To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

I married a guy like this.
He was actually stupid, dense, a real knothead when it came to gifting.
He couldn’t comprehend the concept.
Finally (this was before the internet), I’d circle things in catalogs I liked and he’d get them.
”Ooh I’m sooo surprised!!”
I remember once I was traveling on our anniversary, so his friends told him to meet me at the airport with a dozen roses. Instead of presenting them to me at the gate like any normal guy, he handed them to me in the car, in the basement parking garage.
Don’t be like me. Don’t do this to yourself.

I would wait a few days after Christmas, maybe he’s ordered something but it’s not yet arrived? Or maybe he hasn’t bothered at all? If the later then I would dump him, like you say ‘you gave him a gift days ago so he has had time to go get something’. I would expect a gift if I was seeing someone around Christmas time even if it has not been a few months. I have been seeing someone for 8 months and he has given me a small gift, I’m not expecting much because I know what he has bought other people (not much) and I know he hasn’t got much money, but it’s the thought that counts, a token small gift is fine.

For sure you should expect something after four months, and I say this as a person who really is not big on presents at all and think they are as likely to cause bad feeling and angst as anything positive. But early on you should be on best behaviour and definitely a gift is part of that. It doesn't say anything good about him so be warned.

4 months is the perfect amount of time to start buying gifts. However, is he serious about the relationship as much as you are? If it were casual, I wouldn't expect presents. But 4 months and having the chat, seems like it is heading to a serious relationship. Given that he's not been shy about his Xmas shopping for family members, he should have got you something, in fact he may already have done! 🤞🏼

An ex of mine didnt buy me a christmas present when we'd been dating 3 months, but i saw the presents that he'd bought for the friends he was spending christmas with and it felt off. There ended up being all sorts of selfish and unpleasant behaviour and he was a stingy type. He only got a token present for whoever was hosting his christmas as he realised that this was the bare minimum effort needed, and bought no others for anyone ever, was happy to recieve them though!

Is it possible he will give it to you later? I think I'd wait and see
Even my most rubbish boyfriend - who forgot my birthday - then turned up with a present... (he then still dumped me on the phone)

I’d be disappointed too, to be honest. However, it’s not Christmas yet. I’d wait until you next time you see him and see if anything materialises, then I would have a think.

This is him in his peak trying to impress behaviour stage. He knew you thought gifts were okay, at this stage because you got him one for his birthday. I’m sorry but I think he’s just not that into you. Get rid and find someone better.

So true

He was in tesco doing his Christmas food shop and asked if I had a club card he could use to get his gin at the discounted amount. I happily sent over a screenshot of my bar code so he could use it.

He sent me a text a few hours after and joked that I had more clubcard points coming (IE he has used it again)

I replied saying "oh OK great! Is that my Christmas present then.. clubcard points 😂"

Crickets ever since...

Tell him straight otherwise nothing will change. I wouldn't be impressed with him using it twice without asking.

Didn't you discuss how you'd like to do and spend Christmas together?

You two clearly are not on the same page here.

See I disagree, we did Christmas gifts after a month! 4 months in should def be!

He sounds a dick tbh.

Exactly so. It's an excuse to impress a new girlfriend.

Oh dear it gets worse…seems like he’s using you a bit OP. What does he do for you? Does he buy you things, take you out? Does he pay for dates?

Well that tells you everything you need to know about him op. It’s looking like he’s showing his true colours and he sounds like a user that just takes, takes and takes but never gives. He’s happy to use your club card to get a discount but no sign of a Xmas present for you.

I would give him until Friday (if you actually do decided meet on Friday after all). It might be that he’s got you something from Tesco (god only knows what he’d buy from there) but If you haven’t received a gift (after he said he would buy you one) by Friday then I’d dump him. If you don’t meet on Friday then still dump him, he’s had enough time to buy you a present.

My guess is you won’t be seeing any present from him. He sounds utterly selfish.

Honestly he sounds worse with your update, he thinks of you to gain a discount for the gin he's buying for himself (not cheap) then doesn't reply to huge hint of the club points being your present, honestly Id wouldn't bother replying to him ever again, do some retail therapy for yourself and forget him.

@Feelingabitsillyatxmas1

How do you and this boyfriend deal with paying for things on dates?

He is awful. And this is him on the best behavior. He is a shameless taker.

Absolutely no....just no. Clubcard points!? Alright Ebenezer...

If the gin is for you it's even worse..

In the UK we give token gifts for colleagues and neighbours, it's not a big deal, regardless of how long we've known them. Surely the person you're shagging deserves better!

Ew, OP. Throw this one back. I know four months can feel like a long time but you don’t want to waste any more time on this man-child.

He's showing you who he is. Either accept it or move on.