Anyone else feel like an absolute slave today...Christmas day

[Whatslife]

Made breakfast, Xmas lunch, dinner, got kids to bed, tidied up, washed up. All whilst he laid on the sofa. And he's been short tempered and grumpy with the kids all day. I'd already decorated all the house, wrapped all the presents, booked all the Christmas stuff and organised school/club presents/outfits etc.

Now he's gone to bed early as 'he didn't get to watch what he wanted on TV'.

Yes but I am a lone parent so expected, still feel resentful about it though I was genuinely wondering earlier how any single parent actually enjoy Christmas just cooking and cleaning all day relentless

Agree! I find it ridiculous that will all the modem day slavery and trafficking to the same end people are making references to this. I never hear anybody who states how offensive people are. Also, being concerned about what is happening now. I wonder is they are aware that they will be judged as much from future generations.

As for the OP your husband is very disrespectful and shouldn’t behave like that. You shouldn’t be expected to do everything yourself. You are the only one who can change that. Start by teaching your kids not to take you for granted since they are little. Plus, just reflect if you deserve a husband like that. Is he always this macho man expecting the wife to do everything? Is he is the only one working and bringing money to feels wrongly entitled to be served?

Normal partners do it together!! They don't 'help'.

Time to make a change. January is busy for divorce lawyers but you can make a start.

Next year, choose what you want to eat. Take every possible short cut. Use disposable trays etc for veg if you still want a roast.

reusable gift bags instead of wrapping paper.

Get kids to help.

My DH cooks the whole Christmas lunch, has done for our entire marriage. I set the table, tidy up the mess from the presents, help the kids get their new stuff unpackaged/put together, and keep them entertained and out of Dad’s way while he creates his yearly masterpiece. Occasionally he’ll call me into the kitchen to assist with something, but other than that, I get a more relaxed Christmas than many women do and I’m thankful for that.

OP, start thinking about what you want your next Christmas to look like. If it’s just you and the kids, then it will still be loads of work, but probably far more joyful for you all. You now have a year to make this happen, if it’s what you want. Good luck.

No I didn’t feel like you and I’m sorry that you did

Firstly - am not boasting and i’m not being smug - but we had a lovely day as we worked together as a team,

In our house we play to our skill sets - so yes I did nearly all the wrapping (except he wrapped up my presents) decorating , card writing , buying stocking bits . I made the Christmas cake as I like baking.

he ordered, shopped and did all the prep and cooked all the food drink and nibbles . He bought the ‘big’ presents for the kids.

together we tidied up and cleaned a bit before Christmas

Christmas day just flowed beautifully as we work as a team and have no drama or stress as we help each other. I offered to help him cook but he prefers to do it alone so I kept on top of all the rubbish from presents going into the recycling and helped the kids to take some of their bits they received up to their rooms etc so you aren’t tripping over piles of thingsin the front room.

I even had an hour nap in mid afternoon as I was really fatigued (chronic pain issues) - he didn’t mind as he knew that a rest would give me second wind for the afternoon and evening board games etc.

It shouldn’t be 1 person doing everything - even the kids pitched in and helped a bit with tidying up the wrapping paper and the eldest teen took the dog for a walk for us late afternoon.

hope you can find a way to share the workload out more in the future - as it’s possible for Christmas to be really lovely and stress free when everyone in the household contributes towards making it a special day.

it’s not one person’s job to run around after everyone else and it’s so nice when everyone pulls together to make it a great day.

To be blunt, he doesn't love kr care about you So are you going to carry on being a slave when you don't have to be?
If you do go it alone, get your dc pitching in from the get go so you don't end up slaving over them in upcoming Christmases.

What would happen if you went mad & told him how lazy he is? That's a disgusting way to behave.

Yes there is a history of emotional abuse too. The icing on the cake was making my son cry during Xmas lunch yesterday when he threatened to throw his new toy in the bin because he didn't want to stop playing with it.

I have had conversations like this in the past and he says he does enough but I do feel maybe one more last ditch attempt is due. However I'm off to see my DM today who's really poorly in hospital. He's not exactly thrilled to be left with the kids! So may have to leave until another day.

He sounds useless but you are enabling it ! I just wouldn't stand for a partner like that they are meant to make your life easier / better / more fulfilling not worse
Chances are you'd feel a lot better doing all the above still but being single

Would you want your kids to be in a marriage like this when they are older if not you need to set a better example. Just think how happier you could be

Thank you everyone. I feel like I don't know what a healthy relationship should look like. And that men that help are very rare so this is the norm. I'm not sure if this is true either.

He sounds lazy tbh. Don't be hesitant in telling him what he must do and when to do it. If he then doesn't step up you may think about what he brings to your life.

WTF did you do? 🤣🤣

Only kidding

Sort of

Also a lot of people would find the metaphor of being a slave / “slaving away’ offensive. You might not agree or think they are being over sensitive, but don’t dismiss that PP as an idiot and whatever else they were called.

We have a rule that whoever cooks doesn’t lift a finger after the meal. Every day, not just Christmas.

So yes, DH and the DC who didn’t help me cook did the whole thing - dishwasher (x2), washing up, wiping surfaces, cleaning stove etc.

Mine did nothing all da6 while I fed his family. But he's got flu, is rotten with it, and we'd both done the shopping, he'd tidied the house before he came down with it. His family pitched in to help cook so it was a team effort. I'd he'd been well he'd have done most of the cooking.

Everyone helped tidy up, sorted drinks.

It was lovely.

Dh is awful when sick but the rest of the time it's a team effort.

I couldn't be bothered with any other way.

Sorry you've been run ragged . Make today all about you. Do nothing , accept for your children . Have a long bath , get dressed up , or wear pjs all day , whichever you feel like doing and chill out .
My dh Is useless about present buying & card giving ( we now don't bother for each other ) but he did more of the lunch than me , and I haven't made a cup of tea / coffee all week as he is off from work and is making them .

It's really not rare. None of my friends would put up with that shit.

DH and I both work. I do slightly fewer hours (6 fewer per week)
He bought virtually all of the Christmas presents for the children. We discussed what to buy and had a joint list, but he did most of the actual choosing and buying. We sat down one evening and wrapped them all together. He bought all presents for his family with zero input from me.
We each found a different Christmas activity to book and organise.
Food is my chore, I did all the shopping and cooking. He did all of the clearing away and washing up.
I do laundry for me and the children. He does his own.
He does a lot more tidying than I do.
We try and keep things fairly equal.

Just stop doing it all OP. Talk to him about how divide chores in a fair way and then just stop doing everything. He's an adult, you aren't his mum.

I would rather be a single mum than feel like a slave for a man on a sofa.

Why isn’t he thrilled to be left with the kids? He’s their parent too?

Honestly start making plans to leave OP. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Basically yes. The one time he'll empty the dishwasher a week he's basically like a stroppy teenager 'why do I have to do this, fucking this, fucking that'.

I am working and also doing all the childcare. Basically if I'm not working I am looking after the children. He's just basically kept the same mindset from when I was on maternity. Regularly tries to get me to give up work 'would be better for the family' 'we don't need the money'. We do we really do. We couldn't even pay the mortgage on his wages.

I just can't get over the mental block to leave. In my head a family stays together no matter what.

The pp got called names @GuineaPigWig because too often MRA try and derail any thread that complains about men. Op, your DH let you do everything, looking after his own DC is not doing you a favour, when you've seen your DM take some time out for you, don't rush home