Emetophobia - gonna get flamed...

[Dunnoburt]

Myself, partner and 8 year old have my parents over in their 70s for Christmas..... my mum has been sick 4 times in the last 3 hours, once over herself (and she's so fucking passive that she didn't even tell me she had put clothes and cleaning up paper in the bin ...😫) .....I have crippling and I mean crippling emetophobia.......why does nobody understand that I now can't touch anything.... I'm terrified... I've been told to calm the fuck down, shut the fuck up, grow up, in a logical brain, yes.....absolutely..... but I can't help it.....I CANNOT HELP IT.....all I can now think about is everything that has been touched, transferred etc and that everyone is going to catch it...... And all I really want to do is give my mum a fucking cuddle and make sure she's OK because feeling sick is just the fucking worst......she won't tell.me the truth because she's the only one who actually takes my phobia seriously....hence the hiding in the bin etc. It's definitely a bug as she doesn't drink and has eaten everything we all have today...........give my fucking head a wobble mumsnet. Just wish I didn't have this fucking phobia....its like a chain around my neck.

I have found my people
I have suffer from emetaphobia for as long as I can remember. My mum suspects I witnessed something at school which frightened me but if that’s the case, I’ve blocked it out. I’m 35 and haven’t been sick since I was 7. I think my body is too scared to do it. I do get regular anxiety induced diarrhoea tho.

The phobia massively limits my life
i I don’t drink, and avoid drunk people
I avoid public toilets
Fair grounds
Hospitals
And any ‘obvious’ places where vomiting is common

its been a big factor in not having or working with children

it is crippling
But as others have said
You ARE coping

i would (and have) sent someone home

@AnxietyIsKillingMe its been a big factor in not having or working with children

absolutely same. The main reason I think about not having children is because of this phobia.

@FishOnTheTrain Mine are teenagers now and I found that I was fine with baby and toddler mess, didn’t bother me at all. When they got older, I was just honest with them and explained that Mum’s not good with upset tummies, have this bucket, I’ll go and put on rubber gloves and come back after the event.

Neither of them are emetophobic and my phobia has become a bit of a family joke tbh. Mum in her gloves with the anti-bac spray!

I'd struggle.. mm. I wouldn't say I am emetophobic, I don't panic and I am not scared..

However.. and this affects me daily... I will vomit if I:

Hear others vomit
See others vomit
Smell others vomit
See goo/snot/spit/dribble particularly on people (and very much if on me, if its someone elses though Im not chuffed if its mine really).
See things that look like the above.
Think too hard about any of the above.
I am actually impressed I have got this far writing this post...there are days when I would not have!

I have been like this since a small child, as long as I can remember, the gagging and throwing up is uncontrollable and I did not 'do it for attention' as some adults claimed, nor have I grown out of it.

I was horribly travel/motion sick as a child and still am now unless in the front seat (And sometimes even then), I also have ARFID, and a sliding hiatus hernia which I do think are all linked.

For years I couldn't eat soup because it looked like spew and tbh, I struggle with most types of soup now, there are only a very few that I eat and I have to eat them with a spoon, I could not do a cuppa soup, or the types that are lumpy or have a rather glutinous (potato based) texture.

I manage with my own spewing without fuss and it is rare I make a mess (I have recently as I have started doing it with no warning whatsoever, I also spend a lot of time most weeks feeling sick but fairly confident I won't be sick, which I suspect has put my judgement off a bit), and I am not scared of being sick...

But if someone else is being, or there is something grim on tv or in real life that is 'sick adjacent' I have to get out of there and think about something else or I will join in.

In practical terms it means I can't be around babies/small children, dribbly dogs (and i HAVE a dribbly dog, we keep a lot of tissues around and I am almost immune to him now, mostly...), struggle with other people eating, have to turn various tv shows and films off, I don't drink or hang around with people who do, can't clean up pet vomit... or be near it (I can't actually clean it anyway. I have had to hide in other rooms til DP gets back if a dog has spewed when he's out!).

It isn't funny, it isn't 'for attention' or something I can just 'get a grip' about - it upsets me I cannot help a friend or loved one who is feeling unwell.

thank you for this.

dis you ever catch a bug from them? That’s my biggest fear.

I’ve seen so many threads on here over the last few days of kids coming down with noro. It scares me so much

@FishOnTheTrain Only once and it wasn’t bad, just one episode. Those gloves and spray are effective, I do all the door handles, etc. They think I’m daft but it works!

For me its definitely the fear of it never ending and feeling like I'm suffocating and can't call for help. I imagine retching up my innards and somehow unravelling from the inside. My logical brain tells me this is ridiculous but I fear it nonetheless. Maybe I'll be the first person this happens to and nobody will care or understand?

Phobias can be debilitating but also quite interesting if you take a step back to analyse. For me, I suspect if its some kind of reaction to not being nurtured as a child, to feeling different, shamed, and treated with contempt by care givers.

I used to have emetophobia as a child and teen, I empathise. (I still don’t like sick but it doesn’t run my life).

YANBU because sickness bugs are horrible and it’s good to try to prevent others from catching it.

Tell your mum to wash her hands after the toilet and touching her mouth, and the whole household to wash their hands before eating and not touch their mouths.

Disinfect anything commonly touched like backs of chairs, door handles and light switches. Discretely disinfect everything your mum touches.

Wash hand towels on a hot wash, everyone can use paper towels for now. Wash all clothes and towels that can survive it at 60’C and buy some of that anti viral laundry additive.

Remember norovirus is easily killed by heat above 60’C and chlorine. It’s not impossible to avoid catching it.

My mum was a childminder, she was very proud that she never had a tummy bug outbreak despite parents sending ill kids to her. She puts this down to encouraging handwashing and disinfecting the toilets after use and everything commonly touched. This is less extensive than the above suggestions.

Finally, do your research before considering this, but iodine is so strongly anti-viral if you drink a few drops in water it can prevent tummy bugs and stop existing viruses in their tracks.

A phobia is completely different from a dislike, please understand this and be respectful. With a phobia you have no control and it prevents logical thought because panic sets in and you have to run away from the situation. Maybe it would help you to read up on this subject.

@AnxietyIsKillingMe
I'm exactly the same!
The avoidance is crazy. It does rule my life.
For me it also started at 6 or 7 when my younger cousin threw up in the back of my Dads car while I was sitting beside her.
This seems to have started at a young age for quite a few of us here...
I'm dreading New Years Eve and the thought of walking my dog on New Years Day

Most phobias are completely irrational. People don’t just develop them about harmful things, they can be about anything. I had a friend with a serious phobia of cotton wool when I was younger.

Interesting info from a therapist for people with the phobia: I started EMDR a while ago but couldn’t continue as I couldn’t afford it, so never got beyond the introductory sessions. The therapist told me that although some phobias are caused by a truly traumatic incident, most develop after a milder trigger incident to cover something else up that we are ashamed of even though we were unaware of this. I thought about it a lot and I think I developed it after I threw up in a bucket at school in front of a whole class coming out of the school hall from their PE lesson. The vomiting was horrible (as it is for everyone) but didn’t scare me. However, when I went back to school a few days later, one of the boys who had seen me teased me about it. I remember being horrified because I didn’t realise it was something someone could be nasty about - why would they because it was so horrible for me? I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and as a child I struggled a lot with understanding social codes and what was and wasn’t acceptable, so I was horrified to have got a social code wrong’ by vomiting in front of people. The phobia started a few months after this. I think it developed along with a lot of masking because I was scared of people finding out that I was this worm-like creature (how I saw myself in my head) who wasn’t a proper person and didn’t understand social rules. So if you’re not sure why you have the phobia, it can help to keep asking yourself “what am I scared will happen and why?” Yes, you’re scared that you will catch norovirus and vomit, but that’s usually not the core fear - there will be something else at the heart of it that you’re not aware of. So the poster who developed this after someone threw up all over her at brownies - it may be that your phobia developed because people laughed when she was sick on you, or because you saw the absolute disgust in their faces and you felt it was direct at you rather than the vomit.

Dealing with sickness is horrible, it makes you feel physically sick yourself, this is completely normal! But as adults however horrible and nauseous it makes us feel we have to put others' needs above how horrible it is. So yes I have lots of sympathy for you op and anyone else dealing with sickness (even self induced from too many selection packs!) But it's not a true phobia, it's a normal human reaction to feel like vomiting when dealing with other people or animals vomiting, not irrational at all because it is horrible, we basically put on disposable gloves and a bit of mind over matter!

You are wrong! A true phobia can develop about anything. You clearly have absolutely no understanding of phobias.

Thinking of you, OP.
How is your mum, and how are you?
And the rest of the family?
Sending heartfelt best of wishes, for recovery for your mum and some peace for you. Because peace is what you need, the turmoil of anxiety is horrific in a situation like yours. Xxx

Has your child never thrown up? I have emetophobia (more that I'm scared of throwing up) and that was difficult when I had bad morning sickness when pregnant. My daughter had a vomiting bug as a younger baby and I just had to deal with it. Didn't have a choice. I think your parents need to leave though as the bug could be contagious .

Please read up on this before commenting further. A phobia is very different from a dislike.

I don’t think you’re joking. I have emetophobia too (currently in CBT) and you could offer me £1m and I still wouldn’t set foot in a bathroom someone had been sick in. We have 4 loos in our house and a designated ‘sick’ one which is used for anyone poorly. I avoid it.

Everyone likes to be like ‘you’re intense you need to calm down’ but my emetophobia only became so bad when I became responsible for LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE! What CBT is teaching me is that my emetophobia is largely impacted by my stress levels and environment.

I completely sympathise - sickness is rough but OP's mum is an adult and she should be able to handle her own illness responsibly - leaving stuff with vomit on it in places where other people including children might touch them is irresponsible. OP - if it's any consolation you're not alone, I don't have a phobia but my dad vomited in the night and thought nothing of leaving a vomit-covered towel on the side of the bath where my 1yo and 4yo could (and did of course) touch it, didn't tell me about it and also lied when I asked if it had gone anywhere else. I was also livid and had a go at him for being so thoughtless. I'm sorry he's sick but that's no excuse for not thinking of others' safety

I've got this phobia too. I can't bear to read the posts but love to you fellow phobic

Emetophobia is so much more than than. It has the potential to really control someone's life. It's not just that people "don't like it"

It very much is a true phobia.

Oh OP 💔 I first handedly know how dabilitatinbv meta phobia is. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your mum on Xmas.

A phobia is so much different and so much more then what a fear is. 86: absolutely debilitating and I know that this won't just go today, it'll go on and on whilst you're probably waiting for someone else to get sick 😢

I have absynongeound breaking advice and I have crippling emetaphobia. But what I would say is try and think of now and what you can control. Try and be settled whilst you're well.
I would also say aswell, even if it is a big, you might not all catch it. We probably come into contact with sick people all the time without knowing and are fine as that's what our immune systems are for. So you still might well be ok.

Sending you lots of love

I can empathise. I have a phobia of a certain rodent. People throw the word phobia around. I once ran away when I saw one in the distance at a country park. Some might think that's not too bad, but I abandoned my four year old DD to get away. I'd give my life for her but my phobia took over that day. You can't control it.
I'm sorry they don't understand.

I have emetophobia and would also get off the bus but I think in that situation wouldn't most people even if you don't have the phobia? As it would smell plus wouldn't it run down the bus and also if it's a bug you could catch it?

Just quoting to say although I'm sure as a fellow emetophobe the OP will already know this but antibac wipes and sprays don't kill sickness bugs only bleach and clinell wipes. Sickness bugs are viral not bacterial

In this country (assuming you are England) spiders can't kill you so no it doesn't really make sense and even in countries like Australia I'm sure people dying from spider bites is very rare) aren't all phobias a bit irrational? And you could die from being sick by choking on it although that would also be very rare and unlikely. I think it's unfair to make out someone's phobia is stupid because what could happen. Of course it's irrational and I'm sure we all know that but it doesn't help us