Anyone else feel like an absolute slave today...Christmas day

[Whatslife]

Made breakfast, Xmas lunch, dinner, got kids to bed, tidied up, washed up. All whilst he laid on the sofa. And he's been short tempered and grumpy with the kids all day. I'd already decorated all the house, wrapped all the presents, booked all the Christmas stuff and organised school/club presents/outfits etc.

Now he's gone to bed early as 'he didn't get to watch what he wanted on TV'.

He sounds awful. Does he bring anything positive to your life?

I am absolutely knackered! Did all the same as you - difference is my dp shared the load.

You deserve better. He sounds absolutely awful.

Tell him tomorrow how you feel calmly, if he’s an arse about it make New Year’s resolution and get rid!!

x

Is he your kids’ father?
Or just a boyfriend?

I struggle to think of any :-(

I just feel like such a mug. Washing up everything after getting the kids to bed really felt like a kick in the teeth after he'd been laid on the sofa watching TV. Lunch served to him...

Do you have to ask your DP to do stuff or does he just help?

He's there dad. Something's got to happen in the new year. It's not healthy for any of us living with someone like this.

Yes. Done exactly what you have minus the lazy sod on the sofa as I'm a single parent.
Sounds like it wouldn't make much difference if he wasn't there?

He sounds like a waste of space tbh

I’m a single mum. Asked the kids what they wanted for dinner and the eldest volunteered to make it. We all bought and wrapped each other lovely gifts and shared the load re prep and washing up etc.

They’ve learned that this is how to behave because I divorced their dad when he exhibited unfair expectations while not stepping up himself. Set the right example for them by not tolerating this shit.

Why are you serving him lunch when the lazy prick has lain on the sofa all day?

LTB.

Op, I think at a point you need to put in place the boundaries that will give you the life and partner you want. So tomorrow when things are less hectic and you're less overwhelmed and exhausted, I'd try to get time just the two of you and I'd ask him what he thinks your role is in the home and what he thinks his role is in the home. I'd point out that you expect nothing less than a partner who does their equal share of the load and who doesn't need to be nagged to do it and who does it because they know its their job as a partner and a team mate to take on 50% of everything. So either he starts taking on his 50% or he'll be out on his ear because you're done taking on his responsibilities as well as your own. I'd set a deadline in your mind that you feel is reasonable and if he steps up then great, if he doesn't then you need to be ready to follow through.

What you allow will continue.

Yeah this sounds awful, I couldn't put up with it. DH did a massive fry up for me and our 3 kids (well 2, ones a baby). He did most the wrapping last night, got me amazing gifts, cooked the veg (perfectly), got the older two ready for and in bed while fed the baby, came down and he's clearing up all the mess. Don't settle for that crap. There's men out there who want to help and do it without having to be told.

That would piss me off, he sounds like a useless prat. I hosted 10, had my dh and 2 sons constantly asking is I wanted them to do anything.

Me dh toddler and baby. Dh did most of the wrapping the last 2 nights (we took turns while holding the ill baby who only really wants me). I do do all night wakes with the baby (Bf) and I’ve been sleeping rubbish so I was awake hours before everyone with the baby but when toddler woke I woke dh and he changed baby. Dh cooked us all a fry up. He tidied up while I went a walk in the afternoon with kids and my mum then he went and picked up our takeaway, we tidied kitchen/picked up wrapping paper together and tonight was my turn for toddlers bedtime (we take it night about). Sorry OP, get rid!

I am a lot older than you,different generation and can honestly say that my husband is a dinosaur…but he has always got completely involved in looking after the children, cooking and housework. Yes not very imaginative at Christmas, but did wrapping,clearing up and anything that I asked him to do ! What does he offer that is positive too your relationship?

So many posts from women this time of year running around doing everything while their partner lays around like a lazy sod and does fuck all. Do you wipe his arse for him too?

Stop doing everything, and tell him to shape up or ship out- otherwise you’d be no worse off a single mum.

Are you a slave or a martyr? Get rid. My husband is cleaning the kitchen now while I finish tidying the living room after we’ve both cooked and played with the kids, planned presents together and generally did all the Xmas admin as a couple.

Why on earth are you doing that? I did the meals today and it was exhausting. Dh and my Dad did all the washing up, and there was a lot. It’s just a naturally fair split of work. None of us would feel good sitting on our arses while one of toiled away.

I've out YABU because you shouldn't be putting up with that. I left mine 10 months ago and never been happier

I told DH I'd love to have his life today, having a wife who does EVERYTHING for him without him even having to think to ask. Think that hit him hard...

It's true though, imagine if the roles were reversed and lazy wives thought it was okay to sit and watch tv all day while husband raced around. My DH is nowhere near as bad, only a little bit of sitting about while I did stuff but that was enough for me! I'm obviously not saying this is all men but there have been a lot of threads today of women wondering why their men haven't lifted a finger... I somehow can't see a parallel "dad's net" with the same volume of similar parallel posts...

L
T
B

Actually no.

yes, mostly the same, but he cooks because i can't.. ( translated i can, but he won't let me) add nassisiatic mother and enough alcohol to fell a small rhino = best chrsitmas ever..... not.