New bf, Xmas disappointment

[Journeyjunkie]

Am I being a bit of a spoiled brat?

New BF, been together 7 months so 1st Xmas together. Money is a bit tight for both of us but I have been buying his Xmas presents over the past few months to spread the cost.
I went to his Xmas afternoon after kids went to their Dads. Got there, he’d just got up from a nap so was half asleep (he knew I was coming) house was a mess, dirty plates by the sofa, kitchen a mess.
There’s an Amazon box on the sofa next to a roll of wrapping paper, said he couldn’t find any cellotape. He gives me the box & it’s a frying pan, which to be fair I do need.
He then says we’ll go away in Feb/March for a weekend & starts suggesting places he’d like to go!
He took me away for the weekend for my bday which at the time I thought was lovely & romantic but now I’m wondering if he knows me at all. No cards for either bday or Xmas & for my bday he also said he’d bought me a couple of things which never appeared.
Can’t help but feel a bit undervalued as a person, he’d made little effort on Xmas day, no nice food/drink & he fell asleep on the sofa!
AIBU?

This was my (now ex) partner. I let him off with the whole “I don’t do birthdays and Christmas” because he was somewhat generous and ticked boxes in other areas. The first couple of years together, I ended up picking something and he paid for it but there was never any thought put into it and he wouldn’t have given me anything if I hadn’t made a big deal about it.

I overlooked this massive red flag and ended up buying a house and having a baby with him. Once he thought he had me trapped, he became stingy with everything including his good morning texts. I’ve matched his effort the past couple of years and now I’ve moved onto buying him out the house and he’ll be leaving after the New Year (hopefully 🤞🏼) but it’s been a long, draining road to get him to agree to this.

This will not get better, only worse if you carry on this relationship.

So he's very untidy in his home.

Didn't even make the effort to tidy up and he sleeps a lot.

Imagine what he'd be like to live with !

No. This won’t do. Aim higher.

Come on op. He didn't even clean his house which would have been easy thing to do.

He has set the bar. This is him showing you who he is. It’s up to you if you still want to stay or not. Honestly I wouldn’t bother.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Yeah, you deserve better than this OP. He has shown you early doors who he is. Believe him. Throw him back in, plenty more fish etc.

My ex once said a couple of days before my birthday as we walked past a book shop, here's a fiver, go and get that book you want. I tried to say they should go in and buy it and preferably not when I am there! They said, I'll end up getting the wrong one....
Fast forward to my birthday, they passed me said book, still in the plastic bookshop bag, not wrapped and no card and said Happy Birthday.
That showed me everything about who they were and how much they valued me. I left them. Best thing I ever did.

Get rid of him. He’s not going to change. Give him back the frying pan or perhaps hit him on the head with it to wake him up

This is the best he can manage - your first Christmas when he will be at his most impressive.

Imagine what he'll be like in 5 years' time. Except you don't have to - there's loads of threads on here from women who didn't leave after their first disappointing Christmas.

Wether you become on of them in the future is now down to you. They only ever get worse.

If you stay with this guy, this will be your life going forward.
Is that how you’d like life to be?
Or do you want more?

That’s your answer.

He doesnt sound as into you are you are into him to be honest! 7 months is still pretty new, and yet you've been buying his christmas presents for months? he sounds a slob and you sound needy

I’d be annoyed. Make it special - clean the house, get some food in. He sounds lazy cba

I felt sad and depressed just reading your first post. It all sounds terribly grim and student bedsit like. In fact if my teenage boyfriends had made that little of an effort to clean the place, have something nice in, etc let alone a grown man, I'd have chucked them back. Talk about not giving a fuck.

I think his 'love language' consists of grunts and squeaks.

I’d have taken the gifts you got him back home and left him the frying pan.

Sounds like you’re starting to make excuses for him.

My now husband got me more for my birthday - exactly 23 days after we started going out - and we were students.

For God's sake, this shithead does not deserve you. Grow some backbone and kick him to the kerb. Try one of the other 3,999,999,999 men out there. 40 million of them are in Britain.