To think my family don't know me?

[spottykimchi]

Gifts from 6 people. Each one got me chocolate or bubble bath.

That's it.

That's what I'm reduced to. I got thought out gifts for everyone and in return..generic chocolate and bubble bath. I don't even have baths.

Aibu to just return the favour next year?

I said bubble bath is a safe gift for homebodies. It is! There is absolutely nothing offensive about bubble bath. Or being a homebody.

I didn’t once say that people without hobbies are homebodies - you have literally made that up.

I have a hobby I often get gifts for. I would also consider myself a homebody. People usually buy me hobby related gifts or home stuff. I would be delighted with bath stuff (despite not having a bath often) and chocolate.

This is such a weird derail.

OP is unhappy with bath stuff and chocolate but delighted with hand cream. Opposite for me.

You think silk scrunchies are a nice gift. I disagree (unless the recipient is 12).

People can’t win, and my original post still stands - we need more info. If the OP doesn’t have hobbies or interests that people can buy related gifts for, then she needs to ask for what she wants. There is nothing inherently wrong with receiving bath stuff and chocolate! OP hasn’t been excluded from gifts, she just doesn’t like the ones she’s given.

This is why I don't understand Christmas presents for adults, it's too much stress and pressure (as well as expense of course). Birthdays are great - just one person at a time to think about and choose for and make a fuss of. But presents for loads of people at the same time just makes no sense to me! Make a fuss of any children and the adults just enjoy getting together and sharing lovely food. Get rid of the present pressure!

But that's a whole other topic I guess 😬

I voted YABU.

I can’t stand Passive Agressive people who refuse to speak up and say what they mean using clear unambiguous words.

Years ago I dropped a friend after she binned some of my gifts in front of me. She was convinced that hinting was a perfectly acceptable way to communicate her desires and I was at fault for not passing her test.

Fuck her and everyone else who is PA with their friends and family! I’m not wasting my energy fretting about someone who wants to play stupid mind games.

@Pamspeople it's not stress and pressure if all the adults in your circle agree a budget and write wish lists.
I like getting presents. I just tell the gift givers what I would like. They buy it. And vice versa.
Easy peasy.

One year my Granny got seven calendars.

To save dh racking his brains, I have been known to print off a page showing what I’d like, with size and colour clearly circled. And leaving it on his desk. That’s how I got my lovely Celtic sheepskin house boots anyway - still going strong a few years later.

This year I just messaged all the family and said, “£20 budget, let me know what you want.” A bit boring but at least things aren’t being wasted.

I actually agree with you @spottykimchi . They either don’t know you .
Or are lazy

Too easy not to think just grab a generic gift.

I wouldn’t be happy with either.
Id rather they didn’t bother if they didn’t face even to think the gift through.

Id be vocal about it so that next year Xmas /birthdays the ones that cared would have to try.

Tell your dh you are disappointed .
surely he at least knows you enough by now. .

Can’t go wrong! My partner and I ask each other for one thing (complete with attached link 😂) and then we get one small surprise each as well. Takes the pressure off because you’re getting what you want and the small surprise is usually just a joke or something silly. Nothing expensive so no worries about wasting money etc.

I'm autistic and I don't do hints so each year around October if I see something I like it will say "for Christmas please may I have something from X shop/ Y specific item/ Z experience day"

Before I ask I always consider how much these people usually spend on each person at Christmas and I'd never ask for anything from anyone that I am aware is experiencing any financial hardship but would instead say "for Christmas would you like to join me for X experience, my treat, I'd love to do this with you".

This year I got 1 perfume that I asked for while we were in York and asked them to put it away for me until Christmas and they did, and then I got a couple of shower sets because I haven't asked for anything this year. That's on me for not communicating anything really. I'm sure my family do know me and know I crochet and know I love food but hate cooking, and my family know what size clothing I am but I also know that when someone knows themselves and is really into their hobbies it's hard for an outsider to buy a surprise or thoughtful present as they aren't as knowledgeable about my hobbies as I am and so they might buy the wrong thing so I would never expect much other than smellies and edible treats if I haven't taken responsibility to communicate or guide them in some way.

I’m bland and proud 😂😂

It’s not about ‘stuff’ - it’s that horrible feeling of no one knowing you or thinking about you.

i think all of us want to feel special and an individual. Especially after becoming a parent as sometimes as a SAHM I felt I was just ‘jacks mum’ and not ‘Dingdong’ in my own right any more

it’s not about money - it’s really about thought.

getting me a plain bic biro shows zero thought. Getting me a dr who pen shows you know what I love! Inexpensive but thoughtful !

buying me a book about love island would be ?????? as not my thing - But a book about gavin and stacey - I’d be so happy as I love this series.

i got given a box of malteesers once by a close family member. If a casual acquaintance had done this I would have appreciated the thought of the gift - but when it was from a veryclose family member who knows I’m celiac it just stung a bit as there really wasn’t any thought in giving a gift that was full of gluten..

none of us expect everyone in the world to know us well - but I think when our husbands and very ‘close family’ show no indication that they have any clue about what interests us - I think it’s ok to feel a bit sad especially when you clearly put time and effort into thinking about what other people like.

If you are someone who is very into "carefully choosing thoughtful gifts," your recipients will also be aware that this is something that matters to you, and will no doubt take care to coo enthusiastically over the things you give, but it's possible that some of your gifts also miss the mark

I'm autistic so I dont generally open presents infront of people and I try to avoid being around other people opening gifts from me ( unless it's my DC ) 😅 A quick text to thank me for the gift is enough from me. Someone "cooing" over a gift from me would make me feel really uncomfortable.

Bottom line is, gifting among adults should really be by mutual consent, not the assumed default where we all end up having to buy 20 or more presents for all the ppl in our lives. And it's not a good idea to expect ppl to be mind readers

It sounds like OP and her family are giving gifts by mutual consent though? And I dunno about the mind reading, surely its just a bit of initiative? My DS is 8 and knows I enjoy drawing and reading. He got me a cute pen and a cute drawing pad. I think that's thoughtful. ( I say got me, I'm a single mum so took him/helped him wrap them but he already had a list of what he wanted to get me )

Sounds like OP and her family arnt on the same page for gifts/thoughtfulness which must be quite hurtful

You should say something.
Tell your husband you feel hurt that he didn't take a moment to think about you as a person and find something thoughtful.

It's OK to be upset that people don't seem to think about you and instead just grab something 'safe'.

That was all he got you for Christmas?! Jesus. I can’t think of a single person who would xx e happy or grateful for that from their husband. That’s utterly piss poor.

We use the app family gift. Makes it easier on everyone. I'd be upset too op I don't expect anyone but my husband to really know me so if it wasn't a genuine ME gift just an after thought then I'd be communicating how I felt. I would also be open to collaborating on how to make gift giving easier/ ideas because it can be hard to give gifts for particular people.

Do I have any actual interests??? Of course I do. Why is everyone being so rude

He got me that and a box of toffeefee

My mother bought me a large tray of posh chocolates, 3 different (and expensive) perfumes and some fluffy socks.

The fluffy socks are great.

I'm allergic/sensitive to most perfumes so I never wear them. I was allergy tested extensively as a child. She took me and knows this.

Chocolate gives me migraines. It always has done, since I was a child.

She just buys me things she likes/things she think I 'should' like because she likes them. Every time.

It upsets me because it's done deliberately. She asked me what I'd like and I said, "ooh some fluffy socks and an Amazon voucher for my kindle please, still can't eat chocolate or use cosmetics btw."

It's hurtful when it's someone very close OP, I get it.

I wrote actual hobbies. Do you? Do you do stuff they know about that they could have bought related gifts for? If you prefer staying home bath stuff and chocolate doesn’t seem unreasonable at all.

Spending the day in a scented bath eating chocolate - sounds pretty good to me, OP.

My favourite post-Christmas treat!

Great maybe my family should adopt you? It sounds shit to me.

Yes I do.

lol sounds like you were lucky you got anything at all!