If you were invited "for Christmas Day"

[Gracelet]

Would that mean to you for the whole day, staying for lunch, etc. Or would you take it to mean you could just pop in for some of it and make other plans for the rest of the day?

This is the situation with my best friend who was invited "for Christmas Day", so planned and catered for, but she's just said "Oh don't worry about feeding me" (she's a vegetarian) But DP has already got in veggie options. Presumably she isn't going to sit and watch us eat so I can only assume that she's made other plans for the afternoon. If she's done this I'll be really annoyed and upset :( I was looking forward to spending some Christmas time with her.

FWIW she's our only visitor invited "for Christmas Day"

I think transparency is necessary in situations like this! A simple, come for the day, we're having lunch at X o'clock. You could call her now and just let her know when you're eating and see what she says.
Next time sort the details out with the initial invite.

It might be that she's being polite (as she is a vegetarian and you're not, she may perceive it as putting you out to cater for her).

Phone her and say she is welcome to join you for Christmas dinner as you do have vegetarian options. If she has another plan, hopefully you can freeze the veggie food so it isn't wasted.

If someone invited me for Christmas Day my response we would be what time should I arrive and would you like me to bring anything like a desert or wine? I wouldn’t just say ok and assume we were both on the same page, because some people would mean pop in for a chat and a drink, and others would mean stay over the night before and be there for the whole day, but then I’m quite an organised person and I would hate to turn up too late/early or outstay my welcome.

That's really rude of her. If I was invited for Christmas Day I would assume the whole day, but at the very minimum, Christmas dinner!

You really need to ask her what her plan is. If it’s your best friend surely you can drop a message saying ‘hey what time are you coming and are you not having lunch?’

I was spending Christmas alone one year (didn't drive then and couldn't be arsed to be stuck somewhere for three days due to lack of public transport).

I'd been invited by local friends to come round for "tea" at around 5pm. I assumed mince pies and a glass of Baileys or such like...

I'd enjoyed a magnificent lunch for one (thank you M&S) and when I arrived, you've guessed, it was a full on Christmas Dinner with turkey and all the trimmings. Pure Vicar of Dibley!

So definitely clarify with your friend OP!

(Surely no one calls it "Christmas Tea??")

@Gracelet If I was invited for Christmas Day I would certainly expect to be there for most of the day and absolutely included in the dinner etc. However, I'd always know the timings e.g. when we go to in-laws we usually start there at 12noon / 1pm (as we have kids we do our own thing AM).

However, if you didn't communicate a time, perhaps she wasn't sure either and thought you just meant for her to pop in. So, yes, maybe she has planned something else as it was not very clear from you?

Can you not just send a message along the lines of
"of course we've catered for you, no problem at all. Why don't you come around at X time, then we'll aim to have dinner at X."

Then it's clear and if she happened to have made other plans (which is a possibility as you'd not stipulated a time, so perhaps she didn't want to impose) she'll let you know.

I would have asked what time I should come round and that would tell me which part of the day I'm invited for.

You should have told her a time when you invited her - now you are sitting at home wondering what time she is coming round and she's probably sitting at home wondering what time she should go round.

Just phone her and agree a time.

Communication is key

Why would you be really annoyed and upset??

That’s pretty extreme.

Just ask her what time she’s planning on coming/staying.

Say you usually eat around X time and she’s more than welcome to stay for it because you have food that she can eat.

I would feel like I’m putting someone out by staying all day.

Pick up the phone and talk to her. ‘Friend, it’s Christmas Day, what do you mean you’re not coming for dinner-that’s the main event! When were you coming for then?!

Just ask her what her plans are for the day and you hope she'd be with you for the day.
Best friend? Surely you can have a conversation about this stuff.

I would assume arrive mid morning and leave early evening. Or maybe after Gavin and Stacey.

Message and say it's fine of course we have catered for you!

She may mean she will have the sides and no meat.

My DH is vegetarian and he’d say something similar because he means ‘please don’t go to too much trouble’.

I’ve taken him at his word and he’s just going to be served various vegetables so he’ll be fed just fine.

You need to ring her and SPEAK to her, like we all did in the olden days. 😂

I would assume I was being invited for Christmas dinner. I would ask around what time they wanted me to arrive. I wouldn't expect to leave until the evening.

So is it easier to be embarrassed or have the knowledge of what she planned?
If she really is a friend you can laugh about your embarrassment together at the next meetup.

"Christmas Day" means different things to different people. I think the onus is on the host to give a clear invitation of when to arrive, when people will eat and when they're expected to leave

Hope it all works out

My Mum will always say don't worry about catering for me (veggie), she's not rude she is just minimal fuss. We obviously always cater for her. Just literally ask her whether she is coming for dinner as you've catered for her, or whether she is leaving before dinner.

I've never invited anyone "for Christmas". I've invited loads of people for Christmas lunch and explained this will be around 3 , or so and that will be pheasant or venison, not turkey.

I have actual conversations with my best friend. Given she is vegetarian and knows you are not, she may have made a reasonable assumption that your didn't mean for the meal. But I also agree with another poster - I would assume that an invite for Christmas Day is from the evening of Christmas Eve to Boxing Day.

We've been invited somewhere "for Christmas Day" and been told to arrive at 1pm and we are invited to stay til 4pm :)

So an eat and run essentially. It feels odd.

That.
And if I was inviting someone, I'd specify: 'You'd be welcome any time after about 10 and you'd be very welcome to stay until we've walked the dogs/ for cheese and crackers in the evening/ overnight if you would like to.'

We asked SIL, BIL and their children for 'tea and cake' on Boxing Day once (they lived about 25 mins away). They turned up much earlier than expected (something like 2 when we'd said we'd start with a dog walk at 3) and didn't bugger off again till well into the evening when we were well past tea and cake time and starting to feel mean for not offering them an evening meal...

“Hi friend, lunch is no problem we are planning on cooking veggie options. We aim to eat around 1pm so you are welcome to arrive anytime before then. Text when you r on your way. Can’t wait to see you”

with someone thart close from me, I would give more details and ask for their plans!

Like come on Christmas day, anything from xxx time is good, lunch/ diner should be around xxx. I count you in for lunch?

I found it weird not to discuss arrangements, in just a casual conversation.