain.

Don't you thinking reducing is wasteful though?. I am sure you try donating but even then a lot of it will be thrown away. Better to not buy so much in the first place.

Toy rotation so they don’t have them all

Buy Marie Kondo’s Life Changing Magic of Tidying. Read it. Do it. It may take months or even years. But once you change your mindset it can really help you to keep on top of things. She says you only need to do it once. That’s not entirely true and I believe that now she’s had children she has changed some of the advice she first swore by! But it’s a great insight into why we hoard stuff, what the issues are with keeping and storing stuff and how we can appreciate what we have.

Yes, of course, but if you already have the stuff, what are you supposed to do, just keep it all because you have it and don't want to be wasteful?

Put 2/3 of the toys into two binbags and put them in the loft.

In a couple of months, put all remaining toys in a binbag. Put that in the loft and bring out one of the other bags instead.

Mess reduced significantly. Children enjoy playing with ‘fresh’ toys. Win win. It saved my sanity.

(obviously any essential toys like bedtime favourite teddy stays available all the time)

Every January I always sorted through his toys with him when he was younger after the influx of new Christmas toys into a keep pile and a charity shop pile. Has to be done as they naturally grow out of certain toys and it's just all builds up.

I just stopped caring as much tbh. If it's messy during the day when stuff is being played with, I just let it be. It'll be cleared up at the end of the day and as long as it's tidyish at bedtime I'm not that bothered. I write, as I sit surrounded by farmyard animals, ice cream pieces and toot toot track

But I do feel that letting go and just accepting it has made things easier. It doesn't actually take long to tidy up toys at the end of the day, but constantly tidying throughout the day when more mess is bound to be created turned out to be the thing that stresses me.

I would rotate it and be really strict about not adding to it.

Yes, I think that is a really good way of dealing with it.

Just accept your kids are kids and living a happy childhood full of play. Its a very short time in reality... they usually start weening off toys onto technology and more 'grown' interests around 8/9 years old.

Is it possibly a control issue. Sometimes the more stressed and burnt out you are the more you feel the need to have everything perfect. Gets particularly bad at Christmas with everyone home and so much to do. Your husband may be right. It doesn't matter if the house is a mess for a few days.

Behind every unhappy young mother there is a useless cunt of a husband.

Are the toys too accessible? I would only have a smallish box of toys accessible and put the rest away and then rotate them periodically. It will mean they actually have to play with what's available rather than just dumping it all out and then not actually playing with it properly.

I just can't function properly when it's a complete hole. I get extremely irritable. I am not actually a neat freak, far from it. But when everything is all over the place, I feel like the walls are caving in. I literally can't think straight.

With regard to the toys, I used to just leave them until the end of the day then I'd have "tidy up time" where the TV would go off, playtime ends and DC have to help put everything away. If it helps you should be able to find a "tidy up song" on YouTube or Google which you can play while they tidy.

Try to encourage them to put one thing away before getting another out. Your four year is old enough to understand the concept.

buy some Trofast from ikea ?

You'll rarely see the mess again

Also please be gentle on everyone - they are only kids - keep toys to one room? A playroom or their bedroom and a small box in the living room

Children and especially two year olds are not meant to be born tidying up after themselves

Mess is a part of life, it is constant so you should look within to manage your own expectations imo and not project onto others especially when they can’t really help it (well aside from the giant toddler who you have living with you!)

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You know what, I absolutely don't expect the two year old or even the 4 year old to tidy up after themselves throughout the day. I think at the end of the day, I can prompt them to help me tidy up. The 4 year old can also do it when promoted after painting or something but other than that, I don't make them do it. My two year old actually loves to help out. He's at that little helper toddler age.

It's just sometimes on MN mums seem to magically be able to get their toddlers to clear up after themselves and think this is the absolute norm and you've failed as a human if your child doesn't do the same...

Does you house look like a playgroup ? One box of toys a day and one box of books, change every couple of days. Only tidy once a day, there is no point in tidying toys until they are in bed, it's as pointless as trying to hold back the tide. Stop buying so many toys.