To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

My husband did this after we had been dating for a Year. He was staying at my house and Christmas Eve I started joking about what he’d got me and when I realised he hadn’t bought me a thing I got upset. He dashed out and managed t find a chemist open and bought me some perfume. We are still happily married after 40 years so don’t judge your new boyfriend too harshly.

Will the people dancing around saying give this joker another chance raise your collective bar.

This is why women end up funding ALL their own maternity leave and ALL the nursery fees 🙄🙄🙄

The whole “I was GOING to…” is a massive red flag. OP, if he was going to he would have done it. If he cared, he would have done it. If he wanted to, he would have done so.

I would throw this one back in or this will be your life from now on. It’s not the material cost, it never is - it’s the lack of thought and care. You thought of him (twice) and he still hasn’t got it. Bye!!

This is a complete non sequitur.

I will say this again…. He has already told op he would buy her some perfume. The perfume has never materialised. This isn’t just about someone who hasn’t bothered to make an effort and then rushed out to buy something last minute, this is someone who hasn’t bothered taken great delight in telling op he will get her a gift, only to never mention the gift again. He has seen op today and not handed her a gift. Op won’t be seeing him again until after Xmas. That is an extremely cruel trick to play on someone in a very new relationship which should be in its honeymoon stage.
To add insult to injury he has used op’s club card to get a discount on a bottle of gin for himself at Tesco. He is a user who gets kicks out of making empty promises then not delivering.

@Feelingabitsillyatxmas1

I have to go with the majority here. Dump his fat ass... Can't be bothered to buy you a Christmas present on your first Christmas together after 4 months together? Really? Not even a box of Milk Tray?!

Me and my (now) husband, who I married over 35 years ago, started dating 11 weeks before Christmas, (3 years before getting married,) and all that time ago, (in the mid 1980s) he spent £60 on me for the first Christmas we were together. I spent a similar amount on him.

In my experience, (and that of some women I know) men who are mean with money, and can't be bothered to buy a present or flowers or anything, are usually really rubbish in the sack, and make the worst husbands and the worst fathers. They will NEVER look after you financially. And as it's the woman who takes the hit on her career and income when babies come along (and women are often paid less than men anyway,) it's important to have a man who is kind and generous. Cue the posters claiming they earn 5X what their husband earns.... 🙄)

I don't think we need to ask you if he pays for you on dates, because he absolutely doesn't. I wouldn't even have a second date with a man that doesn't pay for me on the first date either. (DH paid on the first 5 or 6 dates, and then we started to split the costs a bit more...) Don't anybody come at me for saying that. I am entitled to my own opinions and views. And a mean and miserly man can fuck off after the first date if he doesn't pay. (For the reasons I put in the third paragraph.)

If a man wants to see me again, he needs to SHOW me he's worthy! Making me pay for myself on our first date, and buying me fuck-all for our first Christmas together (4 months after we started dating???) In the bin he goes!

Urgh, so he’s tight. What a turn off.
Doesn’t seem like you’re going to dump him though does it?
Please value yourself more than this.

Hope he's got you a present and not just waiting to regift you something.
If he hasn't, I would take it as a sign he's not into the relationship.

Unless he appears tomorrow with beautifully wrapped gifts with equally beautiful contents dump him.

It shows how much you mean to him if he gets you nothing.

What a total Scrooge humbug! If you can’t make someone feel just a little bit special and thought about on your first Xmas together it’s a poor show! He’s a disappointment. Do some serious thinking…

Four months? I’d expect a box of chocolates. If you don’t even get that, bin him.

He sounds like a complete idiot so far OP.
He's bought presents for everyone but you, his girlfriend.
And told you what he bought. So it's not that he doesn't do Christmas or think about the people that matter to him.
I'd quietly dump him, if he hasn't even made any gesture by the next time you see him.
Don't tell him why, you'll only get a manipulative spiel about how supposedly greedy and materialistic women are. You're just not feeling it - which is true.
We're all on a life-long learning curve here, and you have no reason whatsoever to feel a tit!

You sound lovely, he sounds like an arse OP.

Presents are intrinsically not something that you have to ask for. This deep and meaningful insight really doesn't have anything to do with sex, which requires barely any brain power.

They're exclusive and they are dating...a token gift should be the minimum. And what kind of person considers themselves close enough to have a sexual relationship but not close enough to buy a Christmas present???

Dump him. I've been seeing someone casually for 2 months and have just exchanged stockings for each other. His suggestion and they were all lovely thoughtful things up to the budget of £50 we agreed with each other.

I’d go straight in, unapologetically, with ‘Christmas Eve and I can’t help feeling annoyed that you’ve mugged me off with no Christmas gift when I gave you one x days ago. Not a good look.’

This. If they're close enough to have sex and 'have feelings' for each other, it's not too soon to get a Christmas present. A nice book / perfume / box of chocolates would work and could have been bought in 5 minutes on Amazon. No excuses. Ditch him and on to better things in the new year.

He’s not a keeper.

The Clubcard C**t!

You having a generous heart is not embarrassing, its lovely. Be proud that you value those in your life and start as you mean to go on in a relationship. Do not let this change you.

Do you have a tree in your home.....is it possible there is something under it that you have not seen? He maybe planning to drop something off, slip it through the letterbox etc. Don't give up on him yet.

And if he hasn't, he may have been burnt in the past or didn't want to be too keen - he will of realised his mistake by now if that is the case.

Just remember though, that in the early stages, you make the biggest effort to impress...in which case he is missing a trick but like I say he may have been burnt in the past. Or if he is a keeper in all other respects, he may just need some training! 😏

OP, I would be upset too. It's 100 percent NOT about the gift itself, but how he views you and the relationship.

I think it could be a sign of commitment issues. Dating exclusively/having a sexual relationship is at odds with not getting a gift. The two things belong to different levels of relationship. I wouldn't get a git for a FWB, or for someone I'd known less than a couple of months and wasn't exclusive with. Four months and exclusivity? Definitely would buy a gift! Doesn't have to be anything expensive - a nice jumper from Marks would do.

I think the lack of a gift connotes ambivalence on his part. Proceed with caution. But also, it's useful information for you. If it's not commitment issues, he might be ungenerous. He might be a fun-sucker who "doesn't do birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day" etc.

There's a lot of psychology behind gift-giving, so don't let people tell you that you're grabby. It is SO NOT about the gift.

This sounds really healthy!

Yes. It's normal to decide in advance if you are going to exchange presents. I wouldn't want to put someone under pressure, so would set an amount to spend.

He told op he would buy her a gift. He has seen op today. There was no gift. As I have said many times on this thread, telling someone you’re going to buy them a gift, then never bothering to get them a gift all while telling that person what gifts they bought for everyone else is just cruel and plain nasty! And here there are people telling op not to give up on him yet. He hasn’t been burnt, he’s pretty much getting a kick out of watching op get all excited waiting for a gift, only to never bother to get her one. He’s had plenty of time to buy her a gift but hasnt. To add insult to injury he’s been using her Tesco club card to get a discount on some gin for himself!