To just … not have toys?

[giveupontoys]

Obviously we’ll have to have some, but my DS(4) just doesn’t seem to play with them.

Christmas presents included a toy ice cream van and he just gets everything out and then it ends up discarded and thrown everywhere, so bits get lost and it’s unusable. This is the same as everything we get.

He has a few toy trucks / cars type things but doesn’t really seem to play with them.

I know people will say not to let him or to discipline him but he just ignores us … doesn’t solve anything.

I don’t know what to do really. It kind of seems pointless having toys if they end up unusable but on the other hand he has to have some things.

@giveupontoys do you mean you don't how to play?
Cars - make a cardboard ramp and race the cars. See who can make their car jump furthest. Line other cars up to have one jump over.
Trains - say "Right what does the town need? Lets build it" and build a track route that goes to the station, around the "forest" (toy trees or ones made from cardboard), up the bridge and down the bridge etc.

Emptying over the floor seems quite normal. Can't you just let it be and clear up at the end of the day?

Lol Mumsnet, never change.

The ice-cream set is one of the most played with things in our house, every new child makes a beeline for it. It may be brightly coloured plastic, but the way they play with it is proper open-ended, Montessori style shit. Very similar in that way to the play kitchen, only if anything it gets more use.

OP, get him whatever he'll actually play with plus a little to nudge him out of his comfort zone a little. My kids adore toys but my DNs were like yours and never really into them. They're all lovely teens now.

If he really likes physical play, then roll with that. Indoor climbing equipment, wobble board, crash mat etc. Stuff like playdoh and kinetic sand too.
You should let him make mess though, and get him to help tidy up when he's done. Making the mess is him playing.

I really really hear you, as DS1 is very similar. But you have to alter your expectations of ‘play’. For some kids, tipping things out, throwing things, making a mess etc is play.

Do you play with him with the toys? Some young children need someone with them to start playing with toys. I don't know many who would just start playing with something like an I've cream cart without someone to play with to serve ice cream to or to be the seller. Many children just need to be taught how to play with toys

One of my siblings rarely played with toys as a child but he definitely engaged in imaginative play. Children really need to play, it's crucial to their development. It doesn't have to be with toys, though.

I think the problem with mess is that it quickly gets out of control so that no one can play with anything because it’s al messed up. One thing he did actually play with was a toy tool set but all the bits just got lost and it’s a shame.

How old is the sibling? You mention them playing nicely.

My youngest was never much into toys, they prefer craft and things that involve adult interaction such as playing board games. At that age orchard games do lots of games for children.
My oldest however was much more curious about toys and would initiative games with his sister.

P.S the ice cream cart was one of their favourites toys and they loved pretending to serve us ice cream. Likewise the toy kitchen was a hit.

It's probably developmental! There is power in making something empty, if you think about it. That might be the 'play' right now. Maybe you can get some boxes with stuff in for that purpose. With different types of lids. Just put kitchen items in them or whatever. There's plenty of time for 'real' toys when he is interested. Eg Lego is quite grown up really.

Agree with all this.

Also lean into the tipping if that's what he does. Water play and pouring games? Sensory play with dry rice and macaroni? (Unless he's also a thrower.) Throwing bean bags into a basket down the stairs? Sand pit?

It’s a wooden Melissa and Doug one - no idea why it attracted ire!

Maybe your lack of confidence playing with him is the issue? He obviously wants to interact with you, so throwing them everywhere so you suddenly get hyper and try to clear them up, is his way of getting you to engage.

My children are older now but when they were young they would be a lot better at playing with this kind of toy when they were playing with another child (not each other because they're not close in age). I must admit that although I did play with them I couldn't keep up playing with this kind of toy for long because as an adult it was very boring. I did sit with them and make things out of Lego or Geomag, or draw with them, or play board games.
We've bought a lot of toys in the past that haven't been played with that much because they think that want it and it will be exciting, when in actual reality, it isn't, at least not to them.

Reminds me of Timmy, the spoilt *** from the Viz magazine! So yes, no toys at all and be firm. When you see that he starts begging toys off friends, then it is time to drag old toys from the attic and give it to him.

What about if you pretend with him?

a dr or vet set? A pretend coffee machine or wooden cake? What about musical instruments, play dog and jigsaws.

Maybe try rotating toys around - I case he’s a bit overwhelmed ? Then just leave a few out? maybe try ones that link together ? Try and work out what sort he seems to like - construction/ colouring/ hammering types…
I used to have a standard game I’d make a zoo park with dinosaurs and animals and dolls whatever we had in different areas of the bedrooms and then drive toy cars round looking at them all in their paddocks and pretending one had escaped 😂 It was a bit dull but my daughter still remembers it!!
Not sure ever played that well on her own at that age with toys - but she grew into it once friends came around. Definitely think that having too many can be overwhelming for them.

I’m not sure he does to be honest. If I try to play with him he does seem a bit confused! But also I agree I feel strangely self conscious and I think we confuse one another. Then the inevitable tipping everything out happens.

I do get him out and about a lot and I do try, honestly, but I find him a bit difficult cooped up.

Children need to have play modelled to them.
Do you play alongside him (so playing your own game) so that he sees how to play with each new toy?

My daughter never played with toys. I basically gave everything away new. She loved emptying and pouring things so we mostly did stuff in a tuff spot all day every day. Rice, sand, flour, water, you name it. Various kitchen objects to use on different days. She also only really loved those baskets full of household objects when she was younger too, I forget their name, full of wooden spoons, colanders and the like. She's the same at 12, sets full of clay beads, microscopes, polymer clay never touched.

Also don't feel bad about not knowing how to play yourself. I can initiate a few things but I quickly run out of ideas and find it hard to sustain interest for long, partly because I don't enjoy my child's style of play which is very repetitive. I'm very envious of parents who have imaginative kids and who are imaginative themselves and can keep going for an hour.

Do you watch Bluey? There are some lovely examples of play there.

This is an interesting thread because I was looking at the (very generous) presents that my DS(5) received and what was noticeable was that there were hardly any 'toys' included other than a cuddly toy of a robin which he had asked for. The rest of his presents are books, puzzles, board games, robotics kits. Which are all brilliant but not in the imaginative toy category. I did wonder if we'd missed a trick but I genuinely can't think of any toys that he would want. Give him a maths activity book any day! At school, they're allowed to bring a toy in on a Friday afternoon and he's never wanted to because he'd much rather use the time for colouring with felt tips (it's the only time of the week they're allowed them).

It sounds like you just haven't found the right kind of toys for him yet. Have you taken him toy shopping? The Early Learning Centre is great, if there's one near you.

Toys are developmentally good for children.

They develop gross motor skills from having trampolines either a big one outside or a little one inside. They can have little tykes cars that they can push and balance bikes that help them learn how to balance and to ride a bike.

They develop fine motor skills (small movements) from things like play doh, duplo, outdoor sandpit play - digging and making with buckets - and outdoor (or indoor if you can stand it) water play with watering cans and buckets.

Imaginative play also helps children understand social situations - a toy kitchen where they can play at making food or pretend to run a restaurant helps them make sense of the world.

You should have toys for him,

Does he have siblings to play with?

You're so cool I wish I was you.