Emetophobia - gonna get flamed...

[Dunnoburt]

Myself, partner and 8 year old have my parents over in their 70s for Christmas..... my mum has been sick 4 times in the last 3 hours, once over herself (and she's so fucking passive that she didn't even tell me she had put clothes and cleaning up paper in the bin ...😫) .....I have crippling and I mean crippling emetophobia.......why does nobody understand that I now can't touch anything.... I'm terrified... I've been told to calm the fuck down, shut the fuck up, grow up, in a logical brain, yes.....absolutely..... but I can't help it.....I CANNOT HELP IT.....all I can now think about is everything that has been touched, transferred etc and that everyone is going to catch it...... And all I really want to do is give my mum a fucking cuddle and make sure she's OK because feeling sick is just the fucking worst......she won't tell.me the truth because she's the only one who actually takes my phobia seriously....hence the hiding in the bin etc. It's definitely a bug as she doesn't drink and has eaten everything we all have today...........give my fucking head a wobble mumsnet. Just wish I didn't have this fucking phobia....its like a chain around my neck.

That's what happens to me, gurgly air bubbles constantly and as the day goes on I start to feel like my throat is getting tighter. Sometimes it's accompanied by the sensation of something pressing against my diaphragm (which I assume is related to my stomach being so full of air) and I end up with the hiccups.

I've had hyperemesis gravidarum. Yes it fucking happens. And seen relatives on chemo experience this. In neither case was alcohol involved.

I've also been sick outside of pregnancy with little to no notice. I don't drink. It happens.

And anyway, what good is being cruel to someone who's poorly? What the fuck do you get out of that?

I remember a poor doctor one nightshift coming down with a sickness bug very suddenly, he was sick down himself on the way to the toilets. He hadn't been drinking alcohol and he definitely knows a thing or two about illness. I felt so awful for him, he spent the rest of the night in the staff loo as felt too poorly to get home

Yep. When viruses like noro hit, there is often very little warning. If in a big building such as a hospital, getting to a bathroom can be a bit of a trek.

I once saw a grown man vomit onto the floor in IKEA. Poor bloke had no chance of getting to a loo 😩

I feel like this thread needs a trigger warning now with some of the newer comments which are quite graphic.

Also concerned because OP has not returned so am hoping she hasn't caught the virus.

I feel the title is a trigger warning. Surely anyone should know on a thread like this there will be discussions of sickness to varying degrees? I mean the OPs first post mentions her mum was sick all over herself.

Sorry, I appreciate and agree that what I wrote is not nice or helpful for an emetophobe to read! I just wanted to emphasise that it wasn't that OP's mother had done anything wrong and I don't think she would have been in that state if she could have helped it.

I'm here.....overwhelmed at the responses, genuinely made me cry, I'm not alone
..... gonna type a nice long reply xx

Great to hear from you OP! Hope you and your family are doing ok xx

It is soooo relieving when you finally realise that you are not alone. We are all in this together!

I had this as a child and all through my teens. I don’t have it now but it was hugely debilitating.

I really feel for you. It’s about loss of control and it’s terrifying.

When my kids were little if they had a tummy bug I would buy them a present. I think half the reason I got better was that I didn’t want to pass this on to them. Hence getting a present if you’d been sick and me being very chilled out about it.
Sorry OP it so hard. X

That’s such a lovely idea. My mum is emet also and I picked up on her disgust whenever I was sick and she’d not come near me for days after I was sick. I’m so scared to have children because of it!

So first off.....for those that "know".....(yeah, I love ellipsis...sorry!)

My mum went to bed, she wasn't sick again, and had toast before they left to go home at 10. Nobody else has been sick. Parents are safely home and apparently well.

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the responses on here! Shameful to admit but I dealt with last night's drama by getting absolutely pissed......I have been too embarrassed to log on this morning to see the replies, glad I did. I never knew how common this phobia was! I started tearing up whilst reading them all and my "dh" asked what was wrong....so I told him....I fucking told him....I read my post and most replies.....and know what he said?...."they should all be MPs... they only know one side of the story"....I asked what he meant and he said, "well you haven't told them what you did and how you reacted just so OTT"... so.... I'm now going to UNSHAMEDLY tell you how I reacted just to prove a point to the turd.

1. I cried

2. I shook 3. I started getting the plastic gloves/dettol out. 4. I asked my dad and my OH to go and check on my mum. 5. I sat in the car for a while. 6. I had a wee in the garden. 7. I questioned over and over and over the whole what, why, where etc.

It was all met with god stop overreacting, fucking grow up etc......

Thank you to every single one of you who has replied, I've read them all and can relate xx

So far, we are all healthy, although I've felt sick all day (placebo I'm sure), just eaten the first meal of the day and going to bed.

Merry Christmas all and thank you xxx

@Dunnoburt I'm relieved that you're okay and glad that your Mum seems to have recovered quickly from whatever caused her sickness.

I think you'll find that we will tell you that your reaction was not OTT. Anyone with this phobia would have acted the same (I did a wee in a bucket in our garage when my DH was sick). Being told to stop overreacting/grow up is unfair and I think you're justified in being upset by that.

As you've seen, there's loads of us suffering this and taking steps to avoid certain situations because of it. It does blight your life but it's good that sharing here has given you the reassurance that you are far from being alone with this struggle.

Look after yourself and keep well xxx

Dear @Dunnoburt‘s husband,

We do get it. She overreacted, because she has a phobia. They aren’t reasonable or rational or particularly controllable responses in the moment; that’s why they’re phobias. I wonder if you’ve ever had a moment where you’ve felt completely overwhelmed or terrified or out of control? If not; then please take a minute to think about how lucky you are.

Either way, your job is to LOVE her. Is that really so hard, to love someone at their most vulnerable? I think you’re the one who should feel ashamed tbh.

Bless you @Dunnoburt you dealt with it as best you could and glad your mum is feeling better. Your husband doesn't sound very supportive though 😟 he needs to read and learn about phobias and extreme anxiety response.

Your husband is being horrible to you. He shouldn’t be talking to you and swearing at you like that? This is a real genuine phobia. I wouldn’t put up with that from a man

I have also wee'd in the garden when a family member has been ill!

It's irrational behaviour (by nature of it being a phobia etc) but it's not bad behaviour, OP. I don't think anyone would truly 'get it' unless they've experienced a phobia but it's a shame he's being so unkind. It sounds like you were able to be kinder to your mum in the moment of utter panic than he has been to you.

Wishing you a better night sleep

Nobody really understands emetophobia unless they suffer from it, so it can be difficult to get the support you need from people around you. My DH is supportive on the most part but he still cracks the odd joke about it.

Weirdly after posting on this yesterday, last night I had D+V for the first time in years. Thankfully it was very short lived and I was fine after a couple of hours. I put my calming spa music on my Bluetooth headband and camped in the bathroom for a few hours. Was mostly D thankfully, although the nausea leading up me finally being sick wasn't pleasant. In fact the nausea was worse than the actual being sick bit. If anything that part was a massive relief and I felt loads better after, so I'm thinking it was just something I ate.

It's done me the world of good actually. Since then even though I feel a bit weak I've bounced back quite quickly, am eating and downstairs watching films with little anxiety. A couple of years ago I'd have been shaking like a leaf and not left my bed for a few days. I was quite calm throughout and I think it's because I just succumbed to it - I knew if my body wanted to throw up, it would throw up and would know how. I didn't fight it, just listened to my spa music and let my body do what it needed to do, and it would pass.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Definitely look at getting some therapy. It's an evil phobia as you never feel like you can ever avoid it. Someone said something about a box of spiders on a previous page - an excellent description IMO.

I could have written this entire post myself, from the formative experiences (including the car pulling up and someone being sick) through to being helped by having three children. This (and the wider health anxiety) has been so hard. I look back with sadness for my younger self for all the time wasted endlessly worrying, and for what?