To feel a bit disappointed that he didn't get me anything for Christmas?

[Feelingabitsillyatxmas1]

I've name changed anticipating being told I'm "grabby" but I'd like some outsider perspective on whether you think I'm being unreasonable.

New boyfriend. 4 months. Had the exclusive chat and we have both said we have feelings for one another.

It was his birthday last week. I bought him a present. It didn't feel odd to do so, we've spent a lot of time together by this point.

Fast forward to Christmas, I got him a Christmas present. He hasn't got one for me (but has kept me updated about the things he's buying everyone else).

We spent yesterday together and I thought I'd at least leave with a Christmas card if not a box of chocolates or something. Nothing.

I'm feeling a bit stupid for buying things for him now 😔

AIBU (for 1) buying him gifts early on and 2) feeling the way I do now.

Op get the present back. Tell him it’s a mistake and you gave him the wrong gift. He doesn’t deserve that amount of money being spent on him. Please don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing you paid all that money for a gift for him, he’ll be laughing at your expense!

Please don’t feel embarrassed. We live and learn. When you bought his gift you were thinking you would be exchanging Christmas presents. As other posters have said, saying things like “I’d like to get you this for Christmas” and talking as though something nice is on the cards, is very typical of some men who promise much but never deliver…or if they do deliver they will say they felt under pressure to do so.

You can’t win with these types.

Have a lovely Christmas OP. You have done nothing wrong. Be bright and breezy when he phones. Only good can come out of this as you have seen a possible character flaw early on which may have saved you wasting time on him! That is actually worth the £200 spent. It has saved you a fortune in the long run…

I hope he turns up with a present for you today. A good present.

You've been dating for 4 months. That's long enough for it to be an established relationship where you buy each other gifts for birthdays, Christmas etc.

If there's no gift then he's not a keeper. Meanness is not a quality I'd want in a partner.

I'd also tell him that I'd have never spent so much on his gift had I know he wasn't going to make any effort back.

Communication is the key to a happy relationship. Please don't feel too embarrassed to speak your mind, say what you like and what you don't like and be clear with your plans and expectations. That is a normal part of getting to know each other and maintaining a relationship.

If you'd simply said "shall we get each other Christmas presents?" a few weeks ago then you'd both know exactly what each of you was going to be doing.

It's too much isn't it.

That's why I'm dreading hearing from him today, because I think even he is going to think that.

After I gave it to him the other week he wanted to know that I hadn't spent too much on him. I just laughed awkwardly and said I hadn't.

Talk of the devil he has just text me wishing me a merry christmas but no talk of the present so he couldn't have opened it yet.

This is an expensive lesson in not buying presents in the post romantic weekend glow.

Fuck my life. Never am I ever doing this again.

Awww, op you sound so lovely.

It’s not YOU that should be embarrassed, it’s him! Christ if someone bought me a present and I hadn’t reciprocated I’d feel mortified!

And I was with my DH for 6 weeks before my birthday and he bought me a couple of gifts.

There is nothing more unattractive (to me) than a stingy man so personally, unless he turns up on Friday with that perfume, I’d be ending this relationship.

Text him now saying you’ve mixed up the presents and ask him not to open it. That it’s for your dad. And you will swap it with him.

Don't be embarrassed. It's a lovely gift. My husband bought me very similar the first year we were dating (had been together about 4 months too).

He's the one who should be embarrassed. I find it even stranger that he's had time to pick you something up or order something and hasn't bothered. Pre husband I was in a relationship with a selfish arsehole. It doesn't get better. Don't ignore the red flags. You deserve to be with someone who wants to make you happy and appreciates you.

Don't feel bad OP, this is on him, not you.

As soon you bought him a birthday gift he should definitely have realised that it would be appropriate to give you a decent Christmas gift. I mean even without the birthday gift he should have given you a xmas gift, but that should have erased any doubt.

That's a brilliant idea!

He said they're opening presents soon, shoot me now 😂

You shouldn't be the one cringing here OP.
But think of it this way, if at the start if a relationship you could pay a fee to see a person's true character and whether you would have a good future with them, say £200 (like having a survey before committing to buying a house) then most people would.

The Tom Ford cologne was your fee, it was a good investment in that you have your answer. Get the tight, lazy liar dumped.

And don't even bother answering the phone to him today.

Really dont feel embarrassed. You did a lovely thing. He did not. Just be bright and breezy and then end it.
or you could tell him you’ve just received a really expensive perfume and earrings from one of your handsome male friends/exs and you’re wondering what to make of it….x

When he messages you to thank you, if I were you I would go quiet…don’t respond. You’re busy opening your presents.

Everyone is focussing on his poor behaviour and you have had some great advice.

I would ask after why after such a short time you bought a football shirt that’s about £80 and then spent £200?

I think he just isn’t as in to you as you are him at all.

You can actually be too nice you know, it’s a particular trait that women have and end up suffering from because it is almost always them.

If he doesnt end up buying anything for you, then get the blooming gift back!

I would rather be seen as weird for asking for a gift back and being £200 better off, than cringe and £200 down - not that you should feel awkward, you did a lovely thing. He should feel terrible.

Op I feel your embarrassment. I would be also.
On the other hand, you have met someone you feel is special and you have given them a wonderful gift.
Hold your head up high, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's him who should be absolutely squirming and embarrassed and feel ashamed. Not you
Don't try and get it back for pretend it's for someone else.

Hold your head up high and chalk it down to experience.

Yep - OP should read Women who love too much in the New Year.

Woman. Stop being embarrassed and cringing. Right now. My DH bought me a necklace, an antique book, and wrote me a fucking love letter. I bought him a fucking WATCH. This was after a month. We got lucky I suppose as we'd been inseparable and "knew", but it makes no difference.

You 👏 have 👏 done 👏 nothing 👏 wrong!!!

Sod him! He's a user and also useless. What a prick.

i wouldn’t personally. It would sound ridiculous. I would expect a small gift. Having to ask completely takes the good out of it.

He has opened it. He said he loves it and was really thankful, but he also can't believe I spent so much on him.

No mention of any present for me though and I'd have thought if one was coming it would be now he says that.

I haven't replied yet I think I'm going to sit on it for a couple of hours.

I wouldn’t be replying at all op if it was me

I'd reply 'glad you like it, it'll be your last and an expensive lesson for me. Merry Christmas.' and then block.

I have to agree. Personally I would feel extremely uncomfortable with someone I’d only known a few months spending s couple of hundred quid on me. It would feel way too much too soon

Yes he should have got a gift but after just 4 months I would be thinking a small gesture gift rather than splashing out

Agree, don’t reply.

Or if you do, just bright and breezy “Glad you like it. Happy Christmas”

Much as I would want to say “Ah, opening my gifts now - people have been so kind and thoughtful!” I’d probably resist. It doesn’t sound as though he is insightful enough to read between the lines though!

OP, reply and say that was a goodbye present.
He is an idiot.
Maybe leave it till tomorrow, if he has his children with him today. Just leave him in read. Go enjoy your Christmas and dump him tomorrow.
Do not worry about the money. That is meaningless. The important thing is that you thought of making him feel special and appreciated on this day. Well, he did not. That has something big to say about him.
Yes, for next relationship, put thought into first presents, but not so much money. Let the man lavish you, chase you, impress you. As he will want to do if he values the relationship.
This was not your failing, but his.