The amount of mess in my house makes me want to cry, cleaning it up constantly makes me want to cry

[ldnmm]

My kids, 2 and 4 are just constantly making a mess- constantly. It never stops.

I've been cleaning up constantly and whenever I turn around, there's a new mess somewhere. I just can't fucking hack it anymore.

I want to throw away all their toys and be done with it. I just can't take it anymore.

Make them tidy up after themselves you say? Yes I do that but it's just so consistent and there are so many things that I don't always have the energy to get them to tidy things away. There's just so many bits of bullshit toys all over the place that it becomes a huge ordeal to even tidy up properly and not just dump everything all messed up in buckets.

My husband is a bit shit at tidying up after himself as well and I literally cry because I can't take it anymore.

I cry when I am trying to stay on top of everything because I'm so exhausted and so frustrated. So yesterday my husband said, let's just leave it a bit- it doesn't make a difference as they make a mess so quickly anyway. So we left it a bit, but I'm just fuming today. I feel sick and frustrated.

It's just so fucking relentless and I don't know how to manage it better but I clearly can't just ' let it go ' as it drives me absolutely mad and I start being extremely frustrated. Chuck all the toys away ? They're never going to be able to tidy up every little thing after themselves like I need them to. Yes they'll tidy up at the end of the day etc but because they have so many toys and so many activities ( stickers, drawing, puzzles ) they like to take them out, play, then come back to it etc etc. so I can't see it working, without me having to be constantly on top of them and being exhausted by that too.

It's driving me mad though ! So I don't know what to do.

It just sounds like you have too much stuff OP. Toy rotation and get some big baskets to scoop everything into when you want a quick tidy up during the day or last thing at night. Limit toys like puzzles so they aren't spread all over the place and lost. I wouldn't allow water play inside other than in the bath,that sort of thing was a summer activity in my house.

lower your standards
enjoy your life as it is

We used to go out every morning - I think if you stay home this is bound to happen.

Your DH needs to tag team and either tidy up or take kids out for couple of hours or entertain them rather than just telling you to ignore it all. Realistically it's going to get even more messy. He just doesn't feel like tidying up himself.

Yes we did too,every morning without fail,up and out rain it shine.

Another vote for a trip to Ikea for Trofast. Get the shallow trays. Then they don't have to tip anything out on the floor - they just get the trays out instead.

I am naturally really untidy and Trofast genuinely changed my life when my kids were little.

Oh also, label every tray - with pictures alongside the words if they're too little to read.

Kids have way more toys than before and we're spending all our time trying not to trip on them as well as picking them up. Definitely chuck a bunch of stuff you think they don't play with in a black bin bag and hide it for a couple of months. Mine don't notice. If they do, I say Hmm, I wonder where that went to or I tell them it broke and got thrown out.

100% this.

And other posters storage is your friend

Re kids tidying up. Your sound normal OP.
My dd is great imo
Shes 2.5 and needs(lots of) prompting to tidy and even then its 50/50 on whether she helps or starts playing Dr with some stuffed toys

My kids are older now (13 and 11) and I actually miss the days of toys scattered all over the house, now I’m having to work hard to persuade them to do anything that isn’t on a screen. My 13 year old used to make an incredible mess - chopped up paper over the floor wherever she happened to be, chopped up fabric from sewing projects, paint and playdough, every soft toy she owned arranged as a ‘school’ in the floor, and the tidying up caused arguments and tears. It’s all a distant memory now though - she has the tidiest room in the house, watches home organising programmes for fun, but is still very creative (I can’t take any credit for the tidiness, it weirdly just happened). What I’m trying to say is that it is a short phase. Try to reduce new toys coming in this year, show them how to play with what they have and join in, have a good storage system, but try not to let it get on top of you - they’re only little for a short time.

Absolutely set up a toy rotation. There are many reasons for this, including:

Reducing overwhelm for your children, so they can better concentrate on their play without distraction. Learning is done very largely through play, so this will aid their overall education

Keeping toys appealing - absence makes the heart grow fonder! A lifesaver when you are under the weather and need them distracted, or when the children are, and hard to entertain

Ensuring a 'respect' is kept for the toys. They're special, to be cared for. There's now a rarity value to them.

It's easier to keep track of all the pieces to a board game/puzzle or boxed game, so the activity is much more pleasurable when it is out and played with, without bits having gone 'walk-about'.

The house is tidier and easier to keep clean. It'll be a pleasanter living environment for everyone.

You'll feel more inclined to host playdates without worrying about the mayhem that might ensue with little guests getting everything out and spreading it everywhere! More playdates will lead to better social development and stronger friendships

It's a great carrot! 'WHEN you've done your holiday homework THEN we can get the dolls house out!'

It will be easier for children to put things back in the right place, know where to find things they want and generally have more autonomy and responsibility. A great precursor to pulling their weight a bit more overall as they get older - pitching in with washing dishes/folding laundry/putting the food shop away etc.

Get a bunch of 'Really Useful storage boxes' or whatever and pack away 2/3 to 3/4 of their things. Think about categories of toys, so if you're packing away the Duplo maybe keep out another construction toy like wooden building blocks, or if you pack away the safari animals maybe keep out the farm animals, you know?

Have a 'toy shelf' with a limited selection of activities on it. We have a large TV stand (without the TV!):

https://www.cotswoldco.com/living-room-furniture/tv-stands/xxl-tv-stands/burford-painted-extra-large-tv-stand---up-to-80/

I like it because you can have half on display and half in the drawers, so even though they do have access to the things in the drawers there's not that visual overwhelm and they're less likely to get everything out together. Maybe have a 2 week rotation, but after week one swap the things in the drawers round for the things on display. After 2 weeks pack it all away in the storage boxes and get out a different batch. The storage boxes can be kept in the loft/garage (maybe a desiccant sachet in each) in a dedicated toy cupboard they don't have access too, or under your bed.

Seriously, do it! You won't regret it!

I always do a toy full before birthdays and Xmas and send stuff to the charity shops or sell bugger items. I also used to put toys away and rotate when they were younger. Having space to store what you have is also key. The kids both have Ikea toy storage in their bedrooms and boxes in the kitchen so there's a place for everything to go. I'd get your DH to take the kids out and have a big clear out today

I hear you OP my kids are the same age and it really is relentless, especially the 4 year olds toys omg so many pieces! I died a little inside when SIL got her a 200 piece bracelet making kit for Christmas as I just know I will be picking up tiny beads off the floor for the next year. Things that help.

keep most of their toys in their room. Rotate toys in the living room/play room. I also like this because when we inevitably get bored in the living room we just go play in their room for a bit.

mesh bags, like the ones you use for your bras and pants in the tumble dryer. Use them to keep all the bits together, less bulky than boxes

if they ask you to open something refuse to do it until they’ve tidied away the last toy. Like all the play dough is all over the floor, they ask you to open the LEGO. “Of course darling as soon as you’ve put all the play dough away”

tidy up song on YouTube, it really does help.

remind yourself frequently it’s a phase and it will pass. You will have a home not cluttered with toys again but in the meantime this is their childhood, they only get one.

Oh god. I know. It’s not just the toys, though, is it? Everyone is giving you advice about toy rotation like that’s the whole issue and not just the point that tipped you over.

It’s the endless, endless laundry. The hoovering. The toilet habits of two seperate kids. Mine will not keep their hands off of windows and a freshly cleaned one is like a magnet to them. I once had a frustrated cry because after taking the time to clean windows, while being constantly badgered by both kids with other trivial things they were able to do themselves, they started entertaining themselves by licking their fingers and rubbing them against the windows for the squeaky noise. My house is not clean. Far, far from it. But at this age they are constant little filth generators and it’s non stop.

Like the baby stage, the best thing you can do is focus on the fact that it ends. They will get to the age where you can get them to do part of the chores competently. All you can do in the meantime is get through it and try your best to keep toys with lots of tiny foot stabbing pieces out.

@notenoughteaintheworld definitely … it’s the toys PLUS everything else.

I find I’m constantly sweeping as well, I don’t know where all the dust and debris comes from but it’s constant and makes the house feel a bit grim. A couple of times a week I’ll blitz downstairs but it never feels clean for longer than a few hours (ie when the kids have come downstairs in the morning.)

If it upsets you, and it did me, then you do need to put one thing away before they move on to the next. At 2 and 4 you do need to supervise them.

The key is to just get rid of stuff OP. The less stuff you have the less there is to keep tidy.

On a practical note, I whack my headphones on with a good audio book and crack on, one room at a time.

My DC are 17 and 8 now, truth be told I miss the constant sea of toys strewn across the floor.

You need to reduce the number of toys available for them to play with at any one time. Teach them to pack away at the end of each day. Accept that your house will not be pristine with young kids in it. Talk to someone with much older kids who miss those days of dolls and puzzles. Your children are only going to be at this stage for a very short period in their life. Don’t wish it away. There are many more years ahead when you can have an immaculate home.

It does get better OP. Over time they will have less toys and be better at keeping them in thier room or the right space. It did my head in at the time too. By the early teens they will be putting on washing and making you a cuppa occasionally.

If you cant get on top of a rota for toys can you find a hidey up method where things are just under a blanket or behind the sofa so you can sit in the evening without seeing them.

Mmmm…..I work with kids and no 2 or 4 year old is good at tidying up. Embrace the chaos that comes with having children. Kids can’t see the mess that is blaring at you. They just see stuff to play with. Lean into this rather than try and clean up all the time. Your strategy seems to be driving you nuts so clearly not working. I once met a couple who colour coded their books- guess what? post baby one- colour coding was obliterated. You will lose this battle! No one on Mumsnet has mastered this even those that claim they have.

I’d still say don’t bother labelling Trofast drawers, especially with a 2-year-old. They can pull drawers out and tip them – tipping is a form of play! – and trying to keep them organised to dolls, Lego, trains, etc is thankless work when there’s also laundry, craft mess, meals, playing with them, everything else. You have to be able to step away to start dinner or whatever, then in the thirty seconds you’re gone it’s all everywhere and it used to drive me crazy trying to organise it back. Just shove it all in and have less stuff so each drawer of jumbled toys is at least vaguely visible inside. We have one set of nine drawers and three are empty right now as I cleared out pre-Christmas.

I find it also helps them play imaginatively because instead of “ooh, let’s get out the trains” they open a drawer and discover Lego, play tea pot, a small helicopter, a doll, some stacking cups and that’s it, they’re off making an obstacle course or a pattern or “I’m busy working, Mummy, can’t you see?”

PP with the crafting daughter leaving tiny bits everywhere made me laugh: this is EXACTLY my daughter, and me as a child. Currently my bedroom has stacks of her books because she’s playing schools, the teddies are in a long line around the house for their exercise, and she spilled very very very small sticky gems on the new kitchen floor thanks to a crafting present some bastard relative gave her. But it’s OK because DS got a toy broom so he’s “helping” sweep (Not helpful but preferable to his favourite game of finding all the potatoes and hiding them around the house, if someone can solve that one I’ll be forever grateful)

I know how you feel. It's exhausting, and maddening, because it always seems like it gets messy again just as soon as you've tidied it up! I feel like I never have any time to do the things I want to do because I expend all my energy constantly tidying up after other people.

That said, I did bring this on myself a bit by having a third child! My older two are boys (6 and 8) and they actually don't make that much mess anymore - it's more computer games and youtube these days than toys with little pieces that get strewn everywhere. And when they do play with an actual toy it is easier to keep it contained, and they can tidy it up themselves. So there is light at the end of the tunnel - it will get better.

In the meantime, as others have said, get DH to help - it's clearly affecting your mental health, and so whether or not he is bothered by the mess he still needs to help you keep on top of it.

I feel the same. I am 💯 not a neat freak. Probably the opposite. I can't work out if it's over stimulation or because I hate tidying so much I see every item as a chore. Probably both!

My DC are older now (5-10) so it's not as bad. We do live in a small terrace house so less stuff really was part of the solution.

Getting out of the house helps me too so if you have been home a lot for Christmas remind yourself part of today's frustration is that!

I used to have a big chest of drawers in the living room with toys in, and the rest were in son's bedroom or the spare room - so similar to what lots of PPs are suggesting.

He could play with anything in the drawers, but from before he could crawl we always did 'pack away time' before lunch and then before dinner. So of course, it was mainly me packing away and him 'helping'. But by the time he went to school, I wasn't doing anything except saying 'pack away time'.

You rotate what's in the drawers whenever you or they want to, so their favourite stuff is always there. It's all about creating a routine and then chilling about the mess the rest of the time.

His bedroom was always a tip unless I helped him clean it though, until he was about 11!

Not alone OP

Oldest (9) is autistic and constantly leaves food crumbs everywhere and uses different surfaces as a napkin. I have to stop him and run after him several times a day to get him to eat on the ground floor where it isn’t carpet. I’m not a neat freak but having to know any effort of cleaning I do won’t last unless I vacuum after the kids go to bed which would wake them up, is disheartening.

Middle is getting better due to me constantly telling him to put xyz away and don’t take anything new out, making sure room is tided before bed, and getting cleaning tools he can handle himself.

Youngest puts everything in her mouth, but she is only 14 mo so it is even more work trying to make sure she doesn’t put anything in her mouth she shouldn’t because her oldest brother drops things. I stopped her from eating what look like a dried up orange segment that oldest dropped in the radiator along with other bits of old food.

I thought of getting a cleaner twice a month but it seems pointless if the work doesn’t even last half the day.

I dread Christmas because it is more stuff while I’m trying to get rid of other stuff so it is easier to manage. Less things does make life easier, and I’m hoping I can clear out a massive chunk by the end of January and get rid of carpet by the end of March at least for our stairwell. It is one of my biggest cleaning issues and eyesores. Lugging a vacuum cleaner up and down stairs several times a week is tiring even more so when you know it isn’t going to stay clean anyway and accumulate more stains. We plan to remove it out of all the rooms one by one because it’s too much work keeping it clean and it is only looking worse overtime.

Trofast or Kallax unit with boxes

How do they play?
Do they have designated play spaces?

A tuff tray for messy things like Lego so it doesn't go all over the floor

A cheaper option is a cheap shower curtain you then pick the shower curtain up and poor everything in it into the storage box.

Water play is done outside and have stricter rules about being in the kitchen unsupervised - that just shouldn't be happening any way.

Painting is directly supervised indoors or done outside, get an aqua draw for inside and a roll of lining paper and crayons for inside. Use the lining paper on hard floor. Mark making outside with just a load of cheap decorating paintbrushes and water is highly effective and leaves no mess.

Glitter - Just No!

Have stations set up like they would at nursery or play group. You can zone it with material so zone 1 is on the red material, put musical instruments here. Zone 2 under the blue material on the table as a fort is the reading area, zone 3 on the green area is for the trains. Yellow material is construction / small world toys If stuff moves from it's zone during the day you can get them to help you return the toys to their 'colour' area.

If you don't want them going in their bedroom or kitchen put a small sliding lock out of their reach at the top of the door so it can be closed during the day. Obviously don't use it if they are in there as it's a fire risk.