To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

😕 I'm hoping you are going to update us that this was all an elaborate ruse and he has something spectacular planned for you.
Lol clubcard points - he's a chancer though, I'll give him that.

Sovery true.

Bar set so low.

Yes - it is possible if you want to get close to someone.

It's not Christmas yet!

If he’s not making an effort this early then I would bin him!

Its Christmas Eve, there is still time to deliver a gift. If he doesn't she then needs to decided where she stands, but only she knows if he is good in all other respects and whether he is trainable.

Using her club card isn't a major hanging offence, I've passed mine to total strangers so they can get a discount!

Ain't he just?! He'll be expecting OP to buy his fucking tonic next!

OP, don't over think this or make excuses for him because he has shown you who he is.

Actually I somewhat agree with this when it comes to casual friends or colleagues etc - I hate feeling obliged to spend money I don't really have on token bs when I have other more important people to buy stuff for.
But this feels different, especially as the OP has got him a birthday gift - that would have been the time for that conversation.

Do you think she lives in a mansion with a tree she hasn’t spotted yet?

It’s not the job of the OP, or anyone else for that matter, to act as rehab for broken men

I’d been with DH 5 months when it was our first Christmas.

He bought me earrings I still eat today 20 years later, a top that was lovely and fit, books and some stuff from L’Occitane.

I didn’t have to prompt him or anything - it’s a normal thing to exchange gifts with someone you’re in a relationship with.

This for me makes it worse.

i wouldnt say anything though at this stage. Just wait and see what happens next time he meets you. And dont get too invested. £150 roughly in four months on présents is waaaaaaaay too much to spend.

It’s late Xmas eve. Op has seen him today, she won’t be seeing him tomorrow or Boxing Day as they both have other family commitments. He’s had ample time to buy her a gift so I’d be highly surprised if he just turned up tomorrow (what with him having other commitments) to give op a gift.

I stand by what I say about the club card and it appears the huge majority of other posters also have the same opinion. If you’re happy to let total strangers use yours then that up to you but that doesn’t mean everyone is going to do the same. From where myself and many other posters are looking at it, then it is looking more and more like he is a user.

A christmas tree you numpty!

Everyone comes with baggage, she just needs to wait and see, he could be a complete waste of space or he could just be naive - that is not a crime.

I’m now imagining a huge mansion with olive trees in pots dotted around, under huge skylights.

She has waited and seen, and she doesn’t need to do anything. Don’t call me names when your advice is tripe

Women do not need to be advised to hang on to useless men

My son in law.
Is he kind? Yes.
Is he generous? Yes
His mother? Loathes her.

Are you a New Zealander by chance ? 😅

She asked for opinions and I gave mine as she wanted, it doesn't matter whether it aligns with yours or everyone elses, I am not that insecure. She sounds a lovely lady, I wish her well.

This is quite a common combination to be fair - some decent men do have toxic mothers.

And we all know of men who worship the ground their mother walks on, but disrespect their wives and women in general.

But it is of course something that may be taken into consideration as it can (not always) impact relationships.

I’ve known men who idolise their mums and yet are awful partners.

If in the UK no one is delivering now unless he appears at midnight with pressies like Santa

Okay well let’s see if he arrives tomorrow to place a gift on some Xmas tree outside op’s house 😁

YANBU
After 4 months, I would expect a gift and give a gift. Not a huge one, but something. And a card for sure.
I would reconsider dating him. This would not sit well with me. He should be pulling out all his cards to impress you at this point.
Does he know where you live? Is there a chance he will pop in with a present and card tomorrow morning?
If nothing happens, I would plainly and directly tell him I was well unimpressed and good bye. He could have made you a card. Write you something cute, a poem. Make you something if he had no money. No way a man who wants to make you feel special is going to miss Christmas day as the perfect opportunity.

They've been together for months, are exclusive, and are in a sexual relationship. There is NO excuse for him not to get her a small gift at Christmastime.

Yes. Why the hell not say? You want a present and roughly what that would look like. Or even a small list with a variety of price point items on it. Why be coy?