Emetophobia - gonna get flamed...

[Dunnoburt]

Myself, partner and 8 year old have my parents over in their 70s for Christmas..... my mum has been sick 4 times in the last 3 hours, once over herself (and she's so fucking passive that she didn't even tell me she had put clothes and cleaning up paper in the bin ...😫) .....I have crippling and I mean crippling emetophobia.......why does nobody understand that I now can't touch anything.... I'm terrified... I've been told to calm the fuck down, shut the fuck up, grow up, in a logical brain, yes.....absolutely..... but I can't help it.....I CANNOT HELP IT.....all I can now think about is everything that has been touched, transferred etc and that everyone is going to catch it...... And all I really want to do is give my mum a fucking cuddle and make sure she's OK because feeling sick is just the fucking worst......she won't tell.me the truth because she's the only one who actually takes my phobia seriously....hence the hiding in the bin etc. It's definitely a bug as she doesn't drink and has eaten everything we all have today...........give my fucking head a wobble mumsnet. Just wish I didn't have this fucking phobia....its like a chain around my neck.

Thankyou xxx

@Hertzdonut Logically you’re right, but if it sends someone into a panic attack, for example, it’s extremely hard to control it.

I’ll remove myself from the situation if I can. If I can’t, I’ll cover my head and try to avoid looking at the person. I’ll also useAirPods/play music if possible.

Strangely, I can deal with the cleaning up, I just can’t witness someone being sick.

Sympathy OP. I grew up with DSIS having this phobia. It ruled her life.

Unfortunately now my teen has it as well and has done since she was around 7 due to a traumatic car incident in the middle of a safari park.

This is me. All I genuinely need to know is the truth. It's the uncertainty and prediction that sets me off....I cover ears/ fuck off until main event has occurred......I prefer to know the beast I'm dealing with

I’m the same @Dunnoburt, I can spot any queasy people well in advance of the event. I think it’s a form of self-protection so I can keep my distance! Like many others, my phobia was triggered when someone puked on me when I was a child. She’d been off school with a tummy bug but her Mum let her go to Brownies in the evening….😡

Nobody takes the 48hr rule seriously in my child's school...... even after that it's still contagious 😣

That's fine then
You are very kind.
Now be kind to yourself.
My dh has just been violent sick.
Think it's a bug as opposed to over eating.
Not worried me, but sick is gross. It's supposed to be.
You're supposed to avoid it and not touch it.
Just self preservation.
In your position I'd just be practical.
Keep her to one area
Anti bac anything she has likely have come in contact with.
Wash your hands throughly.
Just act as they would in a hospital- as they do dealing with this.

But mostly be gentle with yourself
You've not done anything wrong.
And anyone who says otherwise tell them to stuff off
Take control.

Exactly
Well done op.
Like most women , despite everything you've just gone on with.
Drop the guilt and you're there.

I'm genuinely shocked by the responses tonight x thank you x

I was an emetophobe for years and even now I really cannot stand nausea but as I've got older I'm only nauseous if I'm going to be sick so it's usually over very quickly. I thought I could come here and help but unfortunately my phobia was always about me being sick. Others as well, but a lot less so. I could get away from that (though in your case I'd have felt the same). I carry buccastem in my bag, the doctor told me to buy over the counter years ago. I think that actually helped 'cure' my phobia the most, just knowing that I had a method of control and it almost always works (when it doesn't it is so mild it's a lot less aversive). I hope you all feel well now OP. Keep some ginger for these things too. Night. Oh and no flaming here. A phobia is a phobia, it's not a choice.

Anyone who would flame you has no idea how debilitating this phobia can be. Therapy, exposure and CBT has helped fractionally for me. It’s not just a case of going to get therapy and then it’s fixed. Emet can a long time to get better. It’s so so misunderstood and people who don’t have it can be awful to me because they just don’t get it. I’ve had it all my life and it’s ruined so much of my enjoyment.

OP, it’s ok to be scared and worried. You did so well dealing with it all so far. I think I’d have had to move out of my own home and into a hotel for a few nights if that was me. So well done! You sound like a lovely, selfless daughter and despite your phobia, you want the best for your mum. Sending love xx

Being sick is not at all pleasant, and clearing up other people’s sick is revolting, but it’s short term. What do you think will actually happen to you that’s bad enough to merit all the drama? Because it really don’t get it. Nobody likes sick, or being sick, but unless they have cholera or something, what is the worst that could happen?

It’s an irrational fear. It’s hard to explain for most suffers. In my case, I am scared of being around sick, incase I get sick myself and then I have no control over when I will throw up. Then, I will think about it, not eat and not sleep for 3+ days waiting for the sickness to hit me.

Not sure what the true fear is for OP.

It truly is so debilitating and it’s not ‘drama’. It’s an absolutely horrific mental illness that has plagued many of its sufferers for years :(

@FishOnTheTrain no I understand that it’s horrible for people who have it, I just don’t get what they think will happen. Being arachnophobic makes sense given spiders can be venomous. Claustrophobia makes sense given that people can die trapped in confined spaces. But being sick is usually just a really unpleasant 6 hours and then it’s done so I just don’t understand what people think will happen that’s so bad about being sick? Like, I think it’s absolutely revolting. I hate, hate, hate being sick. Hate it. And having to clean up the DC’s sick will make me feel nauseous all day. But it is what it is, there’s no way to completely avoid it in life, and it’s not actively harmful so what is there to be that afraid of? That’s what I’d like to understand.

My phobia/biggest fear is wetting myself. For the germ/contamination factor (severe OCD) not just embarrassment. My MIL has incontinence, so i have to hide being panicky around her, but i do know she's padded up at all times. I am secretly terrified though of when me and partner move in together and its my home shes coming into and my furniture etc not me going to theirs where i can come back to my clean bubble.

Oh god OP I sympathise. I have emetophobia although slightly better than it was when I was a kid. I would throw anyone out of my house who even complained of nausea let alone was puking, including my unwell 70+ year old mother. I would expect people to have the decency to leave without being asked if they felt sick and I’d be pretty furious if they didn’t tbh!

I really think it’s the unpredictable nature of throwing up for lots of people. That’s where the fear is. You've no control over it.

I think it can sometimes from a place of embarrassment, disgust, not being able to breathe etc.

Thats how I understand it for most people, anyway.

That's why phobias are often irrational. Like for me it's bodily waste germs. I'm not scared that coming in to contact with poo for example will make me ill. I trust my immune system, and i also trust medicine to make me better if i did get ill. I'm not affraid at all that it will kill me. I just cannot stand the thought of the germs from it being on my things. Then that thing touching and contaminating another possession, or someone else touching the dirty item then clean ones, and an uncontrollable domino effect of everything i own becoming contaminated and i can't get ahead of it and stop the spread and clean all the contaminated things so all my stuff is clean again. The nuclear is everything i own becoming contaminated, meaning all future items i own getting contaminated, and living in a big, distressing bubble of contamination i can't escape. The only way out would basically be a new house, new everything in it, new car, and basically chemically decontaminate myself before entering.

Oh, and fear of not being able to stop (for me, anyway)

Phobias aren’t logical though, some people have phobias of baked beans or balloons. For me the worst thing is the puking itself. When I was a teenager I frequently said I’d rather shoot myself than throw up and I genuinely wholeheartedly meant it. I all but stopped eating except ryvitas.

Same. The thought of ever throwing up again made me want not be here anymore. It’s so awful

Fellow emetophobe here - to the extent that I cannot and will not take my uncle to any medical appointments in my car as he gets very bad travel sickness so we need to get a social worker to take him or cancel - I completely understand you.

IANBU and YANBU, we can't help it. We'd really love to be able to handle it, but we cannot. I literally start shaking. No one else can really understand. Your mother sounds like a lovely and understanding person with this, I wish mine were the same.

Yeah, that wouldn't have done anything for me. My issue is the sound of other people throwing up, specifically. Seeing it in a pot would not touch the sides of my issue.

Sorry nrtft just OPs posts; but in this whole situation this really stood out to me ‘I've been told to calm the fuck down, shut the fuck up, grow up’
Who is talking to you this way when you are struggling with a genuine phobia? It doesn’t seem like it’s your lovely mum who you say takes it seriously and sounds like she’s tried so hard to not trigger your emetophobia (which is fine for her to do, despite PP saying she shouldn’t, she’s caring about her daughter and the fact she has a very real phobia). If it’s your husband, this is not okay, no one should be speaking to you like this it’s disgusting, especially if you have your child around. What a way to treat their mum who is struggling, what is that teaching them?!

I really think it’s the unpredictable nature of throwing up for lots of people. That’s where the fear is. You've no control over it.

@FishOnTheTrain That’s exactly what it is for me and why I can clean up afterwards if someone’s ill. I just can’t be there while it’s happening.

I think my irrational brain tells me that the queasy person is going to turn towards me and cover me in puke just as that little girl did decades ago. It’s ridiculous, but in the moment, I’m terrified of them!