New bf, Xmas disappointment

[Journeyjunkie]

Am I being a bit of a spoiled brat?

New BF, been together 7 months so 1st Xmas together. Money is a bit tight for both of us but I have been buying his Xmas presents over the past few months to spread the cost.
I went to his Xmas afternoon after kids went to their Dads. Got there, he’d just got up from a nap so was half asleep (he knew I was coming) house was a mess, dirty plates by the sofa, kitchen a mess.
There’s an Amazon box on the sofa next to a roll of wrapping paper, said he couldn’t find any cellotape. He gives me the box & it’s a frying pan, which to be fair I do need.
He then says we’ll go away in Feb/March for a weekend & starts suggesting places he’d like to go!
He took me away for the weekend for my bday which at the time I thought was lovely & romantic but now I’m wondering if he knows me at all. No cards for either bday or Xmas & for my bday he also said he’d bought me a couple of things which never appeared.
Can’t help but feel a bit undervalued as a person, he’d made little effort on Xmas day, no nice food/drink & he fell asleep on the sofa!
AIBU?

I think if they make zero effort on first birthdays / Christmas then you know it won't ever improve , I would be pretty annoyed if I was you .

He sounds a massive slob who can't be bothered to make an effort. If he can't do it for your birthday or Christmas then imagine what he is going to be like everyday if you eventually move in together....

Talk to him, tell him that this matters to you!

I have said it before on MN, why are women shagging men that they can’t even seem to have a decent conversation with?

( Having said that, a frying pan is a shit Christmas present!)

Don't waste anymore of your time on this lazy slob...

Nope you don’t need another child to look after
keep the frying pan but end the relationship

I hope you went home when he fell asleep .. leaving your frying pan with him.

Raise your bar

My ex was like this. Continued and spread into other areas that required him to make effort. He never changed and always seemed annoyed that sometimes there were expectations on him.

is this how you want your future christmases and birthdays?

A fecking frying pan....on your 1st Christmas. No, just no.

Your boyfriend didn't really put any effort into finding out what sort of things you might like for Christmas. Is he worth persevering with? Would you feel heartbroken if you broke up?
I would be considering the pro's and con's of this relationship.

Can you live with a slob?
If he makes such little effort now things will only get worse.
Surely he could have bought you perfume, jewellery, books, plants, clothes……the lust is endless.

Dump him, it's not going to improve

Yanbu. The box sitting on the side with the wrapping paper I could forgive...I'm disorganised and last-minutey myself and would understand. The rest of it? The frying pan, the mess, the lack of occasion...nah. He's not trying to impress you is he? He's complacent and lazy already.
It really doesn't bode well imo.

This.

So unattractive.

Why are your standards so low that you'll accept this?

You should still be in the honeymoon period and you're coming over to a messy house to receive a frying pan he couldn't even be arsed to wrap up. It's only going to get worse from here.

Cleaning up his place and washing the dishes doesn't cost any extra money, only time and effort. Time and effort he did not have to spare to impress you at Christmas.

I have to be honest with you, I'm not getting lifetime partner vibes here.

Christ on a bike, get yourself a vibrator. It’ll be a better conversationalist and a more caring partner than this wart.

Zero effort = 🚩
The beginning of a relationship he should making you feel special not rubbish.

An unwrapped frying pan? this is like some kind of awful joke. How shit.

Dump him- this is the stage when he should be making an effort. If you put up with this rubbish you'll be eyeing that frying pan years down the line and wanting to hit him with it.

Yep! I'd have hit him with it. Plonker !

A frying pan? Was he taking part in a terrible present challenge?

I think you should throw this one back.

Throw this one back. Life's way too short to put up with such lack of care. If he doesn't make an effort at this early stage of your relationship, he will make LESS effort in future, not more. You making a fuss won't change that. He should want to make an effort. Disappointing for you

The worst bit for me is that he knew you were coming round and his place was a mess. He has absolutely just shown you how he is happy to live. If you want to live like that, go for it. If you don't, then this relationship has no future.

A frying pan?? That he was too lazy to wrap. And Christmas day without nice food and just sleeping. That is a terrible Christmas day. Why did he even want to spend it together? You would have been better off somewhere else or even on your own at home with nice dinner.

Toss. Him. Back.