Emetophobia - gonna get flamed...

[Dunnoburt]

Myself, partner and 8 year old have my parents over in their 70s for Christmas..... my mum has been sick 4 times in the last 3 hours, once over herself (and she's so fucking passive that she didn't even tell me she had put clothes and cleaning up paper in the bin ...😫) .....I have crippling and I mean crippling emetophobia.......why does nobody understand that I now can't touch anything.... I'm terrified... I've been told to calm the fuck down, shut the fuck up, grow up, in a logical brain, yes.....absolutely..... but I can't help it.....I CANNOT HELP IT.....all I can now think about is everything that has been touched, transferred etc and that everyone is going to catch it...... And all I really want to do is give my mum a fucking cuddle and make sure she's OK because feeling sick is just the fucking worst......she won't tell.me the truth because she's the only one who actually takes my phobia seriously....hence the hiding in the bin etc. It's definitely a bug as she doesn't drink and has eaten everything we all have today...........give my fucking head a wobble mumsnet. Just wish I didn't have this fucking phobia....its like a chain around my neck.

Poor you - I completely understand this. I don't know if this will make you feel better, but my middle child was sick four times on Christmas eve from about 10pm, and then miraculously fine in the morning, and no one else came down with anything. My anxiety was so high, though, and my adrenaline kept spiking overnight whenever I heard her cough in her bedroom that I didn't fall asleep for hours so was a wreck on Christmas day.

I just want to add that in understanding your phobia, your mother understands you love her and that you don't want her to be ill. You're not a bad or unloving person for having it - it's a mental health condition that can be very crippling. People telling you to get a grip etc at home aren't being understanding of that.

Your mother understands your phobia. You have your husband and father there. If she has COPD your dad must be used to helping her. Tell them to help her out with sickness as you cannot. You keep the rest of the ship steady. If they kick off again tell them you are fine with cleaning up the blood after you have punched them.
It is not all down to you

Yes, sorry my mistake
just do as @Ilovecakey says with the bleach and anti bac wipes.
You’ll be fine.

Not this again 🙄

It doesn't matter what your phobia is, it's something you didn't ask for and may never ever get rid of even with extensive counselling.

Hypnotherapy may be something you could look into once all the festivities are over.

Just a bit of a tip. If you get some really high alcohol content alcohol wipes that you would find in a first aid kit. If you sniff them when nauseas or takes the nausea away

Severe emetophobe here so lots of sympathy from me.

FYI for fellow emetophobes, susceptibility to n* virus (can’t even type it), heavily depends on your secretor status which is encoded in your DNA. Non-secretors are highly resistant or immune to most strains of the virus, which could potentially stop a lot of worry. You can get kits to do the test specifically, or if you’ve done Ancestry/23andme/whatever you can download your DNA file which will tell you your secretor status, although it’s a bit complicated to find. If anyone would like me to check on their behalf then feel free to PM me. I wouldn’t need to see the whole file, just a specific piece of code.

How is your mum today @Dunnoburt ? And how are you?

I've been emetophobic since I was child and for periods on my life it's been debilitating (forgoing travel as I'm too afraid to be on a plane incase someone is sick, forgoing events and nights out as I'm worried about travel sickness / someone getting too drunk and being sick). My emetophobia also manifests in others being sick and I just have a heightened awareness about it. 9 times out of 10 it doesn't come to fruition but sometimes it does and then it's in my brain. I remember a car pulling up suddenly and someone opening the door and vomiting and now 20 years later I still panic if a car pulls up somewhere suddenly!. My behaviour is dictated by my phobia in so many little ways. I don't go into places with just one exit / entrance if I can help it. I wait outside of the Dr surgery if ever I have an appointment and ask them to call me when I need to come in. I avoid anyone who has been sick, I have got off trains and tubes before my stop if someone looked a bit "peaky". The list is endless really.

I've managed to have 3 DC and my DP always used to deal with the sickness bugs. Although it doesn't always work like that? I do actually find the exposure over 3 DC / 12 years has helped me. And I did have some NHS exposure therapy just before covid.... although it was never completed and I never fully knew the end game (but my sessions took place in a Dr surgery so I was expecting someone to be fake sick in the waiting room or something like that)

I am much better now. Not anywhere near cured but I able to cope in situations that would have previously had me in flight mode (traveling alone with 3 DC for example! In fact I take the children away by myself a few times a year which is something I would have never been able to do a decade ago in case of them was travel sick or ill whilst I was on my own with them)

We had a particularly hard time in the summer with 2 out of 3 children have Norovirus and DP wasn't here. DC2 was sick / trying to be sick every 20 minutes for 8 hours. In the end I was absolutely numb to it!! I do always get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I hear the dreaded "I feel sick" (or any variation there of - tummy ache / even feeling tired or looking pale sets me on edge!!). The anticipation is worse for me.

I also have cleaning rituals and anytime one of the kids has sickness I bleach remote controls, devices, light switches, door handles, keys. Things I am convinced spread the lergie. We've never all come down with the same sickness at the same time touch wood so I keep to my ritual. I actually have a hospital grade cleaning product that kills Noro and CDiff and other nasties as well.

I totally get it. I can help my DC but I still panic with other adults. I'd be an absolute last resort to look after a poorly relative. I'd clean, I'd wash, I'd go out for medicine and supplies but I'd only be with the person if I absolutely had to.

Thanks @Crunchymum , this is massively reassuring to me as a fellow sufferer.

Your first paragraph sounds like me; avoiding public transport, waiting outside at the doctors etc. It does seem extreme to those who don't suffer this and it can be hard to explain because people so often can't accept the difference between a dislike and a true phobia.

It sounds like you've done amazingly well in coping with your kids illnesses while they were young, but that is hopefully something that will become easier as they get older and are more able to look after themselves.

What’s that supposed to mean?

I was going to ask the same thing but this idiot is to be ignored

@FishOnTheTrain I think @mmmarmalade is referring to the fact that these threads pop up every few months. But as someone said, emetophobia is very common so it’s hardly surprising that we discuss it fairly regularly! I appreciate the tips on how to deal with it-I didn’t know that anti-viral laundry additive existed, for example. Thanks for that tip, @WishinAndHopin.

Lots of threads are duplicated on MN it's not particular to emet threads. You didn't need to open the thread and comment @mmmarmalade

A phobia is an irrational fear so that is it is very essence. Those of us with phobias know all to well that it is irrational but that does not mean we can control it.
As for suggestions of therapy from some, well firstly there frequently is no therapy available these days on the nhs and secondly all to often therapy does not help.
You are doing your best OP. That is all any of us can do.

@Crunchymum my phobia started when I was 13 and my experience of it is very similar to yours. It rules my life but it's ruled it for so long that it doesn't even feel like it's ruling it anymore, if that makes sense. It's just who I am.

I'm a bit better than I was. I can go into a GP surgery now but I tend to feel anxious afterwards. If someone I'm with says they feel sick my heart starts pounding and I go into fight or flight. I was once at a restaurant with a friend plus two of his friends who I was meeting for the first time. When one of them got to the table he shook my hand and said nice to meet you, sat down and started talking about how he'd been vomiting the night prior. My heart started racing. I had to excuse myself to scrub my hands, made a panicked phone call to a friend who knew about my phobia, then made a ridiculous excuse and left.

I avoided travelling for years despite having the opportunity to go to SE Asia with a friend, which I would've loved had it not been for the phobia. Things started to improve and I travelled a fair bit in my mid-late twenties, but then on one trip my then bf got ill (actually he was ill before we even set off but didn't tell me ) and had to deal with him v everywhere. I was a total wreck, hyperventilating and practically rattling from all the antiemetics and diazepam I'd taken. Unfortunately a couple of days later I caught whatever it was and v for the first time in 18 years. I didn't actually vomit many times but had a 41C fever, passed out and was taken to hospital. After all that I thought I was cured, but about six months later the fear came back worse than ever.

There's no way I could have children. Fortunately I don't particularly want them.

Interestingly there seems to be a correlation between emetophobia and not being able to burp (retrograde cricopharyngeus dysfunction - google will tell you it's rare but it's not, it's only recently been acknowledged). I've never been able to burp unless I'm retching, and it's painful when it happens. It's physically difficult for me to throw up, much like a burp I can feel it needs to come out but it won't. If it eventually does then it's really painful. It's made me wonder whether this is why the fear started.

How strange you mention about burping @Jaehee as I don't burp. Couldn't tell you the last time and I'm in my mid 40's.

I burp a lot but I'm asthmatic and I think that makes me fear choking/not being able to breathe...

Can I very delicately ask... why was she sick? Does she have noro or another virus, or did she get too drunk over the Christmas lunch?

If the latter, it won't be passing round the house

There are endless threads on it in the noburp subreddit:

https://www.reddit.com/r/noburp/search/?q=emetophobia&cId=ee76faa1-38e3-44f9-bc61-89c89ef2149e&iId=dc1b7a1e-9e2b-44d0-a8ac-82ca54541b8c

I was actually diagnosed with R-CPD by a consultant on the NHS who referred me for treatment (a botox injection in the larynx), but it's all so new that I think there's currently only one doctor in the country who does the procedure and my referral went nowhere.

It says in the original post @LostittoBostik

Wow you're an arsehole.

Maybe her mum is that unwell enough and it just come up and out suddenly? It's happened to me and I've certainly seen it happen to other adults.

Telling someone poorly off for something they really didn't mean to do? Do you also kick puppies and steal sweets from children in your spare time?

I hope you catch norro.

Oh wow, I have never been able to burp unless I am retching! Food/drink repeats on me by sending little annoying air bubbles up, but it never comes out as a proper burp. I have no idea how to burp at all.

I have never ever seen or heard of another adult doing this unless alcohol is involved. Adults know if they feel sick and can take themselves off to the toilet or get a bucket ready. There is no excuse, it never comes on from feeling 100% fine to vomiting all over yourself. It just doesn't.

It is unusual but maybe it happened quite quick and the bathroom was a bit further away? She’s quite elderly so might not be moving that fast.

I was on a train abroad once and a feeling of sickness came upon me so suddenly while I was chatting with another passenger. I genuinely hadn’t noticed it before.

I sped walk down the aisle to the toilet and as soon as I entered the (projectile) vomit came out everywhere. I had to find a guard afterwards and ask him to lock it until it could be cleaned. But the point is I was 25 and fit so could get to the toilet fast, if I’d been two seconds slower I’d probably have been sick all over myself too 😯