To think my family don't know me?

[spottykimchi]

Gifts from 6 people. Each one got me chocolate or bubble bath.

That's it.

That's what I'm reduced to. I got thought out gifts for everyone and in return..generic chocolate and bubble bath. I don't even have baths.

Aibu to just return the favour next year?

We tell each other things we would like and ask if we are not sure. That's me, dh, kids, grandparents and our brothers and sisters.

So I asked for-

Walking boots
Nightwear
A board game
Candles
Calender

I got them all plus another 2 games, 2 books, chocs, wine, socks, hand cream money

I don't understand why people don't talk about it and expect others to guess.

My gifts used to be rubbish. Always chocolate-which I never eat. Things have improved considerably since DD was old enough to ask for her father’s credit card! However even DS bless him put some thought in; probably only cost him about £2.50 but got me something I love. It is the thought and knowing you which is important.

I don’t really need anything. I also don’t need to have to think of gifts for myself as well as everyone else. I want a surprise like they have, doesn’t have to cost loads. My favourite gift this year is the one from DS as he never has before.

I don't understand why people don't talk about it and expect others to guess

Performative martyrdom. "I spends days agonizing over the perfect gift for every person on my list. So much effort on my part (I'm so wonderful) and they never get me what I want. Effort...blah, blah, blah...thoughtful...blah, blah"

So tiresome🙄

You've hit the nail on the head. My DS once bought me the cheesiest mug that said mums mug, but he had gone and chosen it and bought it himself and was so proud (he was only little). It meant the absolute world to me and I still smile when I see it in the cupboard. I'll never get rid of it.

Yes it's the thought that counts but only if actual thought has been put into it. And you can absolutely tell when that's happened even if it's not something you would normally like.

That is really poor of your family, and I do understand why you feel like that. There's just no thought put into it. Just feels like "oh that'll do", and it's worse when you do make an effort.

I think you either have to be much more open and specify what kind of thing you'd like - we all have Amazon wishlists that we add to throughout the year so there's a wide range of options for others to choose from. We don't necessarily buy from Amazon, but source elsewhere.

And I'd certainly be making less effort towards the others next year.

Are you the same OP who husband wouldn't buy her a card from baby for you saying Mum on it?

Perhaps they thought you'd appreciate some relaxation and time to yourself as a busy mum.

What would you have liked instead?

With regards to your DH, give him a list in future.

I think your husband should know you better for sure but the rest of the family I wouldn't get too upset over. I'd have thought the hand cream you ordered yourself to be very generic and not personal but hopefully you enjoy it! Match their energy next year and get everyone a box of chocolate in the shopping, job done!

I think some of the comments are a bit unfair.
I agree in that thought should be put into gifts, especially by immediate family who should know you well enough to know what you like.
I think choc / bubble bath from people close to you is a little bit of a cop out, unless it is something that the person loves so much they’d be thrilled that they had a special addition/bigger size etc that they wouldn’t normally buy.

I think it’s not unreasonable to expect your husband to get you a surprise gift. I always give my husband ideas, but I also say I’m don’t want to know exactly what I’m getting. So if I’ve asked for running socks , then great to unwrap them, but I’d also like to think he could get me something that he’d thought about himself.

We both always get gift receipts so if we got it wrong they can be exchanged, but as long as that gift is with some thought (even if not quite right) is great, because someone actually thought what would ‘runningjo’ like, rather than the ‘that will do’. I also hate the fact someone has wasted money on something I don’t like/wouldn't use.

And I know things are tight for some at Christmas, but you don’t have to spend a lot to buy a thoughtful gift. I do secret Santa with a group of friends, our budget is £10/£15 & we all got some lovely things, so it can be done. (Etsy is great for this).

I think I’d be suggesting to family members who got the choc and bath things that you should all do a secret Santa next year, or perhaps just do gifts for children only.

No

Well you imagine wrong. I put on a jolly face then moaned to mumsnet at the end of the day. I put on an amazing Christmas for everyone. Lots of effort went into the food etc and I just get a box of dairy milk etc

But why are chocolate and bubble bath a cop out while handcream and mugs with Mum on them are not? Honestly, ppl are not mind readers.

I know the answer to this OP. You need to start buying crappy generic gifts and stop putting throught into people's presents or you will grow resentful. Reduce how much you spend on others and start buying yourself all the gifts you actually want.
You're welcome 😁

Just stop exchanging presents with adults.

And the contradiction of, ‘I’m reduced to little one’s mum’ and, ‘I’d have liked some cheap tat with mum written on it’ is really funny.

Really - do secret Santa next year with wish lists and cut out all this crap. I understand why you’re disappointed, but it will only change if you do something about it.

Or maybe they genuinely don't know what to buy you. Do you ever express a wish for something you want, or are you like my SIL who expects everyone to be telepathic and instinctively know what she likes?

Does anyone ask you what you would like?

Some people really don't know what to buy someone, or they just hate Christmas shopping.

Maybe next year write a wish list.

I dont know why so many posters are jumping on the OP about this,

It's the lack of thought that will be hurtful for the OP. Absolutely no thought whatsoever has gone into chocolates or bubble bath. OP could go put right now and buy herself chocolates or bubble bath with very minimal effort

I buy toiletries and chocolates as top ups for people around their main gift, but their main gift is always somthing I know they will like or enjoy

I'd feel really hurt and uncared for I'd my family just got me chocolate and bubble bath after I'd put thought into their gifts

Which is why I said I I give ideas to my husband, people aren’t mind readers, no but surely close friends or family should be able to think of something the OP wants

I buy toiletries and chocolates as top ups for people around their main gift, but their main gift is always somthing I know they will like or enjoy
But OP would have liked hand cream apparently. The difference between hand cream and bubble bath of one being great and thoughtful and one being generic and unacceptable isn't clear to me

Nothing underlines our sense of how we’re seen than a gift that either hits the spot or leaves us wondering if the giver knows anything whatsoever about us. Getting a meh gift can easily emphasise any simmering resentments - do you feel generally taken for granted, and not just with dull presents? Did others in the family get presents reflective of them or do you have family who go for generic gifts for most people? Gift giving is a fine art: many people give what they’d like to receive themselves, or give the safely generic rather than risk offending. If you have been clear about what you’d like and still get the generic gifts, that’s down to the giver. Do you generally feel able to be clear about what you want, or do you feel people ought to make an effort to find out? We can easily believe that care is only shown if the other person intuits what we might want or need, but not everyone is very good at intuition.

This is what my DP does…I got a book written by an author of a book I expressed was a lovely read. A primer that I was looking for but was out of stock in two stores before I gave up and then forgot. A pair of earrings because he knew I’d like them as I like little cute things. Bath bombs…because I LOVE baths (have one at least 3 times a week!) and a little personalised book gift that’s special to us. 🥰 he knows me…he listens.

Another vote for the gift exchange app here. A few Xmases ago my SIL introduced this (Elfster app in our case). Each person chooses their own gift, in our case up to a set value - but just for example say £50 - and puts the link on Elfster. This link then gets sent to your secret "elf", another family member, and they buy it, wrap it and put it under the tree. Everyone gets a £50 gift they actually want, no money wasted and there is some fun is in trying to guess who your elf was. OP, it sounds like you would have to be the instigator but it's been brilliant and taken quite a bit of work out of gift shopping for everyone.
PS I am not sponsored by Elfster app 😁I think there are some others too

“Her hands look sore so i’ll get her hand cream” wtf OP, no one thinks like this, just be grateful people care about you. I got nothing from my DH due to financial circumstances, i’m not crying about it. Get over it and move on.

Just give a list next year

Tell them....

Say, "if you're thinking of getting me a gift I would like.....gin, perfume, a book etc etc"

That's what I do!