Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

@MumWifeOther being a working mum isn’t all doom and gloom you know. I’d be bored stiff at home and I would absolutely hate to have to rely on a man for money. the thoughts of it makes my skin crawl actually. Both my parents worked when I was a child also.

But she's not a mum

That’s up to you and it’s great that you’re happy. I prefer being a stay at home
mum and while ive had brief stints working, it really brings me zero fulfilment long term.

Yes but your message implies but parents working leads to huge stress and couples splitting up. My parents both worked and are together over 40 years..there is nothing wrong with having a career as a woman I worked hard for my degree and career and I work yes but I’ve been around for all my dcs milestones. That’s great that you are happy though I’m really glad for you.

I think you'd find you weren't very employable.
Hopefully for you the need to work won't arise.

Not at all, I should have said it can sometimes (I think I did but maybe it didn’t!). I do think there’s huge pressure on women to do it all, and without the right support, it can really add so much of a strain. Also, for me personally, I believe kids are better off with a parent during the early years if possible and it’s so important to have a parent dropping off / picking up from school, and being present at home and during the holidays. Ultimately, it’s different for everyone and that’s fine.

Ok 😅

How come it’s always about women “doing it all” never men. I really think this mentality needs to change. It’s so old fashioned.

@MumWifeOther ”I believe kids are better off with a parent”

just because my child wasn’t glued to me 24/7 during the early years doesn’t mean children of stay at home mothers are “better off”. My child liked the socialising of part time Creche and I don’t think it does children any harm at all. in fact I believe it does them good. For the record my dh would have supported me not to work if I wished but I would never chose not to work.

i think it’s so important for children to see that women can work and that women’s careers are just as important as men’s. Plus I wouldn’t know what to be at when they were at school… so boring !

This. 🤷‍♀️

Because men aren’t nurturers by design.

“elfshenanigans · Yesterday 16:56
totally unreasonable in the absence of DC. I can understand why DH wouldn't want to fund this lifestyle choice. You are two adults. there should be plenty of time to take care of cooking and cleaning. How would you think you'd manage with DC. Also, have you considered the long term impact on career, pensions etc?”

This with bells on.

Predominantly on mn not in real life there’s an ideology of trad wife and martyr who gives up things (career, financial autonomy) to prove how committed and devoted she is to being a housewife. Married to a titan of corporate world who earns £six figures but cannot keep on top of mundane admin or chores. Step up the trad wife who will list routine tasks as if they’re complex and onerous to justify why she can’t work. Ever

That’s your opinion and you are entitled to it. But I would never agree that children are better off at a crèche or a nursery, than home with a parent and there are many studies that support this.

I think it’s important for children to see a healthy family dynamic, a stress free home as much as possible, to eat dinner together and have a parent collect them from school. I would hate to have to juggle or stress about childcare in the holidays or for my children to feel like a burden.

and honestly, my days are so full with them at school. I blink and it’s 3pm! I do as much as I can in the day so that when they come home I can be as present as possible as I miss them so much when they’re at school. I also really value having the quiet time without having to talk to anyone unless I choose to see someone! I also get my walks in and time for myself which means I never resent the weekends being totally child-centred.

This is what I believe to optimal and I am grateful for every that we get to live this way 🙏🏽

this is what society brainwashes women to think. Lots of women are not nurturing and plenty of men are.

I believe it’s the other way round and society is brain washing us to down play our natural instincts 🤷🏽‍♀️

@MumWifeOther I eat dinner with my family every evening, my child is not a burden at all. what makes you think that women who work and pay for childcare think of their children as burdens ? And not all jobs are stressful.

It doesn’t really sound like you’ve had a steady career or much experience to know this.

That’s simply not true. There’s no physiological or neurological difference or design that renders men less able

social pressure drive such statements - that’s ideology not design

I haven’t because I don’t want a a career! I want to be with my children and be of service to my family for as long as possible. I have zero interest in working for someone else to benefit them and their life. I would much rather support my husband to become successful and take care of us all.

So in the animal kingdom when the female nurture the offspring that’s societal pressure?!

Op has no children, she wants to faff and wants him to pay. Understandably he’s not happy

You didn’t answer my question about children of working mothers being a burden.

He’s not happy, but there are plenty of men who would be with this set up - my husband was. Happy wife, happy life!

Are you seriously making a like for like comparison human adult female nurturing compared to generic animal kingdom
what’s your sample size? Who are the participants

I don’t owe it to you to answer questions. I can’t say what working mothers feel. I can only talk about my life and my opinions, and I would hate my kids to see my juggle their care and feel a burden.