Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

But maybe her husband doesn't want her to stay home and cook from scratch while he carries the financial burden indefinitely? And can you blame him?

There's also nothing in the OP that says she wants kids or that she's even able to have them, so comments about her "carrying children in her body" are totally irrelevant.

Maybe but OP also wanting to drop to part time so she can clean and make healthy dishes from scratch is entitled and ridiculous.

These are the women who get screwed so bad if the relationship fails because they are so dependent on their husbands financially.

The best advice my mother (now in her 80’s) was ‘never be financially dependent on a man’.

If you went PT - your pension would be affected.

If you ever split up you would be severely disadvantaged.

Stay independent.

No. There is nothing in the OP's posts that says how the housework is currently divided, let alone that she's already 'doing the lion share'.

Btw,I work full time and cook from scratch. You don’t need to devote yourself full time to food prep like a martyr

I made the assumption that that's the plan, fair enough

But if she does, a man who is uninterested in providing now will be uninterested in providing then, sorry to say it, the risk is high he'll be forcing her straight back after her mat leave

Op deserves better

It's completely relevant - the kind of husband he is now isn't going to be massively different to the husband he is once kids are involved

If he doesn't like her staying home now (part time, for her health and wellbeing and for their home) he won't like it when she has kids and needs time to recover and raise their babies

I went back to work after mat leave. What’s wrong with that ?

Deserve? No woman deserves to be financially kept. In fact we should eschew that dependency
No woman deserves to be financially kept as it implies dependency

Forcing her back? FGS - It's normal to work.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay if my DH decided he wanted to work part time to "cook meals from scratch" I'd tell him he was taking the fucking piss, quite frankly.

Being supported to stay home and raise children is very different to being supported to stay home to faff about doing whatever you please.

There are many men who would support their wives working part time (or not at all) even before having kids if they could afford it. If the woman is happy to not work and spend her time cleaning, cooking and actually having some time for herself to do as she pleases, this can help contribute towards a more successful career for the man which benefits both. Many people have this set up and for many it’s a much less stressful way of life for both partners. Most men will tell you the thing they value the most is PEACE. The key is that BOTH partners are happy with this arrangement and that no one considers the woman to be a financial burden but actually a supportive partner. Yes, some women may get screwed over in this position so it’s imperative to be upfront and have things in place to ensure this doesn’t happen should the marriage fail. This is achieved with communication from the start. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s the wonderful things about 2024. Many ways to do it, no one should judge what makes another happy if they’re not hurting anyone.

Does your DH pull his weight with housework and cooking?

I think it's odd that you want to give up paid work in order to do more unpaid work.

Are many women equally happy to support their husbands to work part time before they have children? If not, why not? Answers on a postcard, please.

She's saying she doesn't feel so good and thinks she will feel better by being at home. And tbh, a stay at home mum would potentially be at home for at least 18 years, or would potentially never return to work. If he is unhappy at being the provider now, that won't change

Would you support your husband if he wanted to be a stay at home dad?

It's normal to do either tbh - not every woman wants to be a working mum and that's okay

Some women prefer to be a working parent, and that's equally okay

There's no normal when it comes to this

I think you’ll find it is the statistical norm to work. There is very much a norm when it come to this
To suggest otherwise is obtuse

Maybe, but not in my case, because I actually like cooking, cleaning and looking after my husband and the children. My husband likes being with the children, but being the fun parent not necessarily the one who remembers all the details, and he’s hates cooking and cleaning, though he does the washing up, takes the bins out and puts the petrol in. We’re happy this way and he was happy for me to give up work when we were engaged as I wasn’t interested in a career.

Feel free to share the statistics but it's very normal for women not to work after having children and very okay

Feel free to look up ONS the statistics from the government. Most mothers work. Fact

Big difference between being going part time/staying at home to raise kids and staying home to cook meals from scratch, if you can’t see that you need to give your head a shake😂

Don't give up full time. If the house chores/cooking etc is too much outsource and pay half each.

I was responding to your post stating that many men are happy for their wives to work part time or not at all even if they don’t have children. So my question was are many women just as happy to support their husbands financially when there are no children?

I wasn’t asking about your personal situation at all.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay no, I wouldn't - I would expect us both to work and contribute equally in terms of finances and care 🤷‍♀️

I also wouldn't be supporting any able bodied adult to faff about cooking from bloody scratch while I went out and worked a full time job, that's for sure.

Okay. Well lots of mothers don't work and it's a very respectable and fine choice