Husband doesn’t want me working part time even though we can afford it

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

DH and I don’t have children yet. He makes a good salary working full time, and it’s possible for us to live from his salary but I work full time and contribute too.

I would really like to work part time as I want more time to properly clean the house, and spend time making healthy meals for us from scratch. On the weekends I don’t feel like I have enough time to properly rest too. I get tired quite easily and I’m honestly so exhausted from my work, on top of a few hours commute everyday. My DH is pretty energetic so doesn’t have this issue.

I’ve spoken about this to DH and he’s told me that he wants to send me abroad to a country where people work 11 hours a day 6 days a week to see what tired really looks like(then later claims he was joking). So I don’t have much understanding from him!

Am I being unreasonable to want to work part time?

@MumWifeOther you’re presenting your opinion as fact. Belief presented as evidence. You’ve got a few ill thought out quips. You said you don’t care for empirical data or methodology . You have this opinion and no factual interruption will change your mind

Yes I’m telling you my opinion, that’s all. To me I suppose nature is as factual as it gets. You don’t have to agree.

And so instead you’ve got a lifestyle that is entirely dependent on another adult. I am truly thankful that you are in the minority in your not only ignorant but also very narrow minded beliefs and that your views are not reflective of the society my daughter is growing up in.

You do realise I was brought up in the same
society as your daughter with a working parent and still grew up to become “entirely dependent” on another adult? Don’t be so sure your daughter won’t follow suit. If she does, I hope she’s as happy as I am 😄

Have your opinion just don’t definitively present it as fact. You’re factually incorrect

I saw my friends mum having to ask her dad for money every time she wanted to buy something in the 90s .
i just thought gosh I’d hate that lifestyle, I want a care like my own mum. Both my parents had careers when I was a child and I was proud of them. I still am and I never felt like a burden growing up.

I don’t ask my husband for permission to buy things? He pays the bills and everything else goes into a joint account that we have equal
access to. I would hate to have to ask for money too.

@MumWifeOther i don’t care what you and your husband do with your finances frankly.

Yet you say no man can ever be as good a parent as a woman?

Really? You're aware that there are neglectful mothers, yes? Look at this website and read all the posts by women who were abused, beaten, ignored or just treated badly by their own mothers. Yet all those are automatically better than any father? What a load of shite!

No daughter of mine will be raised as ignorant and narrow minded as you.

Exactly this. Simply having a vagina does not make you a great parent.

Naive maybe. Nobody thinks it will happen to them sadly. One party who holds the financial reins hold all of the power and they can use it when they want. Usually when their wives reach their advancing years, kids are up and left with no pension

I thought I'd step in on the 'mothers are natural nurturers' arguments and share some random facts I learnt from an old housemate who was studying zoology and undertook her PhD on the topic of gender equity in the animal kingdom (was a long but interesting read).

In many canine species, the males take an equal share of the nurturing and teaching responsible as the mother, often only handing them back to be nursed.
In a number of monkey species (I think the tamarind and some others) baby monkeys basically live on their fathers backs and are almost entirely looked after by the males of the species.
Many big cat species also have a male nurture system, focused on care while the females go hunting - absolute opposite of what we think of as traditional.
Almost everyone knows that penguin eggs and babies are nurtured by the males - though I suppose not quite the same! That being said if you look outside of mammals many birds and sea creatures also have a male-dominant care system for their young.

Anyway, point is that women are not the exclusive natural care givers in dozens of species inc our own. I read an interesting article recently that said in hunter gatherer societies - about 95% of human existence - most duties would have been equally shared, based on skill. A good female hunter would be put to use where she was needed. And older men not physically able to keep up would have been carers protecting and teaching the young.

If you like cooking and stuff, and you're with a partner who is happy for you to just potter about, then by all means go for it. But you can't make up spurious claims about it being the natural order - it's nonsense.

You are silly. There are abusive fathers, uncles, aunties, grandparents, teachers….

My belief is: a good mother trying her best, is absolutely the best option for a child. A good father is equally wonderful, but a mother naturally will edge it (if they are both good parent) do to her mothering instincts and natural bond with her child - that no one else could ever emulate

This 100 percent. Lots of men are actually the better parent in a couple.

Obviously not but birthing one out of yours, if you’re a good person AND trying your best, makes you the best choice for your child.

How do you know how I was raised? Ignorant and silly of you to assume.

There are lots of ifs and buts in your argument here .

I really don’t know what’s so hard for people to understand or respect.

To make it as clear as possible - it is my opinion, that children are best off with their mothers doing the majority of the child rearing and to be home with the child in the early years IF she’s a good person and trying her best. I believe this would better for the child than a father or anyone else who is equally a good person also trying their best simply because mother and child have an innate natural bond that cannot be replicated. This is the optimal way in my opinion.

What’s so radical or controversial about that!? (Don’t answer, it’s a rhetorical question. I get we don’t agree and that’s fine)

I’m a good person and trying my best but my best includes me working full time.

I’d be utterly miserable as a SAHM and don’t see how that would be best for my children.

Tbh I think this type of thinking is your way of justifying your existence and lifestyle pottering about at home with school aged children.

That’s great for you, if you read my earlier posts you will see I say the good thing about 2024 is that there are many ways to do things.

I didn’t enjoy working and love being SAHM. It suits our dynamic.

Ultimately it’s up to each family how they do things, but I do always believe the best place for a small child is with a (good / happy) mother.

No offence to you but I have tired of repeating myself so many times on this post now and have tried to explain as best I can 🙏🏽

😱 not a WORKING MUM!

If I was going to go part time it would be to do something more interesting than clean the house more thoroughly....I'd rather work full time and be able to afford a cleaner and then be able to spend my off-time relaxing and doing nice things.

Why does it bother you so much if I’m happy, my husband is happy and my kids are happy? Why would it bother you if your daughter was also happy this way? I’m educated. I have assets and plan B’s. I have a traditional mindset granted, but what’s so bad about that!? Honestly, I think you are getting overly het up about this.