The amount of mess in my house makes me want to cry, cleaning it up constantly makes me want to cry

[ldnmm]

My kids, 2 and 4 are just constantly making a mess- constantly. It never stops.

I've been cleaning up constantly and whenever I turn around, there's a new mess somewhere. I just can't fucking hack it anymore.

I want to throw away all their toys and be done with it. I just can't take it anymore.

Make them tidy up after themselves you say? Yes I do that but it's just so consistent and there are so many things that I don't always have the energy to get them to tidy things away. There's just so many bits of bullshit toys all over the place that it becomes a huge ordeal to even tidy up properly and not just dump everything all messed up in buckets.

My husband is a bit shit at tidying up after himself as well and I literally cry because I can't take it anymore.

I cry when I am trying to stay on top of everything because I'm so exhausted and so frustrated. So yesterday my husband said, let's just leave it a bit- it doesn't make a difference as they make a mess so quickly anyway. So we left it a bit, but I'm just fuming today. I feel sick and frustrated.

It's just so fucking relentless and I don't know how to manage it better but I clearly can't just ' let it go ' as it drives me absolutely mad and I start being extremely frustrated. Chuck all the toys away ? They're never going to be able to tidy up every little thing after themselves like I need them to. Yes they'll tidy up at the end of the day etc but because they have so many toys and so many activities ( stickers, drawing, puzzles ) they like to take them out, play, then come back to it etc etc. so I can't see it working, without me having to be constantly on top of them and being exhausted by that too.

It's driving me mad though ! So I don't know what to do.

It used to bug me too. I used to shut off the rest of the house and stay in the dining room/kitchen until after teatime. Constantly tidying up around them is as pointless as sweeping sand off the beach though so leave it until the end of the day and tidy up then.

Yeah but you can still have an immaculate house with toys everywhere- it literally takes ten mins tops at 6pm to bang them away before bath time

I think reduced amount of toys/toy rotation.

Storage (trofast? I think it's called - people seem to like them)

Can one area of the house be the 'play room'.

Do you get out of the house? I find sometimes getting out of the house means less mess at home e.g spend all morning out then come home have lunch and then keep the play to an area of the house.

It's hard though I feel the same with mess, it stresses me out.

Another for rotating as opposed to getting rid of straight away, also remember the next few years are the worst in terms of toys etc but it means there’s fun in the house and a bit of chaos isn’t the worst thing x it’s just obviously when it gets totally out of control or you find it hard to clean as a result

Stable door after the horse has bolted though, isn't it? If there is already too much, reducing is the only option. Can't go back in time and not buy things now.

@ldnmm

We have what is probably an average amount of toys but is likely way too much. I only have one DD but she is a whirlwind. I have a general rule that she can have one big thing (Lego etc) out or a few smaller things, but they have to be tidied away before anything else can come out.

And, if it gets to the point where I'm struggling to move round the room without standing on things, everything stops and we all tidy (me and her or me her and DH or just her / her and DH if I'm in the middle of something else) then she can play with one thing again.

Also, storage like ottomans are brilliant. Look like furniture, can add extra seating, and you can chuck SO MANY toys in them and shut the lid. Makes the tidying so much quicker.

Could you try toy rotation so box up some toys and put in different room/space then swap after a while etc.
It is relentless. Mine are teens and I have 8 year old twins and it is just starting to be less tidying up wise.
I feel for you. I don't feel like I can chill out until the house is decent but the last couple of years I have waited until just before dinner/bath time to start tidying away otherwise you are wasting time and energy xx

Yeah but we’re talking about stuff the OP already owns

I spent my first 5 years as a parent tidying up after mine every time they were finished playing with something and eventually realised it doesn't matter.
I spent more time clearing away toys than I did anything else. And for the same box of crap to get dumped out 10 mins later. Pointless.

Let them play, embrace the mess or tune it out, and make sure they help tidy before bedtime.
It's not worth feeling this stressed over. You will have your house back sooner than you think.

Is your house open-plan?
If not, claim one sitting room for yourself. Strictly no toys in there. If any creep in, chuck them into the next room. Also chuck any of DH stuff into the other room. (I mean literally chuck, don't feel the need to go into the other room with the toy or DH's clutter to put it away properly).

Depending on the layout and number of rooms, this may not be possible.
But it sounds like you desperately need a bit of space for yourself, with minimal pictures and ornaments, an empty tidy place to sit and collect yourself together.

Could you put an armchair in your bedroom and sit looking out the window?

Sometimes using rugs and carpets to define spaces helps, or a free-standing shoulder-height bookshelf. Make your own space, and keep it clear.

Start small

Have a sort out, chuck out what you can
Toy rotation
"10 minute tidy" every night as part of their bedtime routine.

Yes, but they are presumably enjoying playing with them. It also cost money. At least get use out of it rather than waste and just don't buy more.

You can rotate things and not buy anything more in the future. If you start throwing things away there is always the danger that you will just buy more.

Oh lovely. Don't judge yourself by what you read on here. Some of it is just too good to be true. The post a few above this saying it only takes 10 mins to get an immaculate house is one of those very unpleasant posts that I really believe some posters post just to put the boot in.

AHH OP I feel you so much. We have a 6 and 3yo and it's only really become A Problem since we had our third baby 2 months ago. I think I didn't realise how much tidying I constantly did until now I have a baby in my arms sleeping/feeding/being changed/being winded/being comforted most of the time I just cannot tidy. Also my 3yo used to join me with tidying fine but since I can no longer do it, 90 per cent of the time he just totally refuses to tidy up now. Basically unless I'm majorly bribing or threatening him with something, which I don't like to do.

I have no advice tbh but hope I might get some!

Do you not have family who buy / bought things for your DC? Every time my parents visit, or DD comes home from DHs parents, there is new stuff that comes into the house. We say don't, but they can't help themselves. So yes, we donate, we chuck, etc. I keep on top of the sorting, so things she's outgrown get donated or passed on or sold or whatever. And I try to keep an eye on what she doesn't play with much, but I also work and we go out and do things and we spend time as a family or visiting family, so I don't always have the time to. Life, you know.

We have quite a small house, we haven't got room to store a "rotate box". We also don't have the ability to have a "toy free space" because we don't have that many rooms. Our bedroom is usually toy free but I can't just shut her out of it on her own. So she'll be in there while I get dressed or do my hair or whatever and she's likely to play.

She will tidy up when asked, mostly, but we do a tidy round before bed. But regularly we just accept that today, it's a mess. Cos it is. And the mentality of "well maybe you shouldn't have bought so much in the first place" isn't helpful. It's just judgemental.

I completely feel all of this no advice but fist bump in solidarity!

I asked my family to stick to clothes, books and small things which they did. I didn't really buy much. We rotated things using the loft and garage. I can cope with a bit of mess but I really hate waste.

Toy rotation so things are out of reach and a selection are out at once. Get them to play a game of tidying up throughout the day....it's snack, lunch etc let's see who can pick up all the red blocks first etc. Tidy up songs like the sticky kids tidy up song are good.

Some people don't have a garage. Ours isn't in a fit state to store children's toys, it needs work. Our loft space is tiny and access is awkward.

It strikes me that you are very lucky to have usable space to store things and family who will follow instructions. You also don't seem to understand that everyone's situation is different to yours, so you can't apply your principles to their lives.

Your husband needs to step up. The rest needs to be decluttered. Getting rid of stuff is very liberating. Most of us have far too much anyway.

We just stick to "a place for everything and everything in its place" at the end of each day. During the day it's a mess but the kids know where the magnets go, where the puzzles go, that all kitchen accessories go back in the toy kitchen, train set in a specific cupboard etc.

We do also have a drawer for loose bits like cars or little figures etc the occasionally I will go through and return to their homes.

One day your house will look like there's no trace that children even live there, it's just temporary so you need to find a system to keep on top of it for now. Get in them involved helps. For one of mine it was a strict rule of tidying up one toy before getting another out. That way there's not bits everywhere. If I saw him going to dump out a box of blocks while a puzzle was scattered on the floor I would just say no you have to tidy the puzzle up first. He was a real "dumper outer" though so we had to be strict with him 🤣

We don’t have access to the loft and the garage is filled with cars. It’s so difficult. Toy rotation just seems more work to me to be honest.

Unbelievable that you are suggesting someone is "very lucky" that they don't buy or have family buy lots of stuff that they then throw away. I would check your own privilege tbh.

Have you thought about trying to overcome this tidiness obsession OP? It sounds extremely stressful for you - but also for your young family. They will be being affected by it already and could come to resent you years down the line.

There's no need to live with a serious MH issue like this, a cure is almost certainly out there somewhere.