If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

[Gracelet]

Would that mean to you for the whole day, staying for lunch, etc. Or would you take it to mean you could just pop in for some of it and make other plans for the rest of the day?

This is the situation with my best friend who was invited "for Christmas Day", so planned and catered for, but she's just said "Oh don't worry about feeding me" (she's a vegetarian) But DP has already got in veggie options. Presumably she isn't going to sit and watch us eat so I can only assume that she's made other plans for the afternoon. If she's done this I'll be really annoyed and upset :( I was looking forward to spending some Christmas time with her.

FWIW she's our only visitor invited "for Christmas Day"

Oh that’s sad! I would automatically assume mid morning to early evening but would definitely ask for confirmation long before Christmas Eve!

Tricky - has there been no discussion re dinner time / options etc? Maybe she didn't realise. Probably worth clarifying ? 'Hi friend sorry cross wires I thought you were coming for Christmas dinner! Do you have other plans? Let me know what time you plan to be here and when you need to be off x'

That does sound upsetting. Trouble is, even if 200 of us say that we would have assumed it was for the while day including Christmas meal, she didn't. Tbh she might think she's being nice? Call her and lay your cards on the table - you were hoping to see her and share a meal.

When I am invited for "Christmas Day", I assume dinner. Unless I am invited to "pop round on Christmas day", then I just expect to be served tea.
She may also have implied that she will bring her own meal.
Seems like bad communications all round. I'd call and clarify her plans.

Yes you're all right, I should just call her but I think I'd be slightly embarrassed at assuming she was here for the whole day, and a bit stupid.

God, that’s very rude of her. Coming “for Christmas” absolutely includes Christmas lunch/dinner.
Very odd of her.

I think you just need to ask her. She may be trying to cause you the least stress/time/money with having to cater for a veggie. Let her know you've catered for her.

Just like any other invitation i would make it clear in the first place.
Our christmas day with family who visit starts about 2ish we eat at 3ish and we go into the evening. Other people will do it differently.
I wouldn't just expect them to guess

I would have specified for her to either come for Christmas lunch or pop in before/after lunch. Your invitation was a bit vague tbh. If I was her I wouldn’t have assumed the whole day. A lot of people assume this is family time, especially if they haven’t been asked ‘would you like to come to ours for Christmas lunch?’.
Also, maybe as a veggie, she is concerned about cross contamination or what veggie food you would serve her? Some people have specific/fussy tastes.

You’re not in the least bit stupid. Her social skills are lacking.

Communication is key plus we all have different ideas about schedules on Christmas Day. I think it's essential to specify what the invitation is for. Whilst for Christmas Day does sound unambiguously like a dinner invite to me, to a family who eats at 7pm with a big brunch around 11am it may not include food if from midday until 6pm ...

Just ask her. Say you have veggie food for her and want to know if it's worth cooking tomorrow for her.

She might have been trying to avoid you having to make provision for her being vegetarian. It's not necessarily that she has other plans (other than feeding herself at home so that you don't have to).

If it were my best mate, it would mean (in both houses) ‘come round after breakfast, anytime after 11 but aim for midday. Help with lunch and stay the night’.

It means lunch ! But perhaps your friend understood it as ‘pop in to see us on Christmas Day.’ Tell her DH has perfected the wild mushroom roulade and to get her arse over here at 2pm sharp.

I'd probably assume from about 12 till early evening.
But as a host and as a guest I would have clarified. It can mean different things.
We've been invited to someone's for 'after lunch' and they were a bit vague.. I'm taking it to mean sometime after the kings speech.

If someone invited me for Christmas Day, in my head I'd probably think I'd arrive around 11am, and stay into the early evening at least. Would definitely involve dinner and I'd be offering to help with prep and probably turn up armed with the dessert.

Not stupid just a misunderstanding that is easily cleared up between friends.

If accepted an invitation "For Christmas Day" I would assume I would be there from 11am to 5pm at least but I wouldn't assume that would include the main Christmas meal as some families have that in the evening and just have picky bits during the day.

But you don't want to know what I assume you need to know what she is assuming. You need to actually ask her, making it clear that she's very welcome and you would like to have her for as long as she will enjoy staying for, but would like to know the general shape of her day and what else she's fitting in so that you don't assume she'll be there at times when she won't be.

She’s your best friend? Pickup the phone and talk to her then! Clarify what works. Maybe she’s trying to avoid being hassle. Maybe she’s used to people forgetting a veggie option. Or maybe she has other plans and thought you just meant pop by.

To me it would include Christmas lunch, but the timings would not be obvious as everyone does things differently.

If you're embarrassed OP, you don't need to tell her that you expected her for lunch. Just phone or message her to discuss timings generally, and see what happens.

I'd probably come after breakfast and go early evening if the invitation was for the 'Day', timings would probably depend on when you had meals and I'd definitely expect to be fed.

I think it was just as much down to the host as the guest, maybe more so the host. If you didn't clarify what time to arrive or that you were inviting her to the meal it might have been considered rude for her to assume.

Did you text, if so, what was the wording?

Probably just a lack of communication on both parts. Hope you enjoy your day and get to catch up.

Well I would have arrived Christmas Eve if I was invited for Christmas day and be leaving Boxing day so I would have been very wrong. Guess we all need to be more accurate about timings.

Would you not have checked with her that what you had arranged for her was OK? She probably assumed she was not invited to lunch if you had not said "oh - we have got x, y, z for you - is this OK for a veggie?"