To just … not have toys?

[giveupontoys]

Obviously we’ll have to have some, but my DS(4) just doesn’t seem to play with them.

Christmas presents included a toy ice cream van and he just gets everything out and then it ends up discarded and thrown everywhere, so bits get lost and it’s unusable. This is the same as everything we get.

He has a few toy trucks / cars type things but doesn’t really seem to play with them.

I know people will say not to let him or to discipline him but he just ignores us … doesn’t solve anything.

I don’t know what to do really. It kind of seems pointless having toys if they end up unusable but on the other hand he has to have some things.

I’m a nursery teacher, the children are 1-5. This is completely normal. So many kids play like that, by themselves or together. They have great fun. At first I used to stop them, because it is stressful to watch. Now I understand that this is them actually playing.

They aren’t allowed to trash or ruin things though.

The trick is to teach them that they need to tidy things up after. Proper boxes so it’s easy to sort.

OP it doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong with him at all ! My child was a bit like this - very physical, loved to climb, but not really into toys until about 5 then got into Lego and building stuff. He’ll find what he’s interested in

My 5 year old isn’t big on toys. He likes out door stuff and now he’s a bit older will play board type games with me but otherwise just wanders around the house. He chose to help me clean earlier instead of playing Lego

Mine were much more into crafts. I suspect because that's what I enjoyed to sit and do with them more than play cars or barbies ect. Mine would happily sit and colour or make things out of play dough or fimo once older. Maybe he just wants some else. Nothing wrong with that.

The only toys I enjoyed playing with them were duplo. I also wasn't keen on toys scattered about and then spending more time matching it all up together again (which i rarely did)

My eldest never played with toys tbh she's ASD (diagnosed as an adult) she loves doing stuff with adults though. Would play with her friends. Didn't watch TV until she was nearly 3, fluent talker by 16 months.

The younger ones all played much more with toys but I had 3 close in age.

Do you have too many toys? It can be overwhelming less really is more.

Put loads of it away out of sight and reach?

Climbing frame indoors? Have you garden where he can use his bike/scooter?

He is playing with them. Just not in the way you think he should.

Emptying things out is a stage of play.

He might enjoy a game of putting things back in boxes?

If you want him imaginatively playing at this age, you have to do it too…

I definitely had to "teach" my son how to play, and tbh I found it awkward too at first. I let him lead and if he wanted to make a mess we would build something then knock it over. Then build again and knock it over again. I had to concentrate on what we were doing and note what he enjoyed and try to replicate it. He also played games with me on a tablet and we bonded over that too. He's 8 now and plays nicely with cars or minecraft figures.

My daughter played brilliantly naturally. Again I played with her but it was much easier to find stuff to play with her as she likes almost everything.

It isn’t just the mess, you can clear up mess, its the problem that things end unable to be used because of broken or missing pieces

I do think to an extent you just have the wrong toys if this is an issue

At 3-4, mine really didn't play with toys of this sort. They primarily played with things that were fairly indestructible and where pieces were interchangeable.

E.g. the wooden trainset - if one of our 40 engines wasn't there, it doesn't affect play

Or Duplo or magnatiles or play kitchen

Have you tried getting rid/hiding the vast majority? Like have 2-3 and literally everything else gone. It sounds like he’s overwhelmed. Which is totally normal but removing options would probably help him focus and bonus, will annoy you less with mess! We had a train set, legos, blocks and magnatiles but only 1 would really be available at a time and we’d rotate the rest.

I agree with a pp who mentioned not expecting him to play neatly. When I look back, the toys I was most uptight about keeping in a complete undamaged set, were the least played with. The toys that saw the most action were the duplo bricks which would be mixed in with farm animals, crayons, bits of tissue - basically, the kids wanted to build their own worlds - turn the sofa cushions into a mountain range, and a blanket into a river, turn a play doh barbers chair into a teleport. Very messy, but enjoyable for them.

I think the problem is his play so quickly becomes destructive. So while I was typing I had to tell him not to sit on a dolls house as it would break. That sort of thing is just constant and frustrating and I’m sure it’s frustrating for us both.

Here lies the problem!
Put your phone down and play with him so he learns how to play.
Does he know how to watch things on your phone ?🤔

If the mess is stressing you to the point he can’t feel like he can play just get one of these.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/176445035401?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=viMyv8LVQEe&sssrc=4429486&ssuid=Nsr29UetTLu&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY

My daughter has a toy ice cream van and loves it.

What a bizarre comment.

OP - it is your job to tidy up, and to train him to tidy up alongside you.
If bits are getting lost, that is down to you not taking proper care (and possibly also your partner).

But I understand the absolute pain it is to keep on top of sorting and tidying lots of small bits. Perhaps look for larger toys that are all in one piece, until you are ready to undertake the tidying.

Neither of my children played with toys unless they were with friends. They liked building dens, making obstacle courses, sensory play and outdoor play. I always took them out for most of the day otherwise they would be super bored after 10 minutes. They both read a lot now and do hobbies like war hammer and crafts. Neither are Autistic but maybe ADHD.

One of my DC was a bit like this but turned out to love board games, science kits, puzzles etc so play became easier once he was about 6.

We have that Melissa & Doug wooden ice cream set, I though it was a fairly ubiquitous middle class toy so I was surprised to see the ire it received on this thread!

Does he have blocks?
Marble run?
Sand pit in the garden?

You can buy a tuff tray and set it up. Some animals, some shredded paper etc and let him explore. Google tuff tray ideas.

This.

Ds liked anything he could stack or sort into colours. Paper to draw on and anything he could drum with. A soft ball or balloon to throw around.

It was very inexpensive.

I’ve tried toy rotation before but it’s hard finding places to hide them and to be honest I just tend to forget about them if they are out of sight!

We probably do need a big declutter, he is a December birthday so we get a load of presents then of course Christmas.

Problem with the emptying things out is you try to get him to put them back and he just refuses or walks off and it ends up getting difficult. (I have another child who loves putting things back so I don’t think it’s me.)

Judgemental much?

He sounds a bit like my DD when she was that age. The only toys she really played with were animal figures, and hardly ever wanted to play by herself. She preferred playing with water, sand, cutting things with scissors, quickly went onto art and craft and books, climbing etc like your son. It took until she was around 7 for her to learn to occupy herself but she does now with crafting and an exercise bar in the doorway, perhaps you could try that for DS? The sort that extends across the door frame. We haven't bought any 'toys' for her for a few years now, but she got everything she asked for (mostly crafting stuff).

What a weird comment. We have a wooden one which my DD can play with for hours. Unsure what about a toy that a child enjoys playing with makes it shit, but your house sounds fun!

Could he be neurodiverse? My son didn't play with toys and he has asd.

Well it’s difficult at first, but very very important.

I do understand that and I do try. I often feel I do nothing but clean and tidy and I wish I was exaggerating. Toys aren’t all the problem of course but they are part of it.