To think my family don't know me?

[spottykimchi]

Gifts from 6 people. Each one got me chocolate or bubble bath.

That's it.

That's what I'm reduced to. I got thought out gifts for everyone and in return..generic chocolate and bubble bath. I don't even have baths.

Aibu to just return the favour next year?

Bubble bath makes great handwash when decanted into an empty container.

Calling OP a homebody is rude.

I spent Christmas with some people I don’t know very well and I got them a silk eye mask and silk hair scrunchies, a tote bag, posh socks, a make up bag, a jumper.

They looked really happy with their gifts but if they weren’t happy, I understand as everyone has different tastes but at least it wasn’t bubble bath and Ferrero Rocher!

Agree. Buying bubble bath for your wife when she doesn't take baths is not the highest mind reading event of the year 😂

In an ideal world we would be surrounded by people who were great at observing and putting a lot of thought into gifts. In reality, most go into panic mode and buy generic stuff. Honestly, those that have been best at this are my kids (sometimes they get it a bit wonky but they do spend time thinking and often make stuff and there is a reason behind it) or people I have worked with. I can only assume that's because we actually spend time discussing music and books etc so we can choose books we know each other would like). Others, it's sometimes a list required but I prefer to give guidance where needed.

It’s not rude at all - there’s nothing wrong with being a homebody (if she is).

If everyone is getting OP the same gifts then the common denominator is her.

My DH and I do the same thing and ask/talk to each other too and as you said that is considered bizarre on MN.

Said in an earlier posts, there’s nothing wrong with asking and talking to your spouse.

I've accepted over the years that my dh is rubbish at buying presents. Smellies or chocolate is the best he is ever going to come up with on his own, expecting more, like I did in the early years of our marriage, was a reflection of me not knowing him more than him not not knowing me. A fortnight ago I said to him I need a new dressing gown, I then showed him a photo of one I had seen, told him the shop and size, I am now the owner of a nice new dressing gown. Some people are good at noticing people's preferences some need to be slapped in the face with them.

Homebody is rude because you’ve made assumptions about OP, including that she doesn’t have hobbies. Also, someone not having hobbies doesn’t mean they’re a homebody.

I don’t think OP is the common denominator. This is a really simplistic dismissal of family dynamics. It’s absolutely possible for a family to collectively ignore one family member and focus on others.

I have asked if she has hobbies, not assumed she doesn’t - if I assumed she had none why would I ask? You seem to have some issue with being a homebody? It’s not a negative term. You sound a bit weird to be honest - enjoy your Christmas with the people you don’t know lol

Homebody is not rude. I, and many I know, are homebodies. What is rude is to be so offended by a term that describes many very happy people, because it shows that you think it's a bad thing.

And the poster you're calling rude asked questions about the hobbies and interest and then said "if not, they're safe gifts for a homebody". They didn't make assumptions. They queried and gave an opinion based on if none of those questions had a "yes" answer.

Well we do a secret santa for adults so only 1 present required. I also tell people what sort of generic item I want so in your case ...Just say "I want posh handcream this year" then they can choose what one

You asked if she has hobbies and then said the gifts are fine for a homebody.

You were clearly using it in a negative way, and the saying bubble bath is fine for homebodies.

Why am I weird? Because my family were kind enough to have a large Christmas with wider family I don’t see often?

I don’t think I’m the weird one.

She said bath bubble is gone for homebodies. And that people without hobbies are homebodies. Also rude.

That’s using homebody in a negative way.

It’s not rude at all - there’s nothing wrong with being a homebody (if she is).

Well it is because you're making assumptions that hobbies are something that have the take place outside of the home. I pay a lot of money to live in my home, I like spending time there. I also sew, macrame, study, lift weights, run, do yoga, read, amongst other things. All in the comfort of my home. You seem to be lacking in imagination, like OP's relatives.

I actively encourage bubbles and chocolate as gifts because as a wider family we do none or token. They are things that will be used/eaten in this house. They are good gifts for people who genuinely just like chilling at home.

Stop assigning negative connections of your own to things that other people like. It says more about you than them.

Does this just apply to presents, or do you feel unappreciated or unnoticed in other ways by them?

That’s your family, not OPs. Stop projecting your own ideas onto OP.

She still asked if she had any hobbies. If OP doesn't, and just drops hints rather than actively saying/showing what she likes, people will struggle with what gifts to buy. Some people are hard to buy for. It's not a bad thing. It's just a thing.

It would be difficult to tell everyone else but I’d be telling your husband. A few Christmas’s ago mine went out on Christmas Eve and bought me 4 shit smelly sets! He knew they were shit, I knew they were shit so I told him not to bother in future!

Exactly!

You mean stop doing what you're doing? Because it's you that's decided it's rude to question OP about her hobbies. You who has decided it's rude to use the term homebody to describe someone. You who is making it negative when it doesn't have to be.

I'm being positive about things. Some people genuinely think chocolate is a nice gift.

Nope. If you don’t have hobbies or do activities that people can buy relayed gifts for, they probably won’t know what to get you if you don’t explicitly tell them.

Bath stuff and chocolate are nice gifts and the kind of thing to pick for a homebody (or, Christ, someone who enjoys spending time at home - as it’s apparently a slur on here 😂) if they didnt do one of your many hobbies you could get an associated gift for, or hadn't expressed an interest in anything else.

OP hasn’t been excluded, she just doesn’t like the gifts! If she doesn’t want to receive the same again she needs to ask for what she wants.

I’m not projecting, I’m considering her posts on what’s she said, which is that she buys thoughtful gifts for her family and yet she feels they haven’t done the same for her. She does not want bubble bath and chocolates so you saying you ‘actively encourage’ those gifts is projecting on to her, not being ‘positive’.

And I haven’t said it’s rude to question OP.

The other poster said bath bubble is fine for homebodies. And that people without hobbies are homebodies. That’s what’s rude.

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time from others on here @spottykimchi. It does sound shit and I’m sorry that happened. The fact that your own husband didn’t think through a gift and bought you a box of milk tray, is rubbish, let alone all the rest of the family. I too would feel like no one noticed who I was. Even if money was an issue, a box of milk tray is about a tenner, which could have bought a little something more thoughtful, like a book they thought you might enjoy. Enjoy your Chanel hand cream, you deserve it. Merry Christmas.

It's me saying I am happy to receive them, not projecting onto her.

I have also read OPs posts. She listed what she thinks are thoughtful gifts. I, and others, disagree.

My point is that maybe the gift giver is one of those people who thinks they are nice gifts, and would love to receive those gifts. Maybe the thought is there, it's just not the same thought that OP would have had.

Her husband should do better than a box of milk tray, I agree, but also, why is OP talking about hints instead of just outright telling her husband what she wants for Christmas to prevent a waste of, presumably, joint money? My DH is great in all the ways that matter. But his idea of a good gift and mine aren't always the same. So we discuss gift giving before we spend any money. That way neither of us is disappointed and our (hard earned) money isn't wasted.

People aren't all the same. So PP wasn't being rude in their opinion. I'm not projecting by giving my opinion. You, however, are assigning negative feelings to our opinions, based on your own.