I don't like my niece and nephews

[FeelBadAboutIt]

Is that normal?

I'm pretty sure it's unreasonable

My niece and nephews are objectively quite nice little people. They mean no harm. They r all primary school age and a little younger than my own DC. The problem is though, I don't like them!

I often hear friends rave about their niece's and nephews. Only today a friend texted me about how lovely it has been for her to spend Christmas with her niece and nephew.

But I don't feel it at all. I know I should love my niece and nephews to bits, but I just dont. In fact, I actively dislike them! (Sorry, I know that's not nice. I obviously don't let them know. I'm v nice to them, praise them, tell their parents how sweet/clever/etc.. they are....)

I obviously love my own DCs, and I like most of their friends - so it isn't a blanket dislike of all children who aren't mine! But my niece and nephews really annoy me and no, I don't enjoy spending time with them.

Anyone else?
Why is this?
Will I grow to love them and stop finding them annoying?

In terms of the 8 year old, aren’t all children like this?

Not at all, in my experience.

Three DC here - one was very much like that at 8, another was a little bit, and another was genuinely empathetic and naturally modest from toddlerhood.

Edited to add, I've seem a similar range of behaviours in all my friends' children too.

“What we can expect at different stages
From a developmental perspective, having a "self-only" focus shifts toward a "self-and-others" focus as we age and our brains mature. Some research suggests that our abilities to control impulses, make decisions and think in a less self-centered way occurs between the ages of 6 and 13. So younger kids are naturally more self-centered. ”

https://www.allinahealth.org/healthysetgo/thrive/helping-kids-move-from-selfish-to-selfless#:~:text=Self%2Dcentered%20behavior%20is%20most,discussions%20about%20empathy%20and%20giving.

You haven't spent enough time with them and bonded with them properly. It's quite sad.

They are lucky we don’t have sons and NERF toys 🤭😆

🤣🤣

Yeah I think this is true. Maybe DH and I can make a big effort in 2025 to ensure we see them as much as we can. I do want to embrace my aunty role and I do.really.want to like them and get to know them.

Ah thankyou. He really is. He’s like a chameleon and seems to know how to be all things for all people. 😊.

I don’t like my husbands nephews. Well one is ok I guess the other is just horrible frankly.

No love lost there. My children don’t like them either. They tolerate the youngest and tend to go for polite ignoring of the older one.

It’s pretty common I think you’ll find many parents don’t even like their own children at that age LOL

oh dear. I feel you have to grit your teeth and grow up
whoever liked all their relatives?
and these are kids!!!

Nothing wrong with the way you feel OP. You are polite and kind to them, that's all you need to do. I'm not keen on children at all, they just do not interest me. Doesn't mean I want to harm them, doesn't mean I'm going to be rude or unkind to them.

I don’t particularly like mine either but obviously like my own. I don’t think it’s automatic that you love your sibling’s kids. I suppose I don’t really know mine as I don’t see them much which is probably part of it.

I don’t like my niece. My only one aswel! And I feel awful saying that. I do love her but she’s been hard from day one! She was a very difficult child, but then my sister spoilt her. So she is very bratty (at 22 she’s still bratty!) we have had a few arguments, last one being my fault and I did apologise for it. She’s also a product of her environment too so is a negative ninny like her mum.
i love 4 of my partners nieces and nephews, they’re great but he has 2 I’ve never really warmed to.
it does make you feel bad, but we are only human! We can’t like everyone. And everyone’s family dynamics are different.

Me too tbh. I find them irritating.

Do your DCs get on with their cousins? I think that is more important.

The fact that you’re willing to still put on a nice front and act like you care makes you still better than some aunties. For example my sister pretends my child doesn’t exist and my SIL said she wants nothing to do with him (both straight after he was born). My SILs kids are spoilt brats but I went above and beyond as their auntie only for the older one to refuse to even meet my baby. My other sisters kids are hard work as they don’t ever hear the word “no”- one throws tantrums at everything and the other always looks ill and miserable- but I’m the same as you and pretend to like them more than I actually do.
If it makes you feel better, I work at a nursery for a living and love most children I meet! But some are a bit harder to love haha!

I have nieces and nephews. I don’t dislike them but I’m certainly not interested in them,I never have been. I have my own children and grandchildren whom I adore but I’ve never got involved with my sibling’s children. Thinking about it,I suppose it is a bit odd as we all live quite close to each other but I have no idea when I last saw them. It’s not an issue in the family at all. It’s just always been this way.

Two of mine were delightful when they were small. Not so keen on the adults they have grown up to be.

What's the reason for your dislike ?

I didn't like my nephews(dh side) because they were so naughty. Really badly behaved and just unbearable to be around. I cannot stand naughty children, could not care what the reason is around that. However they have grown up now and lovely so I like them now.

On both sides of our families, nieces and nephews were arrogant from a very early age. Took after their fathers. As they have grown up they are even more arrogant and entitled even though they have never done anything in life beyond sponging of parents and being virtual children at the age of 30. We have had better, more in-depth conversations with friends teens than that lot by the time they were in their 20s. They have actually unknowingly written themselves out of our wills. There is only one exception to that and she is a wonderful person.

My sister's lot are all adults now, and they've turned out OK, I guess, but when they were little, they were selfish little sh!ts 😂
My sister and I get on, but we inhabit very different worlds in terms of our moral, political and ethical outlooks 😃

I’m not particularly close to DB and I have nothing in common with SIL - she isn’t a bad person but we are just very different people. Their DC are much younger than my DC and we don’t see much of them due to distance but I don’t really enjoy spending time with them

I had a friend who had two kids. Eldest was a girl aged 5 and youngest was a 2 year old boy. I did not like that boy one bit and I have no idea why. I tried not to let it show but everything about him annoyed me. I stayed in touch until the boy was 5 and then I just distanced myself as I couldn’t stand being around him. He’ll be in his 20s now and I bet he’s still annoying

I totally understand how you feel. I absolutely adore some of nieces and nephews but honestly cannot abide a couple of them. I think the reason I cannot abide one in particular though is purely due to the way they have been brought up, you know they are the centre of the world (but it has to be the centre of everyone's world!!!) and they are very sly and underhand. They're an adult now with a child of their own and still hasn't changed in the least. I don't feel guilty about it because I do genuinely love and like my other nieces and nephews. I think it's like with any other humans, some you like and some you cannot stand and are not too sure why!!