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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New bf, Xmas disappointment

143 replies

Journeyjunkie · 27/12/2024 07:51

Am I being a bit of a spoiled brat?

New BF, been together 7 months so 1st Xmas together. Money is a bit tight for both of us but I have been buying his Xmas presents over the past few months to spread the cost.
I went to his Xmas afternoon after kids went to their Dads. Got there, he’d just got up from a nap so was half asleep (he knew I was coming) house was a mess, dirty plates by the sofa, kitchen a mess.
There’s an Amazon box on the sofa next to a roll of wrapping paper, said he couldn’t find any cellotape. He gives me the box & it’s a frying pan, which to be fair I do need.
He then says we’ll go away in Feb/March for a weekend & starts suggesting places he’d like to go!
He took me away for the weekend for my bday which at the time I thought was lovely & romantic but now I’m wondering if he knows me at all. No cards for either bday or Xmas & for my bday he also said he’d bought me a couple of things which never appeared.
Can’t help but feel a bit undervalued as a person, he’d made little effort on Xmas day, no nice food/drink & he fell asleep on the sofa!
AIBU?

OP posts:
Spectre8 · 27/12/2024 09:26

The frying pan isn't the issue for me, you said money is tight for you both and u needed one so it's a nice gift as you get something you need.
It's the dirty home and not bothering to wrap the gift up. He could of woken up one hour earlier and tidied up and wrapped your gift. That alone is why I'd leave him because a dirty house means he doesn't even respect himself enough to keep it clean so why would he ever improve on that, he won't. I mean he couldnt even br bothered ro xarry plates from the sofa to the kitchen! You will end up doing it all

calmandcollected101 · 27/12/2024 09:27

Raise your standards girl!

susiedaisy1912 · 27/12/2024 09:27

Bloody hell op. Dump him, seriously this was your first Xmas together where he should have been on his best behaviour and making an effort and that shit show was all he could be arsed to do. Do not spend the rest of your life with this lazy slob, he has shown you exactly what he is and what you will get if you invest your time and energy in him.

pictoosh · 27/12/2024 09:28

Yes I'd have picked the Christmas alone option rather than his woeful offering.

I'd rather sit in a nice room with good food, enjoying the pretty decorations and pleasing myself, than in his dismal unfestive lair.

Ugh the lazy, joyless twat.

Incenseda · 27/12/2024 09:29

Bloody hell.
Dirty messy home, a frying pan unwrapped?
What a prize..not🙄.
Dump.

buttonousmaximous · 27/12/2024 09:30

This is him when you are still in the impressing each other stage. Imagine a few years down the line you will get nothing

ChaToilLeam · 27/12/2024 09:32

Throw this lazy, useless man back!

TwinkleLights24 · 27/12/2024 09:33

He sounds like a bit of a slob.

brown31c · 27/12/2024 09:34

What's wrong with a frying pan? Especially as OP say they need it

fiddleleaffig · 27/12/2024 09:34

If they make zero effort on the first Xmas, imagine what it will be like on your 10th. You will be joining all those threads of mums complaining how they have bought and wrapped everything for dc and in laws and their dh couldn't even buy one gift for them. Is that the future you want?
Bin him.

hobbledyhoy · 27/12/2024 09:35

C'mon now, a frying pan? For Xmas? And you're debating whether or not to dump him?

Raise your standards and expectations immediately

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2024 09:37

This is absolutely your giant clue to not be writing in 5 years time

'Aibu to be fed up of doing everything? I do everything for the kids and the house, and partner does nothing, just lazes about on his phone on the sofa. I can't stand him, but don't know what to do because we have a baby.'

Treeinthesky · 27/12/2024 09:38

What's his star sign? I'm a Capricorn and would much prefer this tbh. I had earrings etc etc but I'd rather go away for a weekend somewhere and made a large point of preferring this over gifts. You needed a frying pan and a weekend away sounds fab cards go in the bin whats the point.

BellissimoGecko · 27/12/2024 09:40

Spectre8 · 27/12/2024 09:26

The frying pan isn't the issue for me, you said money is tight for you both and u needed one so it's a nice gift as you get something you need.
It's the dirty home and not bothering to wrap the gift up. He could of woken up one hour earlier and tidied up and wrapped your gift. That alone is why I'd leave him because a dirty house means he doesn't even respect himself enough to keep it clean so why would he ever improve on that, he won't. I mean he couldnt even br bothered ro xarry plates from the sofa to the kitchen! You will end up doing it all

Edited

This!!

Lazy slob. You can do better!

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 27/12/2024 09:41

I’d dump him he’s a slob who doesn’t care about you.

susiedaisy1912 · 27/12/2024 09:41

brown31c · 27/12/2024 09:34

What's wrong with a frying pan? Especially as OP say they need it

Because that was literally the only thing he got her and even then he couldn't be bothered to wrap it. It wouldn't have killed him to buy a little extra present to go with it. Also the frying pan was from Amazon so all he did was click on his phone and get it delivered to his address all from the comfort of his sofa.

Createausername1970 · 27/12/2024 09:42

Yes OP, I agree with the rest, he made zero effort.

At very least you need to be having a conversation with him that this is not how you want your future birthdays, Christmases - and life in general to be - so he either bucks up or you part company now.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 27/12/2024 09:44

This one isn’t it.

Livinghappy · 27/12/2024 09:44

Time and effort he did not have want to spare to impress you at Christmas

He doesn't care about you. So you have a decision, is your bar this low?

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2024 09:45

Treeinthesky · 27/12/2024 09:38

What's his star sign? I'm a Capricorn and would much prefer this tbh. I had earrings etc etc but I'd rather go away for a weekend somewhere and made a large point of preferring this over gifts. You needed a frying pan and a weekend away sounds fab cards go in the bin whats the point.

Well sure. But you've missed all the context. It isn't a weekend away hes offering, it's just procrastination as he hasn't sorted anything. The op detailed for her birthday he said he'd get her things but they didn't materialise. So the weekend away doesn't exist, it's just words. If it did, he could have sorted it all in advance and presented her with a little home made voucher thing.

LBFseBrom · 27/12/2024 09:57

He sounds pretty typical single bloke-ish. Probably not what you want. However you've only been together seven months and you went OTT with gifts for him, buying them bit by bit over months. He wants to take you away somewhere nice, that's good, surely?

Frankly I wonder what you expected, you must know him a bit by now. I don't see anything wrong with him having just got out of bed and his place being messy. He's obviously a laid back character. However maybe not for you, depends what you want from the relationship. No doubt he spruces up when you go out.

As an aside, he should have known that Amazon gift wraps, or he could have bought a gift bag!

Cosyblankets · 27/12/2024 09:57

Nah
Just nah

AgeGapBbe · 27/12/2024 10:00

He’s a shit boyfriend op, he’s lazy, selfish, dull and immature. I can tell all that from what you’ve written. Why are you bothering with him? Is your self esteem so low that you think that’s all you deserve??

Lightswitchup · 27/12/2024 10:01

An unwrapped frying pan on your first Christmas? Nope. Keep the frying pan but bin him.

HotBath · 27/12/2024 10:02

You’re just not compatible.